Pours the new girl a drink.....

Have a seat Sunshinegirl717.

You're going to see a lot of opposing views. You're going to see some snarky bitches. But mostly, you're going to see people who have walked in your shoes.

Do what I did.....ignore the jerks, pay attention to the members who are giving you some hard truths. I learned a lot about being a SM and what I was doing wrong. And I found I'm not totally crazy.

Welcome!

Me and my DH didn't come from blended families either and this has been the most bumpy, painful ride of both our lives! Best initial advice is don't get offended with the blunt and sometimes rude comments on here. Step parenting is only for the brave and the strong. But let me be the first to empathize with you and say that it totally sucks to be in this position. Sorry.

Being in a blended family is....ummmm....interesting. It can be okay dependent on BM & BF. If everyone gets along the ride will be much more smooth. If BM or BF are in the least bit crazy, GIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL hang on tight!

All in all everyone above is right - im fairly new too, but I lurked for a while.

There's some really sound advice here, sometimes you have to shift thru the snark and bluntness to find it but it is there. I don't think anyone here is purposefully being rude but at times it can come off that way. Don't take anything personally.

Welcome, pull up a seat and have a good time!!!!

You'll find that the people who end up here are the ones where something isn't working.

Sometimes it's a crazy BM.

Sometimes a Guilty Daddy or Disney Daddy.

Sometimes psycho kids.

And sometimes marital issues.

This is a good place for support, for sure. But the support is supposed to get you to change things for yourself. Which is often hard to hear. And depends on your own values and priorities.

Contrary to what you'll assume from reading here there are some blended families who are 100% happy. I've never met one personally, and only rarely do they attend this Forum having no need for it. So 99% of us have problems and seek solutions and I believe that 99% represent the number of blended families in the world that aren't happy.

My best advise for you and your children is continue your relationship but do not marry or co-habitat (shack up as us old timers used to say). Studies show that children from single parent homes do better in school and socializing than children from step-homes. We've all read, right here, of children totally destroyed by divorces and finished off by being forced into a step-parent home.

Had you come here earlier I would have advised you to not even let your children know the other adult existed in your life but it's too late now. So for now look around, learn what you can, and share any knowledge or successes you have.

We just lost a couple of members who got smart and divorced their second marriages so you'll be welcome to fill in their spaces so to speak. Welcome - we're not as bad as we sound.

yes,I heard they are out there somewhere (the happy blended families), but here you find a place to vent and find support in tough times , sometimes the ladies sound a bit harsh, but are very helpful welcome!

I have two SILs via one brother who has been married twice and had 2 sets of kids. They all get on fine, adults and kids in all directions. It is possible. But the secret would appear to be that both women are extremely kind, generous, mature individuals and everyone including the full extended families (on 3 sides) works hard at all times to make it happen. So yes, it does happen, but requires both basic compatibility of all personalities plus high level maturity of all adults, plus no weak links in the extended families. Thus, I would expect it to be rare.
But welcome! I have learned so much and had so much support from this site.

And here I thought it was going to be fun fun FUN!! Thank goodness for this site!!

Welcome, I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and pick up some useful advice and perspective from others who are living the blended family dream/adventure.

As others have suggested, I suggest that you take what you need from this community and ignore the periodic snarky bullshit.

One nugget I suggest that you take and use immediately is to establish house rules for the kids and enforce them.

You and your DH are equity partners in life and in my opinon that makes you equity parents to any children in your home regardless of biology.

I have been Step Dad to my SS-21 since before he turned 2yo. My bride and I have no joint spawn and SS is an only child in our home. He is the eldest of 4 out of wedlock spawn by his Sperm Idiot with 3 baby mamas.

I am on marriage #2 and ours is my brides first. Fortunately I did not spawn with my adulterous whore of an XW.

Like you and your DH my bride and I come from long term intact marriages. My parents have been married for 52 and my ILs have been married for 38 years. Though my wife was raised by her BM and her step father she did not have the blended family drama that many experience. Her bio dad was killed in a car accident when my MIL was 2mos pregnant with my bride. My FIL and MIL married 2mos after my bride was born. They had very little of the blended family drama and for the most part neither my bride nor I had any blended family experience before we started this whole grand experiment nearly 20 years ago.

Welcome again and good luck.

Sincerely,

Welcome and enjoy!!