One last time I ask this question... should I stay or should I go?
Life isnt so bad to be honest. His Ex wife doesnt bother us, except when EOW is comming and she tries to dump the kid even longer with us. She will try to scam anything from extra 2 hours to extra night.
My bf at this time has allowed her to manipulate him taking the kid until Monday twice. He says no more. This is hard because having this kid 3 consecutive days is hell on earth. Monday is totally ruined (we both work) because i cant even have my morning coffee without him doing ridicilous things and being loud. He is almost 10, and acts like he is 4.
We are close to getting married, but somehow i am doubting everything. I do love him very much, but the thought of having his kid in my life forever is making me miserable. As the time goes by, i cant stand him more and more. I cant stand the fact that some of the choices in my life are directly affected by his kid.
I do love this man alot, and I know that he loves me, but i also know he cant make his kid dissapear.
Should I get out while I can, and be with someone without baggage?
Should I stay and suck it up for the one I love?
I am lost.
He is not a guilty daddy, although there is no telling if he is going to turn into one.
Just last night he commented how he feels sorry for the poor kid, because nobody seems to want him around.
Ofcourse nobody wants him around, he is the most whiny clingy attention seeking kid that nobody can stand for longer then an hour.
We have 2 week holiday lined up in August and I dont think I can go through 2 weeks of mental torture.
I need help.
You aren't going to find a
You aren't going to find a relationship that doesn't have some kind of baggage and your situation does not sound that bad. It just depends on how much you love the guy and if you are willing to sacrifice.
This is a tough situation to
This is a tough situation to be in. And while yes all relationships can have "baggage", this doesn't really qualify as baggage in my book. Here's a question. Has your bf ever just put his foot down with the SS? I mean REALLY put his foot down and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and there will be consequences if it continues? If he has refused to do this, then you will be headed towards a very bumpy marriage.
I know you love him dearly and I'm not trying to persuade you one way or the other. Close your eyes and think about this. Can you mentally handle this type of situation for at LEAST the next 8 years? To be honest, it may even be more than 8 years. I have a 21 yr old SD living with us right now, and the more it looks like she will never move out, the more I want to drink myself into oblivion. Always remember, no matter how much you love someone, your SANITY comes first!
He has put his foot down with
He has put his foot down with the kid, although there were no consequences per se. He just didnt want to buy him expensive things like games, etc.
He also doesnt give in when ex wife tries to manipulate him into taking the kid for every single weekend while she has fun with her bf, and things like that. He is always affectionate towards me when the kid is around and he includes or tries to (if i want) me into things they want to do together (but usually its vegetating, since the kid is so fat and lazy he doesnt want to get out of the house). Lately he even put stop to that, he is making the kid get out for a walk at least.
Despite of all that, I cant stand the kids voice any more, his whining and constant attention seeking. He is not nasty child, he is just extremely lazy, and not raised well at all.
To be honest, my situation is not as bad as some i read about here, but im not sure if I can handle whats been put on my plate.
It bothers me when the kid refers to the bedroom we have set the couch for him to sleep as his. It is NOT his bedroom. I get nervous breakdown every time i hear that.
Why do i feel this way? Will i stop caring about his existance when i get my own child?
I dont know.
I would run if I didn't have
I would run if I didn't have kids. And yes, there are relationships without this much baggage. Actually, last night while DH decided not to talk to me again, he could care less how stressed I am and it's always me who is the witch, I found an old friend on facebook...DH can't stand the guy, although we were always just friends...he is 40yrs old, cute, never married and no kids...geez...what the heck was I thinking to get involved with someone with a kid and crazy ex-wife? sigh...so there are still nice guys out there without all this crazy baggage...Yes, odds are that there will always be some problems in a relationship...but when the problems are only within the relationship, they are easier to fix...when you involve and ex and kids, the problems continue to come up forever and you are evil if you put your foot down.
As you pointed out, he may
As you pointed out, he may not be a guilty daddy now but. . .
The "poor kid" comment always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Also "although there were no consequences per se." makes me think he could easily slide into full blown guiltzillaism (not unlike the biodad in my case, "Godsgift" or GG)
I think he has INCLINATIONS toward guilty daddy. What if the BM suddenly wants to dump him on you full time? Will biodad suddenly become a guiltzilla just to "keep Junior from going back to the BM's" (TM)
I am going to play the devils
I am going to play the devils advocate here. If you already have such a negative attitude towards this child, even if his behaviour improved, you would probably be skeptical of this kid. Imagine being this child, nobody wants him. Not his mom or future step-mom. What help is this child getting to develop appropriate behavior, and what love does he get? If you want the relationship to work, get the child councilling. Get yourself counseling to deal with your anger.
Wow, did you get your degree
Wow, did you get your degree in Children's Rights Advocacy? They're not even married - bio-dady should be dealing with this.
Your situation doesn't sound
Your situation doesn't sound all that bad. Mine is way worse, and there are **many** on here who have it much worse than me. Based on your description of yourself, you are probably not willing to make sacrifices with respect to this kid to make your relationship work. That's fine, there are plenty of childless fish in the sea, but no relationship is perfect. They all take work.
You are right, I am not
You are right, I am not prepared for sacrificing myself for someone elses kid. Maybe I love myself too much and am too selfish for such act. Thats why i am asking what do you think.
I personally am really close to call everything off. I dont think I can go through this for the rest of my life. The way I feel about this at the moment isnt so good.
I dont have children of my own yet, and it doesnt help the fact that bf wants to wait a bit (for whatthefuckever) till we try for one, or that he only wants one with me, because he already has one and is getting too old for more (he is 33 mind you) thats all the reasons why i am starting to really resent his kid.
Plus the fact that we really cant travel anywhere because of his kid doesnt make things easier either.
I think i just answered my own question.