Nope it doesn't make you a horrible person when these men have kids with these GUBM's there is consequences. BM over here drives a brand new BMV, has expensive clothes and purses, gets her hair colored all the time and the kids wear brand name clothes, always eating out going on vacations a few times a year and get whatever they want from BM. Then the skids come over to our house and expect the same thing. My DH doesn't want us to split our money I think because he wouldn't be able to afford half of the crap he can afford since we got married.

I would not do it over. I now realize that when your partner's family members treat you poorly and when your partner cannot provide adequate financials to support his own obligations, let alone build a future with you, love is not enough. You must have a partner who can equally contribute or you are better off alone. 

And yes, it sucks watching the BM and skids living it up while you are struggling- but you must make a decision to change your situation, or choose to learn to not let that affect you. 

I love my husband and would marry him again in a  millisecond. The one thing I would do differently is to go in Disengaged.

I don't think it makes you a horrible person, just human.

I would definitely do it again. I could never find someone who is such a great fit for me, as my DH. But, I don't have a kid with him. If I did and he couldn't provide for that kid, I might be resentful.

Money issues can be a real strain on a marriage, that's for sure.

DH and I were supposed to meet the year he met Bm.  BEFORE they were engaged and she got pregnant with ss.  It should.have.been.me.  

Now I get the left-overs.  I have to be "happy" with the fact that dh is always broke, and I'm paying all the bills, and dh is STILL playing "catch up" because he had to pay the IRS twice and BM always has to be paid first.

Overtime on a visitation day? Never.  Its "ss' time".   We would have so much more money if he didn't exist.  If DH didn't have to do ALL the driving for visitation because BM never bothered to learn how to drive or take a driver's test. 

No planing a "weekend getaway" because you can never have over 2 days to yourself due to the visitation schedule.

Spending over $400 for your sons birthday party....and not having anything planned for your wife's birthday because you still owe her over $1700 and still have bills due by the end of the month. Oh, and you need to pay bm again in less than two weeks.

No.  I wouldn't do it again.

I must admit I do have my days where I hate step familes. In my case my husbands brothers and sisters are a bunch of pretentious a holes. I miss having a loving family. And then we have the skids. Somedays are okay and somedays are not.

I despise my SS33 who is truly one of the most disgusting individuals who has ever existed.  He's the product of a ONS DH and BM had years after their divorce.  Why oh why couldn't she have given him a blow job?

I so wish he did not exist, but all in all I am able to write him out of my life. Part of my wishing he did not exist is because of the things he's done to others like beat up elderly people.  So I have zero regrets being with DH.  I never had to put up with SS as a child nor with CS, etc.  SS was referred to his first inpatient psych stay before he started kindergarten.   He has been sent to every psych hospital/rehab place imaginable.  He spent 3 1/2 years in juvie for some horrid crime no one will talk about.  I know that I could NEVER have dealt with any of that crap.

As far as I'm concerned everyone tried it all long before I arrived on the scene.  BM has a scientific lab job at a major hospital, her father was a doctor who was part owner of the local hospital with lots of connections.  SS had access to good care.  He just can't be fixed.  So he does not exist in my life.

My DH is a wonderful man.  My friends adore him.  He's going to chauffeur 6 of us to see another friend 50 miles away for her birthday.  His parents are long gone, but his 4 siblings and their families are all lovely people.  Life with him is good.

ETA - The silver lining here is that DH got snipped two weeks after finding out that BM was knocked up.  Had that not happened he almost certainly would have had children with wife #2.  Wife #2 is a psycho witch from hell.  The crap she pulled with her ex would rival the worst BM here ever.  She begged DH to get a reversal as she wanted more children (she had two).  I could not be married to DH if he had minor children with ex #2.

I don't know. i probably would so I could have my kids but I would have forced him to go through extensive premarital counseling first and stood my ground from the beginning. It's a hard question bc most days the kids were the only reason I came home. I wish I could've had my kids without him, quite frankly 

Not a chance in this world I would ever go through this again. It would be more fun and less frustrating to get a stick and hit myself in the head with it repeatedly. 

to the NO!  I'm with Valkyrie.  I should have sent Chef packing on day one had I known what was in store!!

