why are these dads so afraid of being alone with their kids?
I've been reading and I think it's because they've never learned HOW to parent. when they were with the ex, she did everything. when I was with my ex, I did everything for the kids. same with my dh and his ex. they just don't know what to do for them. then they marry, thinking the new female in their life will know what to do and try to push the work onto them. in my case, I refused to do it. my dh was FORCED to do it, and guess what? he does pretty good! he's even admitted to me he's never been a better father than since he's been with me. he always had his mom do it for him. ladies, when your sons grow up, do your future daughter in law a favor. do not jump in to help your son raise his child. and teach that little boy how to do chores and how to respect women. also, quit doing everything for your dh, and I mean not only in raising his kids for him, I mean doing all those little things for him that he takes for granted.
I remember when dh and I first got together. I started off on the wrong foot, doing everything for him because I was soooo in love. not only did I do ALL the housework, i'd wait on him hand and foot. he started taking it for granted. after all, all the women in his life had done so, and thought I should just slide right in to his open maid/sugar momma position. and he expected me to do the grunt work for his kids.
I wised up. I stopped doing it all. there were lots of knock down/drag out fights and ultimatums delivered. I even made him move in with his mom for awhile. still working on household chores part with him. and guess what? he didn't leave. I think so many women are terrified of losing their man. I don't know if it's the emotional dependence or financial dependence. but I do know women have the power, if only they will grab it.
one of the best things in the world you can do for your dh's is leave them alone sometimes when skids are there. they will not like it, but you are a busy woman and have a life that does not include skids. i know it's hard to stop doing everything you've been doing, it WILL rock the boat. but IF your dh really loves you and isn't just using you, he will ultimately stay with you. if not, there are men out there that would love to have a woman like you. if they stay, I guarantee you, they will become better dads AND husbands.
I don't think any man knows
I don't think any man knows how to parent. Their idea of parenting is being a Disney Dad! I had to be here to stay on top of my hubby when to discipline his children. When I was gone several people in my family griped about him not dealing with his second child when she got out of line. He would stay hidden in the back bedroom when I left.
If we had a child I surely did not expect him to be able to parent. I figure I would be the one most of the time parenting and being part of that childs life more then him.
None of it surprise me because I think biggest part of men are this away.
Hell my dad was a worser parent then my hubby. Before my dad would get stuck with dealing with me he would find a woman neighbor or somebody else to take care of me where he did not have to watch over me. ANOTHER fucking Disney dad! My mom was mad when she found this out!!
The only time a man acts like a parent is acting like a book cover. As long as you are around to push it or do it yourself a man is nothing but another f'ing child.
Until very recently, my DH
Until very recently, my DH would head over to his parent's house or brother's house under the guise of, "SD wants to see them."
Yeah right buddy, SD goes off to play with her cousins and you are left alone to do what you want.
SD and DH spend all visitation alone at the moment and not in our house, (long story), he always moans before he goes about he wishes it could all be together. NO NO NO- that's only because then I am the buffer and taker carer of everything.
I told my FDH I was going
I told my FDH I was going away for a weekend soon when he will have all of his kids. Mainly I need a little bit of a break and that seems like the only weekend that will work for me. He was supportive of me going away but I could tell that he's worried. He asked if I could do it a different weekend, the kids will miss me, etc. I know he is just worried about having them on his own. Well he'll figure it out! I'm not their Mom, I love them but they need alone time with their Dad as well.
I have called FDH out on this
I have called FDH out on this many times. It's always I blow out fight bc I leave or "have shit to do" or organize my closet etc when SD16 is over bc I CANNOT stand her. He comes up accusing me of hiding out etc. I finally got him to admit why he's so worried about what I'm doing and not focusing on his pwecious time with pwecious pwincess- IT'S AWKWARD! He doesn't know what to say and she doesn't say shit. She comes over, plants her ass on the couch and is queen of the remote the ENTIRE time she's over. I hate it but whatever
Their relationship is based on him giving her $ and gifts and her telling daddy about how great and smart she is. other then that they have NOTHING to talk about.
So he tries to use me as a buffer- not happening. deal with your own spawn, if you don't have shit to say to her what makes you think I do???
When I'm home, I do a lot, so
When I'm home, I do a lot, so DH tends to slack off with BD. BUT I'm gone two days a week and his mom doesn't have the energy to watch her, so he has to do it all by his lonesome self. And you know what? He doesn't do too bad of a job.
Some things I have to bite my tongue about, like him accidentally letting her roll off the bed TWICE, or not immediately tending to a dirty diaper, because when I get home, at least she's all smiles and still alive and all her limbs are intact and functional.
I think sometimes we women tend to be naggy and if we're too naggy, the guys give up because they don't want to get yelled at for not doing it the "right" (our) way. Then you have guys who don't know how to raise children. So as long as the baby didn't die or get hurt or emotionally traumatized in his care, I'm fine with letting DH take the reins on days when I'm gone. He needs the practice and BD isn't any worse for wear.