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Stepandbiomom1966's picture

Submitted by Stepandbiomom1966 on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 9:48pm

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DH got sick on way home from family party. SD 14 asks if we wanted to drop her off at her friends house instead of going home first (this while DH is visibly sick). I told her we would go home and that I am focused on DH right now. We get home around 8:20 pm. She wanted me to take her to friend's house. I told her no because it was late, i was too tired to pick her up and I needed to put BD to sleep and take care of DH. SD 13 offered to help me with BD because SD 14 really wanted to go. BD is a tot and was not cooperative. Needless to say it was down hill from there. SD 14 said I should have been more direct which I find ironic (long story but I was led to believe that she wanted to introduce me to her knew boyfriend and he would meet at our house). What is wrong here? What should I have done?

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 9:49am

I think it was more than a drop off. She would have to go pick her up too from what I read. And it was the other SD who offered to help (unless SD13 was a typo).

I don't know how much more direct that "no" you could be. She's 14 of course she's going to ask for lots more than you want.

OP - Do not ever feel guilty for saying no under those circumstances. SD was not horrible for asking. You were not bad for saying no.

Stepandbiomom1966's picture

Submitted by Stepandbiomom1966 on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 10:51am

I have two SDs- one is 13 (she offered to help). The other is 14 ( she wanted to go to friend house). I have a 3 Yo BD. Dad was very ill but not so bad he needed to go to emergency.

Stepandbiomom1966's picture

Submitted by Stepandbiomom1966 on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 10:54am

Also friend's house was not on way home and would have added another 15 minutes to ride. Hubby was getting car sick.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 11:46am

If this wasn't arranged well in advance, it is very presumptuous for SD to expect to be chauffered around late at night. With DH getting sick, there is no question about your having done the right thing. You do not have to feel bad at all about it. What is SD doing with a boyfriend at her age, anyway? Especially at a friend's house late at night?

OptimisticMe's picture

Submitted by OptimisticMe on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 1:06pm

My SD always had similar requests ALL the time. I almost always said "no". I am a planner and I don't like last minute decisions that affected me. SD did not help me AT ALL with anything, so I never felt the need to cater to her. She usually wanted me to drive her two minutes away to a friend's house. When DH wasn't home that meant getting two toddlers dressed and in and out of car seats then do it again to pick her up. NAH! I only chose to do this when I wanted SD out of my hair. Don't feel bad. I hate how kids feel entitled now-a-days and I like to show them they are NOT the ones running the show so they appreciate what they do get to do.

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 1:54pm

You did the right thing, absolutely. Your sick DH takes priority over an entitled SD any day.