Give me strength weekend
So this weekend we are visiting my dh's parents vacation home and several of his sibs will be there. I used to feel ok about his parents until they turned around and handed over trust fund money to his dsughters... Now technically they had to give them the money......it was a custodial minor acct.. However, they had them over for dinner and chatted amicably with the ex when she transported the girl there.. This after all the shit they inflicted upon us..
Last year when I made the annual pilgrimage to their home, I kept my distance and it was noticed. Now this year? And complicating it will be dh's young nephew, who drives me nuts. He is unbelievably hyper and last year he specifically went against instructions and let my dog out of its crate.....he ran into the highway and almost got killed. Dh of course laughs it off and thinks this kid is cute!! Ugh!!
I am making Plans NOT to bring my dog.. But am I wrong to hold a grudge? Maybe that is too strong......we just really are not family .....they also see me as an outsider. Dh's mother refers to me as "my son's wife". I see them only a few times a year, but this weekend will be stressful!!!
Do as the dog does - stay
Do as the dog does - stay home. You cant find a pet sitter, and you will not endanger your dog's life ( again ) by bringing him. you would have SOOO loved to come, but .. not possible. Then have a super ME weekend , just you and the pooch. that's what I would do. I never go to any family gatherings , EVER. You couldn't pay me enough . If DH doesn't like it, he can hit the road.
I agree with them!! Dont
I agree with them!! Dont go... diarrhea is my go to excuse lol...because in the end if I do go to places that make me feel uncomfortable I do get pains in my stomach and diarrhea...I guess its due to all the s*it that happens at said places...teehee...but seriously I would stay home.
No......it is only a few
No......it is only a few times a year so I feel I need to make the effort. We see my family and sibs all the time..
But it is hard especially my dh's sibs are all long time married and their spouses have known everyone for years and years. They also share children. So I clearly am the outsider. I can handle anything for a weekend, but not have to fear that my dog will be killed. This child is obsessed whenever he sees my dog. She also is a pit bull mix so god forbid she bites him, even deserved, I will be in trouble. Most people actually are afraid of her because she is so big, but she is a sweetheart. However we all gave our breaking points. The last time we saw this child, he would purposely take her out of her crate and was parading her outside!
Yes, my dh's father used to
Yes, my dh's father used to bring them up every time, but in a negative light. I think trying to provoke me into joining him in talking about them..finally I told dh to put a stop to it.
My dh minimizes other's poor behavior. He does not see how impaired his nephew is, the child has serious issues. He is destructive and even terrorizes his own family's pet cats. I had even thought of taking my dog and getting a combo lock for the crate, but I am sure he would find other ways. I can not take that risk..
So happy that your doggie ok!
So happy that your doggie ok! I love my dog so much. Honestly, I can understand people NOT having kids, just dogs. I tell my dh, that our dog is the dsughter he SHOuLD have had!! Lol
These family gatherings are
These family gatherings are just never very comfortable when you are new. Esp when everyone else knows each other and you feel like an outsider. I had a boyfriend leave angrily from his first family (mine) gathering because he felt so judged. The thing is, this guy was Very confident and dignified and NO one did anything. He was just always in his comfort zone with his large extended family and this feeling of being an outsider was new. I think he simply projected his anxiety on the people. I knew how he felt because I had always felt uncomfortable with his family gatherings but I went anyway.
Throw in step issues and it makes it so much worse. I know how it is to see people happily embracing someone who treated you terribly. After all, it didn't happen to them. It feels like they are in agreement with you being mistreated.
It's also possible the in-laws aren't nuts about the first DIL, but they feel they should make nice with her to keep the peace and see the grandkids as much as possible.
My instinct is that no matter what, unless these people were very similar to your family or very comfortable to be with, it would be uncomfortable to go to these gatherings. You may want to skip this year and try again when the sting from your recent hurt subsides. Since these in law relationships (except MIL) don't carry the inherent problems that steps seem to have, it may be worth it to revisit later. Through the years these people may become like family with enough time invested.
For now, if you decide not to go, that's really more than okay. We have a SIL whose upbringing was very different fro ours. She has periodically dropped in and out of the picture for our rare family gatherings. In the end, she's family and I'm always happy when she does come. Because she's married to my brother, she'll always be welcome regardless.
Hopefully, it will be the same with your DHs family. They may be upset with you not coming but in time will get used to the idea that your attendance is a possibility, not a guarantee. Once they get used to this concept, they'll have to accept it and take what they can get.
I have to say that dh DOES
I have to say that dh DOES visit them without me and he constantly calls them.
He knows I feel uncomfortable with them because of their issues with his daughters, so lately he has begun to speak to them outside my prescence which drives me a little crazy. I admit that at first I questioned whether he was having an affair because a few times, I caught him sitting in the drivewayin his car for a half hour or so before coming in because he was on the phone. I did check phone records and he was speaking with his parents. He literally will take himself outside if they call him, usually on the pretense to take the dog for a walk.
But in the end, I let it go. I do not want a relationship with my dh in which he needs to choose, but I do wonder why he no longer speaks with them in my prescence.
My MIL was a real problem for
My MIL was a real problem for me. Thankfully, she's hardly an issue anymore after serious bondaries. Still, my DH has removed himself when talking on the phone to her. I appreciate this for a couple reasons. Firstly, I appreciate my DHs desire to respect people's privacy, he does the same for me (respects our private conversations). Secondly, it removed the trigger my MIL used to be for me. When things were bad I would get upset just hearing his mom's voice next to me.
You may want to look at it like a gift. Your DH probably knows that your in-laws have caused you upset and doesn't want to cause you further grief. This is a good step toward disengagement and one that will likely benefit you in the long run.