I haven't seen the skids since April. Today broke that streak.

DH was abusing pills and I had had enough. I had him move out, get into a program and needless to say, the skids were no longer my problem.
Fast forward several months. DH is off the pills and actually doing well and keeping up with therapy. All of my friends say what a different and improved guy he is. He stepped up quite a bit...but I am not ready to go all in yet. I need more time and proof that he's better.

I separated everything except an account we both pay into to cover utilities. I EVEN CHANGED MY NAME BACK TO MY MAIDEN NAME. (I felt a huge weight lift when I did that. I felt like ME again.)

Currently I am redefining my definition of marriage. I am enjoying being much more separate. So why marriage? Companionship. A confident. Sex. A friend. My mistake was demanding that we be equal or even the same. My expectation was that life would be easier, more fun, there would be more money....it was the entire opposite. So now I am readjusting.

So today I run into the skids and DH at the park. They ran right up to me and gave me hugs. They lit up and I was surprised that they even cared or remembered who I was. But they clearly missed me. (It was regrettable when I stopped seeing them but their father's behavior was more than I could deal with and I banished all of them. I always thought how nice it could be and all the things I could help these kids with if only DH were out of my way or at least cooperative. He's a pathetic father.) (No I am not having children with this man, I know.)

As the youngest child held me tight, my heart broke and I wanted to scoop them up and take them sledding or bake some xmas treats. Does anyone else know what I mean when I express that I just can't get involved or have these kids get attached with DH being such a mess?
But I may be at a turning point. DH is sober now and it's been months. His trajectory is good and I have seen a new leaf turn over. Yes I am still leary, but if he could be sensible and responsible like this, I would not be opposed to his kids.

They won't move back into my house. I like this arrangement too much. But I would be willing to go visit them when they're in town (at their grandparent's) and maybe this could end the war of all wars with my husband.

My life would be so much better if I didn't agonize over this skid situation but instead found some acceptable ground or even a somewhat enjoyable/rewarding ground.