I’ve had to deal with a super duper hyper kid! It has been an overwhelming experience and I’m going crazy. Ugh! There…I said it. I’m guilty of joining this site to feel better reading some of your stories and realizing…damn, I don’t have it so bad. This high felt good for a while but a year has gone by since I’ve joined and I’m still feeling that funky feeling of being a stepmom. I have the responsibility of dealing with a child that I’m not sure I want half the time. I’m at the point where I’m feeling like the traditional “wicked stepmother” from a fairytale. It’s a yucky feeling that consumes me more than anything. Being a stepmom has been the biggest challenge of my life. *sigh* It has aged me dramatically. I have no kids of my own. After what I’ve been experiencing, I have no desire for any either. My SS is 4 kids wrapped in one!

My partner and I have been together for 5 years. She has an 8 year old son who was diagnosed two years ago as having ADHD. I suspected something was up with him since the age of 3 when I first entered his life. I voiced my concern for him at the time but his BM (my partner) brushed it off. Two years later he starts kindergarten, his teacher voiced concern, still BM brushed it off….worried but was not proactive. Than came his first grade, same thing…new teacher voiced concern, this time BM was worried, she blamed herself and took SS to the doctor. That’s when he was diagnosed. BM refused medication for him and instead started therapy with him. She took him to the first few sessions and than basically bailed out and never took him back. Then he entered his second grade. AGAIN, his teacher (3rd one so far) voiced concern about SS. At this point, BM could not be in denial anymore but she still took her time in doing something about it. The whole school year went by before she did anything about it. (I know, I know…the point is that she’s doing something about it now. I guess I’m just stuck on the fact that 3 years have been wasted.) She is finally taking SS to have analysis’ done to get him on the right track for grade 3. The first session was today. *keeping fingers crossed that she continues these sessions*

Why I'm writing? I don't know. I'm feeling so fried that I can't even get excited that my SS is getting the help he needs. I am at the border of liking and disliking him and it's not really his fault. I'm fed up. I feel so guilty about how I'm feeling...for even writing about it. *shrug* All I wanted to be was a good SM but he's not easy. After 5 years, I've given up on the idea that he and I can ever have a bond. I love him because I know I'm suppose to, but there's no warmth there. That has always eaten me up. I know he loves me. There's no issue there. I just can't cope with how he is...his hyper behavior...his way of thinking...his impulsiveness. I know this is from his condition. I try my best to correct him but it doesn't help if I'm the only one in the house doing it. His BM is not consistent with him. Neither is his BD. They don't seem to have the patience to deal with him and this is that he's their flesh and blood! BD is only around him every other weekend so it's all about "FUN" when he's with him. BM comes home tired from work and doesn't have the energy for him. I think to myself...why did you guys have a kid??? Can you all picture the monster this kid is capable of growing up to be with the dysfunctions going on around him? BM has not been diagnosed with also having ADHD but I can bet my life on it that she does. She shows signs of it, and her mom as well (my MIL), who happens to live with us. It’s a mind twister and it tries my patience time and time again. Do you feel my anguish???