Sneaky and rude
I've bounced between completely disengaged to easing back into trying to make it more family like. I have a pretty good relationship with SS8 now. We do things together and he is kind and generally a good kid. SS10 on the other hand has just become progressively more irritating. He constantly lies about everything. Apparently at their BM house SS10 is the golden child and SS8 is the trouble maker, completely opposite at my house. SS10 is constantly trying to sneak candy and treats and eat all of them before SS8 or anyone can have any. And what really frustrates me is that he hides the trash rather than throw it away. And I find it later. That's annoying. But I buy these snacks for the kids to share and have as rewards not for SS10 to get up at 1am and eat everything and hide the wrappers under the couch. I've talked to him, I've told him all he has to do is ask and unless it's dinner time, he's more than welcome to have some snacks. The problem is he doesn't and he doesn't limit himself to a couple snacks or drinks, he has to have them all. And when I find the wrappers or catch him in the act (my job often gets me up in the middle of the night) he lies to my face. Like I'm not smart enough to know what the truth is. Like I wasn't a preteen once and though I was smarter than everyone. I'm trying to make him a better person without losing my mind. I want us to have the relationship I have with my step parents or even like I have with SS8. I tried disengagement but I want to have this family be a family. Idk this is just venting I guess, unless someone has some great advice lol
Dad?
Where is dad in this picture? Does he see this? Or is he like so any others, mine included, blind to his son"s faults? I would think he would want his son to learn the boundaries around this issue: taking something when you've been told not to take it, piggishly eating all of what's meant for several children, good sportsmanship, etc.
When I read your title, "Sneaky and Rude", I thought, somebody was here at our house about 40 years ago and witnessed some of the behavior. Lol. Two of my SKs were sneaky liars. I never understood it but it seemed like a passive aggressive revolt against me somehow. Sigh...
You're correct in their
You're correct in their father is only half in most of the time. He ignores a lot of their behaviors that are annoying but not dangerous or harmful. If they have a major issue or fighting he will step in, but just "oh SS10 got into stuff again, oh when will he learn"... and dad has used the excuse "you bought those snacks for the kids, why is it a problem he ate them?" And that's not the problem, the problem is he didn't eat his dinner but he ate an entire bag of candy and threw the wrappers under the couch and a trail of ants led me to the trash. And that he took it without permission and ate all of it so his brother couldn't have any.
maybe I'm being too controlling, but I find it to be bad behavior. And then to lie to me about it, that makes me infuriated.
No, you're not too controlling
If DH chooses not to address it, about all you can do is lock up the snacks. Two of my SKs were such terrible liars. YSS was particularly bad. If I asked a question, within the next 5 minutes, I'd get every answer from yes to maybe to no. He just could not respond honestly to me. Perhaps he was afraid he'd give the wrong answer. SD was (still is) the more sneaky liar type. Of course,to DH the sun shone out of you know where.
You can't care more then the
You can't care more then the parents, if DH won't corral his spawn. Then he needs to pay for the animal clean-up & YOU NEED TO STOP DOING IT. Tell him he parents or he pays for maid service to come in and clean up after him once a week & an exterminator once a month. You do not need to live in filth because he refuses to control his child.
two words: closet lock. lock
two words: closet lock. lock them in a box in your closet (or in aa tub) and dole them out as you feel fit. if kids complain tell them ehy and tough noogies for them.
I was thinking the same. My
I was thinking the same. My mom had to do this when I was like 6 because I had an awful sweet tooth as a kid.... I just wanted chocolate so much lol
I'm not an expert but...
This is weird behaviour. I mean I think it's normal for kids to try and sneak snacks maybe a couple of times but you want to make sure there's nothing deeper going on. My step daughter has obsession with food because she remembers never having any when she lived with her mum. She used to feel when certain food items ran out, she would never have it again, and would have massive anxiety about it. So if she knew there was a snack in the house, she couldn't sleep until she had eaten it all.
I mean he might be just a little sneak. But it worth checking out because I've learned many people's behaviour towards food is quite emotional.
Next time he comes I just wouldn't provide yummy snacks and say it's because he doesn't share with everyone and until he learns to share there's plenty of fruit in the basket, plenty of water in the tap. If he's hungry between meals tell him to make himself a sandwich.
i agree with above,, simply
i agree with above,, simply stop buying the treats and if that means everyone misses out,,then you can explain to everyone that it is because SS10 keeps stealing and eating everything and they will all need to talk to him about why the household cannot have any more treats. years ago i found SS12 was stealing all the cans of coke from the shed fridge and hiding all the empty cans under my sons bed, same with all the packets of crips etc.