i have some issues too with visitation, we seem to have them more that her and we pay her 450 cs per month....its ridiculous then she expects to do more than what we already do....i feel bad if we dont take the kids but i need a break....apparently she needs one too thats why we have them more...i hate her sometimes.... :?

$1000 a month here; used to be way more and that with the "informal" EVERY weekend-whenever the BM felt like dumping them off which entailed hosting and entertaining them with 24/7 three ring circus FUN!!

Did I mention that we live in NYS and biodad makes $13-15 an hour. . .and that CS goes mandatory to age 21 and can go beyond (it will given the BM)

And that dads routinely have to pay 50% of college that the skids drag out for years and years due to zero accountability on their part?

They've all PASed out now and don't come to visitation due to the BM's mega PAS and biodad's unwillingness to do anything about it/confront the BM.

But they'll be baaaaaaaaccckkkkk to resume impoverishing me further.

In our case DH & BMs divorce papers state that DH shall have visitation Friday and Saturday 12-9pm. Additional time shall be allowed upon mutual agreement of both parental parties.

Jacked, I know.

Anyhow, that is how things were when DH and I started dating almost 12 years ago when him and BM had recently divorced. Gradually things changed to where for the past 8-9 years we have gotten them AT LEAST Friday around 5pm to Sunday after dinner. During summer break the kids had free will as to whom they stayed and how much. One or both would come stay a couple of weeks at our place then to BMs so on. If there were special plans, DH would advise BM and vice versa and all was good.

Now...

We have filed for custody and she has been served and it's all the sudden back to what the divorce papers say and there isn't jack shit we can do about it legally. It's there in black and white. Since additional time is upon the agreement of BOTH parties if she says no then sorry kids your whole way of life is being turned upside down because BM is pissed off at your dad!

It effects SD12 more than SS15 due to SS15's way of life (enabled by BM) allows him to do what he wants, when he wants, with whom he wants and none of the above has anything to do with either parent. Legally we have no say in what SS15 does because of the way the papers are drawn up.

But now, until the custody is ironed out and new papers are drawn up there will be no camping trips, no trips out of town for a short vacay, nothing we normally do can be done. Nothing that SD12 likes doing with us and DS7 can be done any longer.

Its so frustrating when BM holds power, hopefully after the end of the month, that WILL NOT be the case.

**Yes I have grilled DH for rolling over and playing dead in their divorce!

I guess I don't really know what's fair but we have as close to a 50/50 split as possible in writing. Kids-Mon, Wednes, Friday, EOW and 1/2 summer. Holidays alternate yearly. BM however, still runs the show and we really only get them when she feels like it so typically EOW and about 1 week during the summer before she completly loses it.

For the honor of having partial custody in our state the law is that the children should have the same quality of life in both homes. As bm doesn't work and Hubby & I both work and make a good living - BM essentially receives all of hubby's pay monthly plus we are 100% responsible for all medical, dental, vision, counseling & school expenses. $ BM demands in order to allow the children to come for visition without requiring a police presence.

Anyway, I think that what's fair money and time wise is all dependent upon each situation. If your DH makes a lot of money & would likely spend that much on the sd were they not seperated then it's reasonable. I think the same goes for visitation - if both parents wants the max amount possible with the child then it's up to the parents to be reasonable and strive for an equitable split. I don't know that it's possible to come up with an order that doesn't leave one or both parent feel like they: pay too much and/or don't get enough (money or time).

Flexible is ideal.

i understand how bm holds that power, my husband is always waiting for the perfect time before he says anything and doewsnt want a confrontation, sometimes i feel somewhat lucky because she is not very bright sometimes...still a pin in the butt

I don't think the amount of CS should be directly tied to the amount of visitation. DH pays around $400/mo to BM and he has visitation 1/3/5 weekends of the month, plus certain holidays (they have their own schedule) as well as summer. SD8 is here right now for an entire month. A MONTH. Not to mention, we're still sending the skank her CS for the month which I think is stupid, but anyway. I was half-way tolerating the visit with the little saskwatch up until yesterday when she finally started showing her true colors. Imagine that, it stated as soon as DH went back to work (he'd been off work since SD8 got here) and I had to start watching her during the day while DH works. I'm not sure I'm going to make it another 3 weeks.

we pay 450 of cs a month and we have the kids 80 percent of the time during the summer, we have them every single day, i love them but i need a break also....i dont get how in some of these comments i have read how these women get away with tis...how is it possible for him to care for the children when they are in his care...i dont get it....its redonkulous...