Hi there,

This is my first time on one of these, but my partner and I have had a big fight and I don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to about this. I'm 28 and most of my friends are in very different relationships.

My partner has three children, a daughter with his first wife and two sons with his second wife. We've been together for about a year and a half and we are engaged.

I'm just really struggling with the ex, just one of them really. Her and my partner have a really odd relationship where she's really nice and then out of nowhere they're fighting .... things like the kids forgot to take their jackets home, or she wants to change arrangements and it didn't work. My partner gets incredibly effected by these fights and it effects the rest of our day. I think they are both quite stubborn. SO this happens and then all of a sudden it's the opposite and she's lovely and wants to come to the wedding and/or is sending videos out of the blue from when the kids were little.

It's like whatever is happening in her life greatly effects us and there isn't any boundaries. They have been split up for 8 years but there seems to still be this constant rollercoaster. I try to talk to my partner about it, I question why she is randomly sending videos from the past or whats happening and he gets really angry with me. Saying I'm being jeleous and if I don't want anything to do with the kids then I don't need to and that I'm not being supportive enough of him. It's never about the kids I do everything I can to accommodation them and be a part of their lives but his ex is a bit much. He just says she's crazy, it's not him and now he's saying he needs to hide stuff from me so I don't react - which just makes me feel less like I can trust him.

I'm feeling like it's a tough situation to be in and I'm doing my best, I just don't feel like there is any understanding from him about how I feel, or any appreciation for the effort I make for him and the kids to try and make everything ok and work. I know I signed up for this and knew about it from he start but surely there's got to be some give and take around it.

A whole other issue but I find it hard sometimes what other people think, he is ten years older with three kids, and I'm ok with it but sometimes when I tell people it's a real shock to them and I can see it. I feel they look at me a little different. I feel like my partner also doesn't understand this at all. Not that it should effect us, but it's just hard.

Sorry for the big rant I'm just feeling really down about it all and like I have no-one to talk to and no idea how to deal with it all. I know I need to be better.