Toys going from our house to BM's house
So DH and I just created "chore charts" for my SD4s (twins). Nothing major: just clean plate, good manners, put toys away, etc (and we always help them along the way). Well, they get stickers for each task and at the end of their time at our house, we buy them a small reward.
We just dropped them off at BMs house and they know that toys from our house stay at ours and toys from BMs house stay there. We have learned from that... Everytime something from our house goes to BMs, we never get it back!!! One of the SDs started whining when she left the toy in our car and the BM scoffed and shook her nasty head at me. It would not be a problem to share toys from house to house if we got our things back!
I hate to see the SDs upset because they want their new toy, but what they don't understand is their BM is nasty and conniving and keeps all the expensive things we buy them for selfish reasons...
we have the same issue. with
we have the same issue. with clothes, toys, makeup...everything. if something is accidentally forgotten at our house that came from BM's, BM freaks out and acts like we stole it to keep it for ourselves. like a pair of jeans one time. so, we keep most things that we buy SD and gifts from christmas, birthdays, etc at our house. i kind of feel bad because we buy it for her to enjoy regardless of where she is, but if we sent everything to BM's SD would honestly end up with nothing to play with or wear here. she spends the majority of her time at BM's so of course she would want to have all her "good stuff" there. its kind of a delimma for me, but i don't see how it's fair for FH and i to purchase things if they're going to end up over there? FH and i have talked about it and we decided our stance on this issue will probably change as SD gets older, into her teens. when she's that age we can't really say yeah honey we'll buy you that eyeshadow you want but you can only use it at our house. by then she will most likely (depending on how long BM keeps the umbilical cord attached) be packing her own bag when she comes to our house, and things will be more *hers* than either OUR or BM's "supplies" for her. if that makes any sense...i know it's kind of an iffy issue.
It makes complete sense and
It makes complete sense and thanks for the response! It is insanely frustrating. BM spends her CS on $200 jeans and such and we still buy my SDs nice clothes and toys that get "lost" at BMs. I even go out of my way to make sure everything they come with goes back in their bags. The clothes they come in are always washed the first night and they wear them back. Today when we dropped them off, their mood changed immediately as if they didn't want to go back with BM (they've said it many times, too). Then she makes us out to be the bad guys when we want to put their toys back in their toy bin for when they come back to our house. She shook her head at me like I ripped the beanie baby from SD's hand and tore it to pieces. If only she'd return things like we do to her. UGH! She never has any original ideas of her own... I am a cook and baker and the SDs love to help me... she starts baking after never baking in her life... I make tons of crafts with them and she starts replicating what I do. What she doesn't realize is that her mirroring everything I do is actually the best compliment she could give me. We just want what's best for SDs without her drama.
It took us about 1-2 years to
It took us about 1-2 years to catch on to the game BM played with that! She would send SD (3 at the time) in crap and force us to buy new and we would never see it again. Finally we just bought a complete wardrobe and sent her back in what she came. We kept things seperate; it was hard at first but she learned what was at our home stayed and what was at BM's stayed. They will catch on; it just sucks at the start!