Results are in!
And the answer was mostly C!
I am still laying in bed and SD comes to stand in our doorway with her bag of cereal. She says there aren't any bowls and I can't help but inform her that we have plenty of bowls. There aren't any clean ones she says. I don't answer, rather give her a blank stare and DH doesn't say anything, probably expecting me to answer. SD walks away.
He is coming out of our bathroom and looks as me. I look back blankly and say "I'm going to let you handle this". He goes to the kitchen, I hear the dishwasher open and he tells SD there are, in fact, clean bowls and that's those were clean dishes. "They are?" she asks. I hear him tell her to look there first next time.
Is this a lesson learned? I don't know. I'll be impressed when she starts helping cook and clean up after meals.
I loved all of your poll responses and alternative scenarios, by the way!
On an unrelated note: I cleaned SD's bathroom on Saturday because I cleaned mine and hers just needed a wipe down. I told DH that he and SD are to keep it clean from now on because he regularly uses it, too. He said we should make a "chore chart" for SD. This was in a text so I burst out laughing and responded "whatever you think best, dear".
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Comments
I can't believe your SD is 12
I can't believe your SD is 12 and is this imbecilic!
Same. Then again, skid here
Same. Then again, skid here (almost 12) is the same way. It’s unbearable.
I hate the poor damsel act.
I hate the poor damsel act. HATE IT! I could tell that DH was annoyed that SD expected us to find a solution instead of her figuring it out herself. I think his gears may actually be turning!
Our home can't be Disneyland anymore now that he and SD got the 50% they wanted. If we implement a chore chart and expectations, how long do you ladies predict SD will want to remain with us 50%??
I can’t imagine long, because
I can’t imagine long, because that requires A LOT of follow through on DH’s part.
It’s a prime example why some men NEED a insta-mother figure in their home, because they don’t want to, or are incapable of parenting.
Futuro- I was shocked that he
Futuro- I was shocked that he even had the idea of an accountability chart for SD! I'm glad this wasn't suggested in person because I'd have laughed him out of the house or probably started an arguement. We've had 50% close to 2 months and he still thinks SD needs to transition to our expectations. For the life of me, I can't figure out why. Maybe because I expect our house to be night and day compared to BM's? BM is happy to kiss her children's asses, but I will not allow that if I can help it. I would not want my bios to be so entitled.
Momjeans- I know DH is not incapable of parenting. I just think he is too tired and stressed out to care, and he will stick to that excuse as long as he is at his stressful, demanding job. When I pick SD up today, if she doesn't have homework, her room is to be straightened out, trash bin taken out, and her laundry ready to be washed (I will be kind and combine it with mine because I have to do it anyway). She has an improv class at 5pm and will have plenty of time to organize her room. If she has homework, her room is to be cleaned while we make dinner. She will be asked to help clean up this evening.
Yes, only HE can do chore
Yes, only HE can do chore chart. I did a chart, with his input, years ago and after several months it crashed and burned because SD14 (then 10/11) thought it was too hard. He said he'd do one. Never did.
I don’t view skid’s shtick as
I don’t view skid’s shtick as a damsel in distress, but just plain ‘ol airheadedness. I mean, no one in her life truly takes the time to explain things to her.
DH will attempt to gently correct her on something, that even our 4 year old comprehends, and we always get the same response. A doe-eyed “Ohhhhhhh”.
That is exactly SD's MO.
That is exactly SD's MO. "Oooh it wasn't rocket science like I made it out to be" lol I would love to teach her these things but it's like pulling teeth just telling her that her laundry needs to be put away. Did I get a "thank you" for washing it? You guessed it! No. No I did not.
A chore chart for SD....that
A chore chart for SD....that DH will end up doing?
If that's how he wants to
If that's how he wants to operate, so be it }:-)
It's Called Learned Helplessness
Why do something yourself when someone else can do it for you? Of course most of us who were raised with old fashioned values and introduced early on to the concept of self-reliance and SHAME over not being so, don't think this way.
Good for you on the blank stare! It really goes a long way to play dumb sometimes and makes them react which is what you want!
This is exactly SD's act and
This is exactly SD's act and I am sick of it! Sure, we were too easy on her when we had EOWE, but she was still made to, at the very least, clean up after herself.
The latest thing is bathing. She KNOWS the rule is every other day, but still needs to be reminded. I told DH that if she doesn't do it willingly on that day, she is woken up at 6am (if a school day) to do it because of her irresponsibility. I don't know if he likes that idea lol oh and the plug for the bath won't work, so Monday night was a huff and puff that she had to SHOWER instead. The life of a skid is incredibly hard!
I would have told her that if
I would have told her that if she couldn't find a clean one.. maybe she should clean a dirty one to use. I mean.. problem solving 101?
You would definitely think so
You would definitely think so, Esmod. I didn't say more than there are plenty of dishes to use. She was ignored when she reiterated that there were no clean ones. DH says I'm "grumpy" in the morning, so if I said any more, I'd risk hurting their poor, poor fee fees with my "grumpiness".
I have to ask... did either
I have to ask... did either SD or DH actually put away the clean dishes in the dishwasher or just take what they needed? I know how it would go down here. *scratch_one-s_head*
How would this play out in
How would this play out in your home? I'll give you one guess as to the answer to your question..
Of course they would just
Of course they would just take what they need and leave the rest for me to put away!!! And don't get me going on the new toilet paper ON TOP of the old one...
DH doesn't even put it on top
DH doesn't even put it on top of the other one. Just leaves it on the counter. My blood boils thinking about it..
She's 12?? Hopy crap, and she
She's 12?? Hopy crap, and she didn't think to just...I don't know...WASH A BOWL??
Never mind...don't answer that.*dash1*
I wasn't going to answer,
I wasn't going to answer, ghost lol
No, SD has never been taught to be self sufficient but she is SO READY to get away from everyone when she goes to college and move to some random state at 17. I can't wait to hear what her first boss will have to say about her!
I have tried to help her and it's always a huffy, annoyed child who is so offended that *gasp* no one wants to fold her underwear or take out her bedroom trash bin for her! Lord forbid she's asked to help prepare food or set the table for other people.
and I'm sure because of that
and I'm sure because of that BM gets to hear all the time that you don't like her and you're mean.
Probably not. SD doesn't say
Probably not. SD doesn't say much of anything to anyone, but they used to be "best friends" so who knows?... I just never want my bios to be like SD. Don't get me wrong, she's a good enough kid, but she's very bland and is a self proclaimed "sloth".