why does my husbands ex manage to be the topic of the day? answer: we let her, he would say i let her. help?
this women is relentless, my husbands ex wife has been a problem from the momemnt we got married. pretty much a case of a absentee mother, then got her life together a little bit but still could'nt get it right. we get married, then all of the sudden she is this fabolous mother, all in the picture, picking them up every 2 weeks, asking me out to coffee, made me think she was cool. when at the end of the day no matter what my husband whats, suggests, asks when it comes to the kids best interest her sole job has been to do, say, suggest the exact opposite. she has shown up at our home without permission, when my husband does not listen to her she will call 1,2,3,10 times, mind you she pulled this stunt on valentines day....she does not take care of her 2 kids very well. hair not combed, cut, does not cook often ( McDonalds is their daily menu ), kids say she is on facebook all night, no furniture in the house and what takes the cake,
we got a letter in the mail saying she is being sued for stalking, harrassing,creating fake facebook accounts to a man she was/is having an affair with and his wife is pregnant. folks, i'll call you family, this is just a brief on what is happening...no clue how to handle. my husband and i go at it everyday, i feel i should be more supportive, but our time is spent on her and i just simply don't know how to handle this mess. 
Janessa, The woman seems to
Janessa, The woman seems to have severe mental health issues. #1 should be that you set aside just an hour a day to discuss the issue of her. She is taking up space in your head and she is LOVING every second of the attention she is getting, right?? Believe me, she's asking the kids if you and daddy are talking about her. What? How do I know this?? We have a BM just the same mentality and personality as yours. Start putting out 'I respect that she is your mother' vibes and 'I'm sorry that mommy does ...a b or c...' and make it quite clear that her behavior does NOT worry you in front of the kids. It's horrible, it's sick in fact, that these women use the kids as pawns in their little games. Is it possible to get another phone number and keep the one she calls you on as 'her' line of being ignored or answered when you feel like it?? I have a thing whereby I take maybe one out of every half dozen calls from BM's number. I know it's that she wants something, or she thinks she is entitled to DH helping her out. We do maybe one of every dozen things asked for just out of good will. The hardest part is getting her out of your head though, I know it! I had to set my own boundaries with BM here since DH was too much of a 'nice guy' but even he had enough of the crap and he ignores her a lot now too. As the kids get older they realize how it is too, trust me!!
It's a shame when your life
It's a shame when your life is in a roundabout way controlled by the EX-W. I struggle with this too although the circumstances are a little different. It's a never ending load of BULL!
I used to bring up the ex
I used to bring up the ex everytime She annoyed me (which was constantly ). Shed call with love songs for bf to listen to, call to say happy anniversary, try to convince him to let her come " home". I wanted to cry. He'd never go back to her but its awful. I would go off about her and her parenting skills and he would tune me out. Eventually he flipped and expressed how he knew full well how she could drive me nuts but he didn't want to hear about it. I was angry at first but eventually I just stopped bringing her into every Convo we had. He gets all upset and I just listen. Life has been much more peaceful. Don't let her ruin your day. She wins that way.
Sometimes when a person
Sometimes when a person constantly brings up their SO's x, it could contribute to them going back to them or at least pushing them away from you. They left that relationship for a reason. If you keep reminding them of that unplesantness, they may as not be in a relationship with you. Kwim???
If there is a legitimate reason to bring them up, then by all means do so, but it really serves an injustice to you both if your mind is constanly on his past.