Need to vent
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So I actually really like my MIL but ever since SS5 came to live with us she only talks to me to check in on him ... I get it if she doesn’t ask how’s my daughter doing as she has no biological connection to her whatsoever but she has another grandkid who is only 4 months old and it breaks my heart that she only seems to care about the eldest one. I get that he’s the one in a complicated situation given that he doesn’t want to live with us and feels about as much desire to be here as I do of having him around but still my son is just a baby and I would expect his grandma to care a little more about him. Am I overreacting on this one? Are my breastfeeding hormones making a big deal about nothing?
I'd say this is common
I'd say this is common amongst in laws where their grandchildren are in "broken homes". The grandparents carry the torch of guilt parenting almost as much as the actual parents sometimes! This is something my own MIL is guilty of, and she took it upon herself to ensure that my SK was as checked in on and well adjusted as possible despite both bio-parents being extremely active in the SK's life and adjustment period. DH saw it for what it was and reassured his mom that SK was FINE and to back off the worry.
When our baby was born, MIL did have a hard time coming around to new baby and doting as much as she was used to with SK, but in time it has gotten better and shes now just as smitten with one as the other. At least it's consistent now I guess? Can your DH not tell his mom to chill a little?
Yes, this! My mother in law
Yes, this! My mother in law actually carries more guilt than my DH (who is a total guilty daddy). She actually has said to me on several occassions that she is the only stability in skids lives. That it total BS and so far from the truth. She is always calling my DH in a panic or asking me if skids are okay.....it's all sorts of mental illness in my opinion.
anyway DH and I have a 1.5 year old....things are fine and normal now for the most part but early on MIL had a hard time doting on baby in fear skids would get jealous (they are pre teen and teens so it's even weirder). The real problem is that grandparents somtimes insert themsleves as a "third parent' and many times they just need to step back and let the parents handle the situation without getting involved.
I know my MIL tended to
I know my MIL tended to lament over her grandkids because their parents weren't together.. always "poor Ken, Poor Mary".. etc..
I think it's a bit of a combination of worry over the skid adjusting... the one she views as "in crisis" and the fact that mostly young babies are just not all that "interesting" to many adults.
My inlaws often justified or excused skids behaviour
As “poor them they are cod” like it was a free pass to behave the way they do, to excuse it and they tip toed around them instead of addressing things which says to me they expect me to tolerate and eat shit.
Ummmm no not gonna happen especially when inlaws are not living day in day out with skids
No, I don't think you are
No, I don't think you are overreacting. Unfortunately, I think this is very normal. My MIL has completely alienated her own son over his daughters. She is actually working with BM to ruin my DH's life. DH and I have a little one together and one on the way. She has told him that she doesn't have the energy for more grandkids and doesn't count these as her grandchildren. My DH cut her off and has nothing to do with her. I will never understand this whole phenomenon.
OMG wow!! That is insane.
OMG wow!! That is insane.
I'm thankful that didn't happen with my DH and MIL, but in the begning I thought it might happen.....also with DH's dad and step MIL. Everyone turned against DH and worshiped BM......his own family was going behind his back for the sake and fear of BM.
I'm so glad those days seem to be behind us.
I have said nearly countless
I have said nearly countless times that I won the parent lottery. My mom and dad accepted my bride fully before we married and my SS has always been their eldest though not their first grandchild. My niece was born 5mos before DW and I married though my parents had met my bride and my SS before my niece was born.
I speak to my parents nearly daily and they call to check on my bride several times per week. They never fail to ask about their grandson.
My dad and my son have a unique connection in our family. They have both served our country. My dad is a Marine and my son is serving in the USAF. My mom and my son also have a unique connection. He is her eldest and was a big help with the younger three during GSpawn weekends with gramma.
My brother, SIL, niece and nephews also have a close relationship with my son. No one in my family has ever considered him anything less than family.
By their behavior my son's SpermIdiot and the SpermClan have never considered him anything but less than family. He was the outlier from their ability manipulate and control, he was not held to their low standard of personal performance, he was not indocrinated into their multi genarational gene pool of failure. It is heartbreaking that they did not embrace him and up their own game to match that of my son. He is a man of character and standing in his profession and community. They are far from that in any element of their lives.