Update
Just wanting to update on a previous post. My dh wants another baby I said no and explained It's because we have 2 very different parenting styles he is very laid back and I'm more hands on. His kids sit on electronics all day and night and mine are allowed an hour. So we came up with some house rules. 1 hour weekdays 2 hours weekends along with putting own plates in dishwasher. Bath every night teeth brushed twice a day (what I consider basic human rules really) so over the weekend this was put into practise. My sd12 was great. Normally she is moody and lethargic doesn't even get out of bed etc but this weekend she was happy and engaging and spent her time playing outside or playing chess. (The new game I have taught the children to play) sd9 however has gone the opposite way she called my dd9 a b****h she threw my pack of cards all over the living room and lost one so now we can't play. (Until I turn the room over and find it) She woke all the kids up at 6am on Saturday morning. She shouted at everyone and everything. Now my son is very boisterous and in my face all the time and it winds my partner up because his little "angels" are so quiet we barely knew they are here hopefully he's realised now the reason for that is because the electronics were babysitting. It's easy for them to behave and be quiet when they've got that screen in front of them. Probably next weekend we will go back to them just having them all the time while my bios aren't here. I am however so pleased he stuck with the rules even with the constantly having to nag at them to do the smallest thing like put their own rubbish in the bin. All in all dh has pleased me by sticking to rules and sd9 has been a brat
One weekend
Does not a changed parent make. It's going to take a while for him to realize games all day long is not being a parent.
Give him 6 months to a year before believing he's a brand new type of parent.
I’m hopeful
I agree but normally it doesn't even happen for a weekend so it's progress in comparison at least 1st step. I don't think he's changed as a parent more he's actually listened to me regarding certain stuff.
What's the point in only have
What's the point in only have doing it for one weekend? There will never be a lasting change if you don't do it all the time, whether your biosphere are there or not.
Not by my choice
Not saying we will probably go back because I want to but because Disney dad will give in because rules don't apply just to his they apply to my bios because they're "my" rules. Like in his head would be what harm can it do when bios aren't here to witness skids sat there on electronics all weekend
Well, because sks will start
Well, because sks will start to blame your bios for the rules, to start with... There's no point in trying to change things if you're not consistent.
Thank you for that
That's a really good reason to not go backwards so thank you for that I have at least one good reason in mind for next weekend why it can't go back to constant screen time. That doesn't include that's what's best for them.
It would be a shame to go
It would be a shame to go backwards at this point when you all saw such a big change.. even the brattiness is a clear sign that this is something that needs to be done. This should make your SO even more set in the thinking that this is a better way forward. The kids need to get off their devices... being addicted to electronics is not healthy.. mentally or physically. you saw the two ways it manifeste.. one kid immediately thrived with less screen time.. the other kid may be showing some "withdrawals.. and needs to learn the self control to deal with not having them all the time.
She’s always been a brat
Sd9 has always had a bad attitude just Dh never noticed because he didn't have to deal with it very often. In school she has kicked her teachers hit other children etc she goes home and bm is just like oh dear here have your iPad. One of my posts is about this lack of parenting because neither of them can be bothered to actually deal with her behaviour. I don't think it's because of any withdrawal but because she hasn't been taught how to behave appropriately at all. She shouts non stop Dh doesn't even notice but she can be less than a foot away and still shouting at you it winds me up because my hearing is really sensitive so get frequent headaches from it. Sd12 isn't all bad tbh she's lazy and has an attitude sometimes but she's 12 going through puberty and I think we were all d**kheads at 12. She's mostly respectful uses a knife and fork at the dinner table uses her manners around 95% of the time. These things I expect when dealing with children though they're all going to have an attitude sometimes, they probably will forget manners sometimes, not want to clean up after themselves the biggest problem with her is the constant screen in front of her face. She wears pretty strong glasses and her eyes are getting worse and optician said it was staring at the phone screen. So bm bought her an iPad too so now she can use both -_- parenting fail yet again.
A leopard does not change its
A leopard does not change its spots. For sure it does not happen over night. Mark the low tide mark that he has parented to up until your discussion and measure his performance against that continually. If he truly resets the mark and tolerates no back sliding from his kids and from himself...... over the next 24-36 mos (just a period my gut says is about right) then sit him down to revisit spawning. This discussion must include the clear message that if he ever regresses, he will be looking for his next wife while paying a pile of CS.
I am a skeptic when it comes to the magic "they got so much better, they listened, everything is perfect now" the day after things were shit, or the week after things were shit, or the month after things were shit, or....................
Poor performers never continue stellar performance if the reprimand and zero tolerance letter is ever removed from their file. They have to know that their past shitty performance record will never be forgotten and it will only be forgiven on a day to day basis if they do not back slide.
Zero tolerance is a critical performance improvement element when dealing with a history of poor performance.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Broken radiator
Just been into sd9s room to find she has pulled parts off the radiator when she was sent to bed for swearing at my dd9. She had better not get her iPad at all this weekend or I'm going to go mental. Not a difficult fix at all but it's the intention of breaking something because she had been told off. I also did this as a child I ripped my wallpaper off and my mum and dad went nuts I still remember it now 25 years later so won't damage thing just because I'm in a bad mood. Sorry just ranting again x
Wow. That kind of crap would
Wow. That kind of crap would have been nearly fatal with my parents. We had one choice, "Yes Ma'am/Sir" and not be toxically stupid.
smh