What would you do?

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I'm at a crossroads right now. I have been accepted for a house in my name not joint. It's a lot smaller than the house we have now but big enough to comfortably fit me and my bios. With a bit of a squeeze my skids too. If you got this opportunity would you have your dh and skids move with you? Why yes/no?

What's your current situation

What's your current situation? Do you want to continue to live with your dh and skids? Is the new house a purchase or a lease? Who owns/leases the house you're in now? If you want to stay with your dh and skids, why would you want to move to a smaller house? If you don't want to live with your dh and skids, why would you have them move with you?

Sorry if I don’t answer it all

I'm not sure if we would survive living separately but it's defo what I want. The new house would be a lease. This is my dhs house we're living in at the moment also on lease. Due to finances and the new house is closer to my family now I'm living somewhere I don't know anyone and I'm miserable anyway with or without skids here. But with them it's worse. Have you considered living separately? Would you if you could and keep the relationship?

Go over your past blogs and

Go over your past blogs and see what you would recommend to yourself. Could you still date DH if you moved out and lived separately? Would he expect a divorce? Would you after some time away from skids? Could you rent the house if you ended up under the same roof again ? Or make a profit selling it?

Go over your past blogs and

Would you move out?

I'm asking in your situation would you move out without Dh and skids. I don't think many could give advice on my situation without knowing everything that's happened etc. Just if other people would if they could? If they would find it easier

DH and I lived separately for

DH and I lived separately for 2 years. 3 of the 4 skids are alienated. I had it set up so that we had kid free time to have dates and noisy sex. The last one aged out 2 years ago. So it's been awhile since I've been in your shoes but I do remember the pressure being so high that it needed to be relieved. I do think you need the put the needs of your side first. Buy the house but don't plan on bringing the skids with you.

How did you find it?

Was it hard to do? Do you think it worth it? Your relationship obviously survived it what do u think was the most important thing that helped?

I think it depends on your relationship with your stepkids

Personally, I would not live with my stepkids if I could have a re-do. I've contemplated moving out with my kids but DH is not ok with that, we've worked to make things work. But I'm not happy and don't feel comfortable when his kids are here. And they could be worse. I just don't like living with people who aren't my "family". Now I'm biding time until the stepkids move out. It may strain your relationship with DH but if you're strong enough to make it until the kids move out, maybe that would relieve some stress?

How long have you got left?

It might be the current situation with schools closed here I have my kids all week and every other weekend and his kids here every weekend so even my free time isn't free. Is it just because they don't feel like family to you why you would have preferred to move out?

They annoy me a lot. They are

They annoy me a lot. They are difficult and don't follow rules we've talked about. When I'm trying to relax, SS15 is eating his lunch and feels the need to have his stupid phone on listening to sports. He can't seem to wait to eat to go to his own space to listen to it loudly. Can't figure out how to shut the garage door all the way and the cats have gotten out before. Can't figure out how to out dishes away. Laughs really loud at his dumb phone. Might sound like petty stuff. I feel like I'm constantly nagging them so I sometimes just keep my mouth shut then feel upset. If you were around these kids you'd see what I mean. My own friends and family say how rude and annoying they are.

All three of his kids don't say they hate me or anything but they are so hard to live with and stress me out. Life is just so much more relaxed and peaceful when they are not here. I can breathe.
When I do try to discipline I get the attitude then they call TM and tattle to her. DH does defend me and stand up for me. But I just don't like their behavior and really resent his kids, maybe it should be the parents I resent. Instead of growing fonder of his kids with time I've grown to dislike being around them. There may be some behavioral issues or even on the spectrum but can't be proven, and I don't think that excuses bad behavior. Could partly be DH not enforcing enough or not correcting bad behavior from the start, but TM really doesn't help by going against what we try to teach and making us look bad. It's hard to live with other kids who don't really care for you even when you feel like you've tried.

The basic values I don't like in others is what his kids have. The two older at least. Self-centered, attention seeking, entitled, lazy. They are not like DH at all. I do see moments of positive in the middle SS but he is very arrogant and makes everything about himself. And bossy, even to me at times. Does not seem to know his place.

Just a few reasons, lol.

I had my DH and his brat move

I had my DH and his brat move out just on a year ago after living together for 6 years ,, it was really hard but also saved me from a lot of stress and anxiety,, also tought DH alot about himself and has allowed him to do everything that i did for his son and realise what a little turd the brat is. My experience has been good living apart and i seem to have way more money than before

Are you planning on moving

Are you planning on moving back in together before ss turns 18? What would you say the was most important thing for your relationship?

thats a tough one for me to

thats a tough one for me to answer as i would like to say yes but i simply cannot live with the SS at all. I refuse to ever live in a house with that child ever again,, so unless he launches (unlikely) or lives with BM fulltime, it may not happen and everything will just fizzle at my end. Currently its working fine for me as i dont have the dramas of his 13yr son. I have my own house that i share with my 19yr old son who is super easy to live with, hes really busy with work and girlfriend that i hardly see him , so i basically have a house to myself all the time ......LOVE IT! The most important thing I got out of it (apart from getting the kid out) was that we both learned a lot about ourselves as individuals and had taken a lot of things for granted with each other. we have a lot better communication ,, previously you couldnt raise any issue with DH as he would take it as an insult and walk away,,, now he doesnt, he understands that good communication is the key and he works on it everytime we see each other and will listen and talk things through. I learnt that i was alwasy too nice and there isnt any problem with speaking my truth upfront. What are you hoping to get out of living seperately?

I don’t know your situation but...

...yes, God, absolutely. As separate as possible. Like plan some joint family outings if you want to do some things sometimes And want the relationship to continue, but...

1) privacy. Skids have gone through my things and even snuck their mother in when we weren't around to go through my things. Locks with keys skids don't have: priceless.

2) quiet. I'm and introvert and love getting g time to myself. So much less peace and quiet with the skids constantly rotating through the house (no set CO).

3) vibe. They just aren't "my people". We have totally Different energies, and I always have my guard up because the BM says she hears about everything I say and do. I'm not even sure the skids are aware Of some of the toxic crap they feed into but I feel surveilled.

those would be my reasons. Oh and failure to launch kids. At least one kid is likely not to launch of this brood. That means even the countdown to 18 is useless. Those would be my reasons.

I second everything you said.

I second everything you said. More well-put then I explained! Being an introvert it is tough with stepkids, and when stepkids are being spies for a HCBM you can't trust, you can't let your guard down, so true. Some personalities just do not mesh and this is the case with mine too. If I leave my phone charger out they will take it. So similar to your experience.

While my DW and I have lived

While my DW and I have lived apart periodically over the course of our marriage, I am on team "why be married if you don't live and make a life together".

Our periods of living apart have been mandated by job markets and careers. Not because we wanted to live apart.

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