SS7 scratched my car because he was mad at DH
SS7 decided to scratch the passenger door on my car with a sharp stone.. all because he wanted to come in to play and DH told him to stay outside and find something to explore. He later told DH that he was angry at him because he wanted to play inside and not outside.
We live in a place where it's safe for kids to be out running around or riding bikes or whatever they want to do. SS is one of those kids who can not occupy himself for more than 5 mins if asked to go find something to do. He needs either someone there entertaining him or setting something up for him.
The week before he smashed the pedal off of his bike because he didn't want to ride his bike. He then came inside and said it accidentally broke off for no reason.. later he admitted to smashing it himself.
And then to top all that off, he was writing lines as a punishment and snapped his pencil in half and announced it broke accidentally and he couldn't write any more lines.
I'm just venting.. nothing seems to work with the kid. He'll destroy something to try get to do what he wants. And what kid doesn't love to go outside and be a kid??
Uh oh, there would be hell to
Uh oh, there would be hell to pay at my house if that happened. Literally, SS would have to be out making money to pay to repair my car, I don't care how old he was. I probably wouldn't speak to the kid for a while, either.
What does your DH do when he catches his son in a lie?
DH has tried everything to
DH has tried everything to lessen the lying. Time outs, things taken away, talks explaining why it's bad, writing lines, loosing privileges.
Nothing works, SS lies automatically most times. Can never tell if he's telling the truth or not. And unfortunately he is a pretty good liar for his age.
Does his school have a
Does his school have a counselor? Might be worth reaching out to ask about his problems with anger and lying.
I would have a whole pack of
I would have a whole pack of pens and pencils and just set it in front of him.. "no problem" here is another.... by the way.. let's add "I will not break pencils on purpose" 50 times when you are done with this.
Oh.. and yeah.. I would make him pay to have the scratch rubbed out (if it could be).. he would also lose something of value to him for destroying something of value.. like the bike pedal.. lost your Xbox now son.. going to sell it.
That is what happened..
That is what happened.. another pencil was provided and more lines added.
He lost the Xbox a year ago, hasn't had any gaming or TV at home since then.
DH gathered up some toys and bright SS with to the Goodwill to donate them. He hoped that would rattle SS. It didn't, in fact SS got a bunch of good attention from the staff there for being such a nice kid.
Oooooh, I'd have him out
Oooooh, I'd have him out there with a buffing cloth and make him "buff it out" just make him do it for an hour or two so he see's how hard it's going to be to fix, then sell something he values! to pay for it!
Actually a lot of kids don't like to "just go out and play", and the ones that don't, will usually find trouble to get into if they're forced, as you see. If you can find some activity for him, ie after school program, sports team,library story time, it might help some,. But as others have said, there must be immediate consequences to match the severity of the offence.
Good Luck!
He hasn't been out to play
He hasn't been out to play alone since then... and it sucks. He's now constantly in the house when we are home.. needing something every 5 mins.
I can't understand why any kid would not enjoy going outside and having some freedom to explore.
I'll suggest an after school activity or program to DH, thank you!
Can you ground him to
Can you ground him to outside? Sounds like sending him to his room won't work because he will like it. Maybe, make him run up and down your road a number of times? Some of the homes where I have work (with special needs) use AI (actively ignore) either when he has misbehaved or to discourage his "needing" every 5 min (not both!) when he come demanding attention, intentionally start talking to someone else, get up and walk away and do something, avoid eye contact at all cost, shield your eyes with your hand if you need to. Make inside as unlikable as possible. Is there anyway you and DH can sit out on the porch when you're home? Meals on the patio? Make outside the main place he gets interaction?
On a personal note, I'm not above providing some "hand to A_S therapy" myself.
What ESMOD said. How is DH
What ESMOD said.
How is DH going to pay the damage to your car.
I second what ESMOD said. DH
I second what ESMOD said. DH needs to really consider taking SS7 to a child therapist. Sounds like he may have some anger issues. Or he just needs a good ole fashioned spanking.
I have suggested therapy a
I have suggested therapy a long time ago for his rage issues. DH thought I was being unreasonable.
This isn't the first (or probably last) time SS has caused damage out of anger. He kicked a foot sized hole in a screen door because our dog wouldn't play with him. Unfortunately the screen door belonged to a friend of mine who had lent us his vacation cabin one weekend.
DH never took responsibility for his kid and did not do the right thing and repair the door. DH did however rant and rave for a few hours.. that was the only consequence for SS (and DH for his crap poor parenting style).. my friend ended up doing the repair himself. I have never been so embarrassed of my DH before that and still am to this day. BTW, my friend is one of those people who just takes care of things.. no hard feelings on his part.
I am sorry. Trust me I know
I am sorry. Trust me I know what it's like to expect your DH to handleca situation. I would have felt embarrassed too.
I think like my DH, your DH will come to have regrets when the Skids get older.
Unfortunately you probably
Unfortunately you probably have a long road ahead of you. My SS (now 32) had such rage issues at 5 YEARS OLD that in-patient psych hospitalization was required. BM is a medical professional at a major hospital (has been there for almost 35 years) and her father was a well respected doctor on the board of administrators of a hospital. So SS had access to some of the best medical and psych care available.
SS continued to have horrid rage issues. He spent the last 3 1/2 years of his minority in juvie for some crime that no one will talk about. He's trashed multiple apartments, beat up women, beat up elderly people, served jail time, etc.
I am TOTALLY disengaged from him. I feel so sorry for my DH that he has such a worthless son. Even though I am not close to BM (don't really know her) - I feel sorry for her too.
God forbid I would ever tell
God forbid I would ever tell my parents I was bored, I would be given chores to do. But your SS sounds like he has ODD and would make your life even more hell enforcing the chores.
I wonder if having a policeman come talk to him about the crime he committed would scare him at all?
My youngest son had ODD. His BD is a diagnosed psychopath, so I made a poor life choice playing russian roulette with his genes. Raising one of these kids is a long road. My son took Concerta just to function at school. It is a controlled substance, so there were times we had trouble getting our scripts filled. I once had to send him to school without, and his adhd-doubting teacher was converted into a believer.
Some of them grow out of it, some of them don't. I had mine son arrested a few times, and that scared the crap out of him. He is one of the ones who kinda grew out of this brain abnormality, and is somewhat better now.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Little thug in the making.
Little thug in the making. Hope your DH starts effectively parenting soon! Wait til this kid is a teen and the things he breaks are bigger and more expensive.
I will kick DH in the nuts
I will kick DH in the nuts cause his kid pissed me off and he will pay for repairs...
Your SS sounds exactly like
Your SS sounds exactly like Prince Hygiene at that age. He shit all over my furniture on purpose because he didn't get his way. He's now heading for juvi at stb 15. You already know this but your pro memo is DH for being overly permissive. I was a single mom and i would have opened up a can of whoop ass.
This kid has some anger
This kid has some anger issues.