What to do about SO's SS12..?
I am trying to sum this up simply in my head, everything still seems very confusing for me as is so I apologize if this all comes out as a jumbled mess.
My SO has SS12 from his previous marriage. He has raised SS12 since he was 2 years old and has always considered him to be his son. SS12 calls SO dad and feels the same way, SO is the only father he has ever known so that is normal life to him.
SO also has a daughter from the previous marriage that is his. So visitation and CS is only set up for her.
The issue is for the last few months or so SD9 has been coming over regularly and is settling in fine with our routines and staying here. SS12 on the other hand is only coming over when BM doesn't have something special planned. BM has been planning special outings for SS12 while SD9 is here at our house. Every other time BM texts SO or speaks to him on the phone she claims that SS12 is HER SON, SO is not his father. But will gladly drop him off if she has plans.
This is making it very difficult to plan summer outings since we never know if SS12 is going to come one weekend to the next. SS12 is obese and we would like to go to six flags this year, which we can do if he does not come ( he can't fit in the rides) If he is coming we would do something else that would include him.
My SO is feeling more like a babysitter than a father. SS12 is a great kid and we would love for him to be a part of the family but BM is making it very difficult for that to happen. My SO wants to see his son for fun outings that we plan as well as everyday life.
He has no rights as a parent since he never officially adopted him.
What do you all suggest?
No real advice here, but I
No real advice here, but I just had to ask... 12 years old and too big for amusement park rides? How much does he weigh?? I've see some seriously obese adults on those rides, so I'm having a hard time picturing it.
Yes he is terribly obese, BM
Yes he is terribly obese, BM had taken him to an amusement park last summer and many of the rides they tried to get on he was just too round for. They even had two attendants trying to squish him in with no luck. From what I hear he has gained weight since last summer. He is about 5'2-5'4 and is about 250...this is just an estimate.
It is very sad, I know. BM
It is very sad, I know. BM sent him to a nutritionist about 6 months ago. What I gathered from the conversation she had with my SO SS12 went into the nutritionist alone. I just sat there thinking "um does he buy the food for the house? Does he cook dinner?" No he doesn't so why is he at 11 years old going in to see the nutritionist alone?
This kid isn't lazy by choice, the weekends he did come over to my house he was doing P90X with me like a freaking champ, we ride bikes, go for walks down the rivers and very little complaining if any from this kid, P90X is at least an hour workout and our walks and rides can last a few hours or so. BM doesn't allow them to play outside alone and she certainly isn't going to go outside with them.
He does enjoy to eat and his mother believes boys should be allowed to do as they please and has said those very words many times. So I am sure he eats whenever he feels like it and I can't imagine the food choice are very nutritious. I only make enough food for one serving per person, I do not eat leftovers and the kids do not need seconds, they are both far from starving. They have never complained.
At first I was hoping to make an impression on both of the kids with eating and physical activity but with SS12 now only coming over when BM needs a baby sitter and these being children after all they really have no choice and BM isn't the brightest bulb.