OT - 13 year told she can have a boyfriend
My DH and I recently took his niece out to celebrate her 13th b-day. While we were having dinner she informed us that her mom told her she could have a boyfriend when she starts high school in the fall, and they could have supervised dates. She went on to state "what's the point" of having a date if it's going to be supervised? I could tell she was more than thrilled with the fact of having a boyfriend, and I was mortified.
She's an only child, spoiled rotten and doesn't have a history of dishonesty so I have no reason to not believe her.
Now, am I the only one who feels a 13 year old shouldn't be allowed to date? I feel her mom is only asking for trouble, and she should be telling her to focus on her studies as she'll have plenty of time for boys. Have things changed this much? I wasn't even thinking about boys at 13. I told DH that they're going to have to keep a close eye on her, and he agreed.
What the hell is my SIL thinking? Is this the new norm?
It's not uncommon for 12 yr
It's not uncommon for 12 yr olds to "date" when I was growing up. Most of it is harmless, like "omg, we held hands the entire movie!!" :O Stupid kid stuff. The fact that it's chaperoned makes me believe it's about the same.
My lil bro, 12, has already had a couple girlfriends. The most that's happened were pecks on the lips and that was only the serious girlfriend.
On the other hand, I've heard my cousins talking about condoms and running trains on girls...this was when they were 13 for the condom mention and 15 when talking about the train.
To each parent their own... but I just hope she prepares them for the opposite sex so their child doesn't get taken advantage of.
I think I was more dismayed
I think I was more dismayed about how excited she was about having a boyfriend. I'm also concerned that she'll do everything in her power to have an "un-supervised date" even if it means sneaking boys home after school.
To each parent his/her own, but I feel her primary focus should be an education . .not boys. She'll have plenty of time for that later.
This is one of my fears as
This is one of my fears as well. My daughter now 30 dated when she was 16 and mostly group dates.
SD11's BM is a piece of work..has no rules and SD11 runs there house. Not our of course she knows better.
But BM has not morals, she doesn't have healthy boundaries for sd11. I know she will be the same way. It scares me, I understand the pitfalls for dating young, I watched my daughters class mates that dated early, most of them made bad choices.
I feel for you...I think we are headed in the same direction.
First of all, I am with you.
First of all, I am with you. I know that some people feel that there is nothing wrong with dating at a young age and they all have their reasons.
Me, personally, I feel that its too young. While I understand that its "practice' for getting older and its normal for kids to have crushes, I find that the earlier you start one thing, the earlier it leads to other things.
SS12 had a "girlfriend" for the last year and a half. I found it ridiculous. BM thought it was cute. Dad (SO) didn't like it, but didn't think it would hurt. I flat out said the earlier he's doing this, the earlier he'll start with making out/sex etc. Its just what follows. Everything starts and builds slowly over time. I know SS12 was french kissing and telling the little girl I love you.
Of course when you say anything, it doesn't seem to matter.
Of course what we say doesn't
Of course what we say doesn't matter - especially if our uterus does not function properly! The ironic thing is that BM literally married both men she ever dated - her loser first husband who beat her supposedly and my FH - both of whom left her. I, on the other hand, enjoyed a very active dating life and never wanted for male companionship - mainly because I make an effort to be a fun and outgoing person whom people enjoy being around but I also take pains with my appearance and it pays off - things that BM just can't seem to get the hang of apparently!
So WHO does FH and BM believe is best qualified to guide the teenage SD's in the realm of dating? Yup - BM herself and I am to stay out of it. Next thing you know they are going to be hiring a bus driver to rewire the house and a plumber to landscape the yard! }:)
"Next thing you know they are
"Next thing you know they are going to be hiring a bus driver to rewire the house and a plumber to landscape the yard!"
