New to this forum!
I'm new to this forum. I just wanted to say hi to everyone here and give a little bit of info about myself. I am a soon to be stepmom to a 3 year old firecracker, and I also have a bio daughter who is 2 and a half. My SO and I met in August of 07, and I moved in with him in December of 08. We had both just gotten out of bad relationships, his being an actual marriage, and both were a result of infidelity. We were both newly single parents, to little girls. It was an instant bond and I knew right away that he was the ONE. At this point, we are seriously talking marriage, and have plans to be married before the end of 09.
I am basically here to discuss my struggles as a stepparent. I have my issues with my DD's bio dad, but I feel like I have walked into a war zone with this whole stepmom thing. My SO is getting ready to find an attorney and fight for primary physical custody of his daughter.
I'm sure many of you are going through something similar, so I would love some feedback! 
your SO better have alot of
your SO better have alot of patience and money and you as well because this is going to be drawn out, your going ot hate hearing the EXs name over and over with time and 9 out of 10 times the dad never wins...
I welcome you to this and I am a stepmom to a 4 year old firecracker myself, I have 1 4 year old BD and a 1 year old son with my FH, we went through 4 years and 60,000 to get no where with custody so you have to decide early when to stop other wise youll be seperating faster then you know.
Well, he already has
Well, he already has custody. In fact, he has all of the same rights as bio mom. When they divorced the only agreement that was documented was that both legal and physical custody would be divided 50/50. He has had her AT LEAST half the time from day 1. Technically, he has had her more than half the time. We are not dealing with a bio mom that wants to keep her child with her, we are dealing with a bio mom who has been slowly weaning herself off of her own daughter, and doesn't WANT her in her care full time or even part time at this point. SD doesn't have a "home" with bio mom... her "home" has either been in the home of a previous boyfriend, or living under her parents roof with no room or bed of her own to sleep in, because there isn't enough space for everyone. We provide SD with all of that and more. Over the last few months, bio mom has gone off the deep end, seeing her daughter for maybe 4 days out of a month... until this last weekend, when she dropped her off with us and told us that she will be living here "indefinitely" while she "finds herself" and gets on her own 2 feet... her parents threw her out. We have decided that we need to see a lawyer and get it in writing that SD remains in our care primarily... and we know that it is what is best for everyone.
Wow, a CPS worker? How
Wow, a CPS worker? How convenient. I am very thankful that bio mom has never tried to alienate either of us from my fiance's daughter. This last time she dropped her off she went on and on about how grateful she is that we can take her and give her what she needs. Of course, that isn't always the way it is, she can be a feisty one. She has accused us both of abuse when she couldn't get an extra $100 out of fiance. She can be a total bitch to HIM, but when it comes to leaving her child here she is all sunshine and roses because she doesn't want her around... she is relieved. :sick:
I count my blessings every day, that bio mom settled on custody so easily when they divorced and that at least he doesn't have to fight for his basic rights as her dad... he already has them and bio mom has not been any more a part of that child's life than he has... but of course we're afraid that because bio mom has a vagina that could be overlooked.
All I know is that if this woman is granted full custody, my opinion of the entire family court system will be shot to hell.
I am terrified about the $
I am terrified about the $ aspect, yes. We do not have even $30,000 to fork out in a custody battle. But bio mom has nothing to her name, nothing. She doesn't have $ to fork out for anything, she can't even pay her own bills. We're praying that we can settle this outside of court, and that our attorney can help us back her into a corner, because she has already acknowledged that she is unfit to parent her own child, but leaving her here indefinitely.
So everyone here seems to
So everyone here seems to think that bio mom WILL get custody no matter how unfit she is? Are there any families here that did get what they were hoping for?
No I don't think that she
No I don't think that she will Automatically get custody just because she is the bm. My husband won primary custody over the bm. But the facts that remain true are you will have to shell out a ton of money and the states do favor the bm. But it is possible to win. This will be a true maker or breaker in your relationship as well, purely because of the stress you guys will be under. It is going to be a long drawn out road. I wish you the best of luck.