The following is a letter that I wrote to my husband. After reading it, do you think this is a marriage that can be saved?

I have debated and debated on writing this letter. However, I’ve received your texts and I feel like I need to point out a few things:

1. You put EASY SPY on my phone. I have no guarantee that it is not still on there. According to what I’ve read in my extensive research in this piece of shit program that you purchased with a PREPAID card (so I wouldn’t discover your purchase) for $50, this covert program can be accessed remotely. Therefore, to circumvent this invasive intrusion into my basic right of privacy, I leave my phone at the office. Not because I am doing anything wrong. Not because I’m off seeing Joe (or anyone else for that matter) but simply because you, nor anyone else, has the right to control me. And in my way of thinking, you knowing every single move I make is an issue of control. It ceased to be an issue of concern when you installed that program onto my phone without my knowledge.

2. You put AT & T’s Family Tracker on my phone without my knowledge. I don’t think you realized that AT & T would contact me to let me know. They HAD to do that, DH. Why? Because it is the law. As a citizen of this United States, and as guaranteed through Amendment IV of the Bill of Rights, I have a right to my privacy.

3. The fact that you installed those programs onto my phone without my knowledge leads me to another point that must be made.

KRS. 526.010 “Eavesdrop” means to overhear, record, amplify, or transmit any part of a wire or oral communication of others without the consent of at least one party thereto by means of any electronic, mechanical or other device.

KRS. 526.030 A person is guilty of eavesdropping when he intentionally uses any device to eavesdrop, whether or not he is present at the time. (2) Eavesdropping is a Class D Felony.

KRS. 526.030 (1) A person is guilty of installing an eavesdropping device when he intentionally installs or places such a device in any place with the knowledge that it is to be used for eavesdropping. (2) Installing an eavesdropping device is a Class D Felony.

4. In addition, you actively went through my email. Again without my knowledge. But not only is this my personal email but it also serves as my work email. However, I take some responsibility in this in that I gave you my password.

Am I mad? Oh hell yes. Am I hurt? Oh hell yes. You have no idea. You asked me last night if I had considered how you felt when you heard, read or whatever you’ve got on me with OG…. Yes, I have….and I’m truly sorry about that. I am where I am though because of years and years of you not supporting me, standing up for me, or respecting me. I would never have ever left your side had you been a husband in the truest sense of the word. Ever. I know I keep saying this but it’s the truth. When we first got together, I loved you more than anything in this world. Loving you came very easily to me. When I married you, it was supposed to be for life. I had high hopes that our marriage would be nearly perfect. I loved you so much that surely it couldn’t be any other way. But it was. And for me, finding that out was devastating.

It didn’t take long before I figured out that I was in this by myself. You and your son on one side, me and mine on the other. However, you never had to fight the same battles I did. My kids respected you because I refused to accept anything less. You were my husband…no one would ever disrespect you as long as I was around. Aside from that fact, my children were taught respect because children SHOULD be taught respect regardless of their age, socio-economic status, or whether or not they had been abandoned by a parent. If they didn’t show respect, they’d have to answer to me and it wouldn’t be good. But you? You didn’t demand the same. You didn’t demand it from anyone. As a matter of fact, you taught your child how to treat me. You did that by yelling at me in front of him, undermining my authority, and through the general acceptance of his disrespect by ignoring it because you “didn’t know what to do.”

Because you “didn’t know what to do,” my life with you has been ….well, lets just say, not as good as what it was supposed to have been. You can sit there and tell me “Oh Itzjustme, it wasn’t all bad.” And you’re right, it wasn’t. But when you say that, keep in mind that your perspective differs greatly from mine. I slept with my door locked because I was AFRAID. I don’t recall you having to do that. I begged and begged for you to DO SOMETHING….. but because you “didn’t know what to do,” you did nothing. And you know who paid the ultimate price for your inaction? I did. I suffered, DH. Suffered is a great adjective to describe what I’ve gone through in our marriage. It means to undergo, be subjected to, or endure anything unpleasant. YOU made me suffer. YOUR inaction made me suffer. I cried. I wrote you letters. I literally begged. All to no avail. Is this really what you wanted for someone you professed to love?

