Question for those who have been to counseling
I will try not to make this too long. Summary of my situation:
I have been married 26 years to a man with 2 sons from his first marriage. Those sons are now 38 and 40. Together we have a daugther 26 and a son 23.
I have lived apart from my husband for nearly 5 years, in large part due to skid 2. Skid 2 came to live with us when he was 14 and I went through it ALL...from not being able to leave my kids alone in a room with him to having him sit practically on dh's lap every night while I sat elsewhere, etc. If dh or I spoke to the other, skid would butt in and answer for us.
ALL the stuff...dh not backing me up, not seeming to care that our relationship basically ENDED when skid moved in, etc.
Then skid "grew up" (yeah...not so much...) fast forward to NOW and suffice it to say that skid is 38 with a wife and 3 sons and dh continues to finance his life. They live in a house dh bought with OUR money, drive a car dh bought with OUR money and sit of furniture dh bought with OUR money.
They have the latest and greatest in computers, gaming systems, cell phones, etc. as well as all the premium channels on t.v. and they go out and buy EVERY new movie that comes out on dvd. Yes, skid and his wife both work but what they earn finances their WANTS and dh finances their needs. JUST WRONG.
Skid was permitted by his father to take "top dog" status in our family and literally rule the roost.
Okay...my question (and I'm leaving out a lot here but I want to get to the point):
Although I am basically a happy, optimistic person and I have created a pretty good life for myself (work, friends, volunteering, etc.) I have a great deal of resentment and anger and HURT that remains unresolved. I mean, under the surface, I am one MAD WOMAN.
Anyone who has been to counseling/therapy...do you think if I saw a counselor it would help me to resolve some of this...as in "let it go"? I think it would be good for me if I could. I have tried...I have even thought maybe I was "in a good place" with everything...but I guess if I was I wouldn't be here.
Thanks...
Possibly - but shop around
Possibly - but shop around for a reputable therapist, who has good credentials and a lot of experience, including some with step issues, if possible.
It is very easy to come a cropper at the hands of bad therapy. I would recommend you go to a trial session with at least 3 or 4 therapists before choosing the one you feel most comfortable with.
Ok, please don't take this as
Ok, please don't take this as me throttling you with a guilt trip, because I am not, but.....
Part of the anger is being mad at OURSELVES. Why did we put up with it, allow certain things to happen, be a whimp? Does this sound true for you?
Coming to peace with OURSELVES helps. Recognizing that we had a part in all of this - but we did the best we could at the time. This can be very hard to admit, but it can help.
I look back and see the places I should have said something, been more assertive and stood my ground more firmly. It would have made the outcome quite different if I had.
Forgive yourself, and take what you have learned from your past, and apply the lessons to making your future a happy one.
As KES said, if you look for a counselor (having worked in the offices of two clinics) be wise in whom you choose to see. I would highly recommend you ask around and get names of counselors who have dealt with stepfamilies, and divorce issues. They understand the stages of "grief" because that is also part of the situation, grieving the loss of "what could have/should have/might have been".
Coming to terms with "what is", and how to go on from here.
Lots of ((((HUGS)))for you, and we are rooting for you in your journey to happiness and less stress.