I would not do this again. I would date my dh but not get married. I'm the one that pushed us into marriage probably from fear if being alone after divorce from first husband. What I know now....I would not do this again.

My partner and I recently split after almost 8 years together. I'm grateful we didn't marry. I'm grateful we kept our finances strictly split, with each of us paying 50% of rent, utlitilies and other living expenses. I still love him as a person, but I don't love how I was treated in the relationship. I AM SO HAPPY to be on my own finally. By the end of the relationship my biggest regret was losing my stepdaughter, not him. Hurrah for the single life, I will never let my heart rule my life again against my better judgement.  Never, never again!

I would do it again in a heartbeat.  But then again I am the CSP, married to the CP who also received CS from the NCP SpermIdiot.  Not much.... at least for the first 9 years but it sure beat the shit out of paying that shallow and polluted gene pool a penny of our money.

While I have been on the custodial side of the blended family adventure I recognize that the NCP gets screwed far more often than not. It compounds when the NCP remarries and starts a subsequent family.  In our case the NCP side struggled.   Not due to the pittance in CS that they payed but due to their poor life decisions.  The SpermIdiot went on to spawn three more also out of wedlock children by two other baby mamas.  My SS is his eldest and our only.  While they bitched and moaned about paying CS they failed to recognize that the SpermIdiot's pecker was the problem.  But... you can't fix stupid so they just blamed my SS and us for their situation.

We got the "You don't need those nice clothes, your sister and brothers are starving while you are rich, you should spend that travel money on helping us feed you while you are on visitation, etc, etc, etc....."  His  clothes would often mysteriously not make it home from visitation and he would show up in ragged crap that they scraped together.  Then a year of so later his younger sibs would show up in his clothes in SpermClan family photos.  This crap started when SS was a toddler and didn't stop until SS started calling them on their manipulative bullshit when he was in his mid teens.  For my kid the straw that broke the camel's back was when his favorite shirt that he had been tearing our house apart looking for showed up being worn by the SpermIdiot during SS's next SpermLand visitation.  That is when he started putting his foot up their asses and took a zero tolerance stance with them.

Our family standard of living had absolutely nothing to do with the pittance in CS and everything to do with the multiple degrees, professional certifications and careers that my bride and I both pursued while the SpermIdiot was on his quest to breed with every available underage womb in the PAC NW and was ducking his CS obligation and pawning it off on the SpermGrandHag to pay for him.

My SS is now 25 and doing well while his three younger sibs (22, 20, 19) are entitlement minions and the youngest two are gang-banger wannabe POS morons.  Just like their waste of skin POS SpermIdiot.

And no, you are not a horrible person. 

Would I do it again?  I think so.  My Skids are grown and independent.  We didn't have the horrid situation that others have experienced. 

But... on to your situation.  I don't understand how your DH is unable to contribute to your household.  Certainly not 100% of his paycheck goes to the BM and his son right?  If he has had a financial change of circumstances since he got divorced perhaps he needs to revisit CS with the courts?  Also, did BM remarry?  or have a BF that aids in supporting her.  Believe me, I doubt that purely your DH's contributions allow her to do what she is doing.  Maybe she gets money from family.. maybe she works too.. maybe she is borrowing it all.

It also might be time to examine your own financial living situation.  Are you living at a level that is causing you to be house poor?  Could you sell and buy something less expensive?  Rent an apt?  Could your DH work OT or a 2nd job or find a better paying job?  When you say he couldn't afford to live on his own.. I do kind of doubt that his CS obligation is leaving him with zero money to live on.  Does he have a lot of debt he is paying off?  If so.... considering bankruptcy or something like that to relieve the pressure might help too.

I'm just throwing out suggestions.  Because it does sound like he is leaning too much on you.  He should not only be contributing to the household.. but to the expenses of his other son too.  It's on him to figure that part out.