I almost choked when you asked me what was wrong yesterday morning…. “did I (you) do something?” Uh…yes. You’ve done something. You have destroyed my trust. You have made me question everything that you do. You have made me continuously wonder what it is that you are trying to catch me at doing. You have crushed, re-crushed, and ultimately destroyed the love that I felt for you in the beginning. I never thought it could be done. Ever. Do you get that? I mean, do you really get that? Do you get how very much I loved you? I sincerely don’t think you do and I don’t blame you. Why? You can’t get it because you never loved me like that. You can argue with me and say that you did, but it wouldn’t be the truth. You didn’t. There is no way that you could have. You do not treat someone that you love like that.

Love is the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone. Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete. This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them. Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense, and passionate.

Can you honestly say that you felt that way about me? If in fact you say yes, then you need to ask yourself WHY everything that doesn’t bear repeating happened in our marriage. WHY was I subjected to all that? WHY was our sex life so non-existent? WHY did you do nothing when you were well-aware of how I felt? WHY did you wait until I could take no more to see fit to make changes? WHY did you let it get that far? WHY was I not worthy enough to be respected? WHY? WHY? WHY? It was never supposed to be this way. How long did you expect me to continue to take it?

You said not staying with me in the hospital was a “mistake.” A mistake? Funny how NOT staying with you in City (where he was hospitalized) NEVER ONCE crossed my mind. Staying with you was a given. Want to know why? Because you were my husband and I loved you. I couldn’t bear the thought of coming home without you….of leaving you there alone. I couldn’t bear the thought of you lying in that bed thinking you didn’t mean enough to me for me to stay. I know you would have thought that because that’s exactly what I myself thought when I was in the hospital alone. YOUR “mistake” broke MY heart.

I’m sure my “mistake” broke your heart as well. You should be happy though….because up until you illegally hacked into my phone, you had only yourself to blame for this mess. Now you can blame me. But did I have an affair? No. No I did not. Did I develop an emotional attachment to someone other than my husband? Yes. That begs the question as to why. My only answer to that is that my husband wasn’t there for me. I tried to get my husband to be there for me but he “didn’t know what to do.” Did I say things that I shouldn’t have? Yes. I allowed the desire to meet my emotional needs to cloud my judgment. Do I regret being made to feel worthy? No. Absolutely not. Is my relationship with Joe a wild, illicit, sexual thing? No. Absolutely not. I do have some morals. Does OG have anything to do with what is going on between you and I? No. Absolutely not. Since you had access to all of my texts, calls, etc, you should have known that I tried to get him to work things out with his wife. You would have also seen/heard me type/tell him that he needs to give 150% in his relationship. It may be that he still can….but that is his decision and his alone to make.

I think you and I had good conversation in Myrtle Beach and I’m really glad that we went. You are right. You are a good person and the most awesome stepdad to my two sons. I’ve often said that I couldn’t have made a better stepdad than you. But I too am a good person and I might have made a decent stepmother. I never wanted to hurt you and I’m sorry if I have but I know that what I wrote in the letter I left on the computer is my truth. I hope that you will leave this relationship knowing how very much you were loved. I have loved no one like I loved you. Ever. The pain that I have felt has nearly been unbearable. My heart is truly broken…but it has been broken for a long time and I know that it will eventually mend. I know that we will both be okay. I know that trust is the core foundation to a relationship and I know that we do not have that anymore. Therefore, I have faith in knowing that for us to be happy, we have to let go. I forgive you, DH and I hope that you will find it in your heart to someday forgive yourself. I too must forgive myself and accept that I wasn’t enough. I also want you to know that I absolutely wish nothing but the very best for you…..and I thank you for all that you have taught and shown me.