HAHA!
i think this is pretty much
i think this is pretty much the norm. i have a 7th grade ds and and 8th grade dd as well as an 8th grade ss. They all have signicant others currently. My ds is 12-this is his first "real" gf-they dont have "dates". He sees her at school, local events, and texts her like a fiend. He told me that they are "soul mates"-He's never even kissed her before or any other girl for that matter. I try not to diminsh his feelings because they are important to him and simply said I thought it was pretty rare to find one's soul mate at 12, but if he has then he's very lucky and to be sure and treat her well and take lots of time to get to know her since theyll have their whole lives being soul mates and all
My dd is 14 and has always had some boyfriend or another. Just here recently, she has started going to his house some (while his parents are home and supervising and often with her friends along as well)that's about as much of a date as they've gotten. I've also given him a ride to and from youth group-so maybe that would be considered a date?
My ss13 meets his gf at the movies. My mil drops him off and picks him up a few hours later.
Most of my kids friends have boyfriends/girlfriends at this age. It is really normal for the kids to be interested and want a relationship. As a parent you just have to keep an eye on things and monitor it-it sounds as if the bm in this case is actually going to do this in terms of the "supervised" date. So really kudos to her.
I had my first real boyfriend
I had my first real boyfriend at the end of being 15. My mother had a rule, no boyfriends until 16. My dad didn't care as long as he met the kid. I was never promiscuous, nothing serious until college.
On the other hand, the after-school program I work at, some of the kids are talking about their boyfriends and ex-boyfriends at 9/10... WHAT? Holding a kid's hand at recess doesn't equal boyfriend, but whatever works. Not sure how I'll handle this with my BD, but as she's 9mos, I have a few years to figure that out.
Geez, I guess I'm really
Geez, I guess I'm really behind the times.
I get the vibe that she's going to have sex the first chance she gets which is why she stated she was unhappy about having "supervised" dates.
The words kids use today
The words kids use today often means something differnt than it did when I was young. My nephew is 16yrs old. dating is where you just see each other at school and going together is where you go together but are a couple. Now boy friend and girl friend are serious. LOL. But its a proven fact in our schools the girls are the leaders in pursuing the guys now. So teaching our daughters that guys must respect them. Is a big lesson. Whats acceptable and not acceptable. and about birth control because if they get pg their the ones that are going to get dumped. Its sad but true.
I agree. I'm truly scared
I agree. I'm truly scared for her because she's already on fire from what I see. Then her mom went and gave her the "green light" so to speak.
It's truly a different day.
I HATE THIS SHOW TOO! BM and
I HATE THIS SHOW TOO! BM and SD watch it every chance they get. Then BM acts surprised when she finds out her 15 yr old is having sex! It was her first time and it wasn't even with her boyfriend! It wasnt like she was with a boy for yrs or even weeks and things got out of hand. SD lied to Bm and my DH and spent the night at this boys house! Neither one of them knew what was going on. I had a feeling what was going on why didn't they? Then 2 weeks after she tells me she had sex with this boy I find her on the porch with another boy when she was suppose to be at the YMCA!!! I have been trying to tell my DH how much she lies so she can see guys and he just blew it off even after the whole sex thing. Let me tell ya he changed his mind when I brought her back the night I caught her on the porch with this boy. The best thing was my DD (11)was with me and her jaw dropped! She said "mom how did you know" I replied "I ALWAYS KNOW!"
Love the signature...LOL I
Love the signature...LOL I tell ours 'I know these things!!' I am absolutely horrified to read that they are considering lowering the age of consent for sexual relationships. I say chastity belts until they are 25! (huge grin...knowing that I will not be taken seriously here)
I do not disagree with 'dates' as such for teenagers, chaperoned movie, bowling or skating dates are fine. If you think about it, though, the thrill of the 'forbidden' is a lot to resist for an immature mind...right?
I have no time for drunken assholes but people can drink responsibly, people can be promiscuous but they can also learn to be responsible about sex too. I believe that part of learning is easing gradually into the process, right? In Italy, and indeed a lot of places in Europe, children drink wine with meals, they learn that moderation is good from an early age. Kids want to grow up FAST! Part of maintaining their delusion is moderating their experiences for them and preparing them to take responsibility for themselves in later life. Not every parent acts responsibly though, which sucks!
I think 13 is okay to go on
I think 13 is okay to go on dates.....group dates!! or if they want to come over and hang out w/ ALL of us. I trust my BD (she tells me all the time she's not ready and she doesn't want to like people just because they like her). I count my blessings; SD was having Se* by then!!