Ex wife and family are KILLING ME!!! Plz help!
Okay...my husband was married to a woman for about 3 years that he dated for 4 yrs in college. They were both into drinking and parties. After marriage my husband got involved in church while ex stayed far from it. After child, ex decided it was too much to handle and left both of them while child was 2. Ex was into drugs, etc for a while and didn't even see child for a few months. Gradually started getting more visitation and in the divorce decree they have joint custody with my husband being domicile parent. Shortly after her leaving she got pregnant by another man and now has a 1.5 yr old. His ex is so incredibly lazy, does not spend time with either child. I treat stepson as if he were my own. He even calls me "mommy" because of how I treat him! I play with him, spend all my off time taking him to picnics, parks, etc. I cut his nails/toenails, clean his ears, bathe him, get his hair cut...all the things a mother is supposed to do. His mom does not bathe him, she lets him do it himself. He is FOUR! She does not brush his teeth. He says he doesn't brush his teeth at mommy's house. She is spoiled, has always gotten her way. And she throws fits with my husband when she doesn't get her way. Never has she come to me with a problem. She will never confront me or say anything directly to me. She always says it to my husband. She is SO hard to deal with! Never cooperative. It's like pulling teeth to work out holiday times, etc. And I do everything I can to kiss a$$ in order to make life easier for my stepson bc I don't want him to suffer. I am just at my wits end with his mom and her mother as well! And I don't know what to do anymore! I'm tired of her mother sticking her nose into our business. I'm sick of dealing with the pissy ex. Is there ANYTHING at all that we can do to make life less stressful? Did I mention she doesn't work? She gets daycare assistance and sends kids to daycare so she can stay at home and watch tv!!!
How did she manage to get day
How did she manage to get day care assistance if she isn't working or in school?
Her dealing with dad instead of you is a good thing.
I guess I was a little vague.
I guess I was a little vague. I DO have to deal with her. She won't call my husband. She calls and texts me bc she says she can't deal with him. Which is crazy bc he has never been unreasonable.
She is in school part time so that's how she gets assistance. But she is verrry part time.
And she has abused him on one occasion but by the time we found the bruise we didn't know at what point she had done it. OCS got involved but only filed a report. We had pictures but they didn't come look at him until the bruise was almost gone. It covered one of his entire butt cheeks!
Since then she hasn't whipped him that hard but I still feel he is getting mistreated.
If you dont want to deal with
If you dont want to deal with her... dont! Its not your responsibility to deal with her. I applaud you for doing whats best for the child but the child will see the situation stressing you out which will in turn stress him out. Tell your OH to deal with HIS mess and it will be easier on you (maybe not him and he may get stressed). Dont feed into their drama! be happy and supportive but firm about this. It will only continue to get worse if OH doesnt deal with it. its his mess( maybe not what he wanted but still his responsibility). Good luck and continue to enjoy your time with the child!
Your situation sounds
Your situation sounds extremely similar to mine, except that SS5's BM does work and doesn't try to provide daycare, she simply doesn't come get him during her ordered times if daycare is necessary.
If I were you I would thank my lucky stars that she only want to deal with your husband. It may feel like an affront right now, but it is really better this way. I personally refuse to deal with our BM, she can talk to FDH or she can talk to herself, but I don't mess with her. There is less drama that way.
I seem to have contradicted
I seem to have contradicted myself earlier.
Ex DOES talk to DH but only to gripe. But will not contact him for arrangements or otherwise concerning stepson.
Maybe you should direct her
Maybe you should direct her to DH for arrangements. Putting yourself in the middle is only causing you frustration. You can't control what she does. You can control what you will put up with.
No matter who deals with her
No matter who deals with her we BOTH are ultimately dealing with her together. She is insanely childish and spoiled. When she doesn't get her way she lashes out. Then my SS starts having behavior problems. When we are on good terms (which isn't very often) he is the sweetest little angel. And we try SO HARD to keep peace but there is just NO getting through to her. She has NO CLUE what she is doing to that child and frankly I don't think she cares. Her selfishness is pretty obvious from the way that she neglects spending time with him and the way that she deals with us.
These spoilt bms seem to
These spoilt bms seem to continuously get their own way and they do succeed because they have so many people caught in their web of feeling sorry for them. Our Bm and DH still don't communicate properly and SS is 11. Bm is a spoilt brat who has never had to take responsibility for her child or her actions and with everyone running around to support her she has still never had to stand up and be a real mum.
Please don't put yourself in a position to get hurt down the track because these step children end up being the centre of the universe also and if you end up having your own children with DH it can get very very frustrating.
In our situation, Bm will take credit for raising a child she only had to live on welfare for 18 years (11 years down and things have never changed only got worse) . Our CS papers say she has SS 86% percent of the year but that could confidently be reduced to below 40% if the truth be known. It's all very sad really.