Trusting the SS to Be Alone at Our House
Ok--this a a question my FDH and I have discussed recently. My future 12SS is getting to the age where we can leave him alone for an hour or so without him burning the house down. The post will continue on next entry because of how this is set up......We were discussing that when he gets a little older (13/14) and more trustworthy, can we actually trust him--not just to avoid burning the house down, but not letting BM enter our home?
Our questions came from our idea that when we were travel out of town, maybe SS could come and let the dogs out and we would pay him--as if we were paying a dogsitter. But every time we talk about it, we get hung up on the idea and fear of bm manipulating him, just so she can come in our home without our permission. There isn't any history of her doing that type of thing, since I have been around, but it is definitely something FDH says he wouldn't put past her. Is this something we are just going to have to forego and stick with a dogsitter? (SS knows that BM, or anybody for that matter, is not allowed in the home when we are out AND SS is trustworthy with the dogs--so that really isn't the issue.)
Well, I just realized, this is the first year we have him every other week in the summer and we can't take off work just to be with him. I'd have to come home at lunch and check on him, FDH works 12 hours shifts and not enough time to come home.) So, this is something that will come up prior to 13/14 years old and dogsitting. Please share your experiences or advice. Thanks!
I had my two staying home on
I had my two staying home on their own from the time they were 9 & 12 (together, or the 12 yo on his own; the 9 yo on her own when she was abt 11). It really never occurred to me that the ex might consider coming in. Likewise, it would never have occurred to me to go into his home. Although, one time when I picked them up and they weren't ready, the babysitter invited me in. I declined.
I did have ironclad rules, which they knew would result in a babysitter if they were broken. Really pretty basic stuff.
We had the talk with SS13-15
We had the talk with SS13-15 that BM (nor anyone else) was not allowed into our home when we were not there.
Once I came home early and BM and SS was outside by the door still not sure whether BM was inside. DH asked SS if BM went inside and he said no but we have no way of knowing for sure.
Another time we came home and he had let a friend of his BM's into the house. She had lost contact with her and was looking her up. Needless to say I was not happy.
I cannot count the times that he would let one of his friends in, in spite of DH telling him not too.
So imo, I don't think you can always trust a teenager.
I think that is where I am
I think that is where I am leaning because SS has a hard time saying no to either parent AND he is really smart---knows how to play them off of each other. BM is always worried about what we have and we don't care about what she has, drives, etc. Two years ago, we did catch him secretly video taping my sister's home during a trip and I felt really violated. He said BM asked him to "let her know what we did during our New Year's Vacation." Is that the complete truth, imo, NO. It was that she manipulated him into thinking that was okay. One of my favorite lines, "How do you know a teen is telling a fib? When their mouth is moving." Its just a joke, but has a bit a truth to it. I agree with you--maybe I was just having wishful thinking on my part. FDH thinks we just need to drop the $500 on camera equipment for the living area and outside entry for doors and be done with it. Video would increase my security at night, too, when he works night shift, so it would be beneficial all around. Thanks for your feedback.
DON'T DO IT!
DON'T DO IT!
SS14 can't be trusted to wipe
SS14 can't be trusted to wipe his own ass let alone stay home unsupervised. Unfortunately. It's a bitch trying to find daycare and summer care for a teenager.
SS14 can't be trusted to wipe
SS14 can't be trusted to wipe his own ass let alone stay home unsupervised. Unfortunately. It's a bitch trying to find daycare and summer care for a teenager.
Let me write that
Let me write that down--classic. Lmao! I needed that perspective. I think we have a few more years to go......
I think it would be ok to
I think it would be ok to leave a 12yr old home during the day, assuming he had a reliable way to call for help if needed. As for dog sitting, how would he get there? If the only way would be for BM to drive him, the of course she's going to find a reason to go inside! Once she's in, she's in. I would never let SD dogsit, housesit, or babysit because I know that our BM would definitely come in & snoop like crazy!
Also, I'm a big fan of the home video monitoring! If you can swing the $500, go for it!