OMG...... It’s not just me!

OMG.... I felt so alone and needed someone to talk to about my SD controlling and manipulative behavior. I’ve sacrificed my feelings for years just to have peace in the household. But I simply can’t take it anymore and I feel ready to walk away from 20 years of marriage. My DH kept telling me when she gets older and is from under her mother’s influence she will be a better person. But nothing has changed. She excludes me at all cost. When she visits or on family trips with us; I feel like I’m the other woman. She occupies all of his time and they make plans to do things together and I’m never considered. I know she’s the one being manipulative but he falls for it every single time. He pretends he doesn’t see it until recently he admitted that she does do the things I’ve tried to make him see for so many years. I had given up and I was feeling very low until I came across this site. OMG, I’m not in this alone and more importantly; I’m not crazy and imagining the underhanded stabs she takes at me.

But my question is how long does one tolerate this? I love my DH but I can no longer sacrifice my well being, my happiness because my DH refuses to set boundaries. He’s so afraid she will cut him out of her life that he’s willing to allow me to be unhappy and depressed in our marriage. I’ve gotten to the point where I must disengage in his and her life to find peace in mine.

Please share your thoughts as I need a voice from those who walks in my shoes.

Grown SD manipulative ways

Mocha's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

He should be worried that you

He should be worried that you are going to cut him out of your life. If that doesn’t matter to him well then you don’t have a marriage.

She has to be at least 20

She is who she is at this point. Why the need to take her on vacations? Your marriage sounds a little crowded. Another mini-wife.

She is who she is.....

Absolutely!!! But I initially thought she would be different when she got older and out of her mother’s home and her influence.

Thanks for reminding me!

Never sacrifice your

Never sacrifice your happiness and well being for another person. That’s how long you should tolerate it. Sure, we compromise and make sacrifices for the happiness and well being of our spouse. Sound like you have been doing that but he hasn’t. That’s not what a loving partner does.

Can you eliminate the SD from your life? Don’t be around her, don’t talk about her, don’t have her in your home. And for goodness sake no vacations with her. Your DH can have whatever relationship he wants with her as long as he’s not dragging you into it.

Time to set YOUR boundaries. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? Your DH isn’t.

Never sacrifice

@Merry..... I’ve done it for do many years. And now I think because I’m just fed up that I realized that I’m not sacrificing anymore. I’m learning through this site about disengagement. And I will be setting boundaries. My DH wants a family vacation every year. He’s a big kid. But it always seems like I’m on the vacation to take care of everyone else; preparing meals; making plans for activities etc. They just say what they want to do and I make it happen. No more!

Thanks for your advice

Oh honey, you are so not

Oh honey, you are so not alone. For the past eight years I have been very supportive of my DH and his ss12 whom I have a good relationship with. Recently, we have been going through changes in our family, and I feel that ss’s well being has been put before our other kids. I had one final straw when DH agreed to do something that would totally disrupt our weekly schedule but BM cried and moaned and got her way. I told DH that he needs to put us first and he needs to think about the family as a unit and not just about ss because he has guilt. I did give an ultimatum but that was because I was done with being put on the back burner and you know so far DH has agreed with me. You have to compromise when it is fair to but you also have to stand by your convictions. If DH is going to allow sd to control your marriage then it’s time to have a serious conversation. Another thing your sd is old enough for you to talk to l. Maybe you guys could sit down with a family therapist or something.

It’s not just me.....

SD is 26 yo. And I’ve tried to have a conversation with her. At the time she listened and was very receptive. However, afterwards, my DH received a call from BM and she let him have it!!!! She called him and me all sorts of names. She made it very clear that I’m never to speak with her daughter about anything. And my DH simply sat there and listened while she ranted. So Now I only speak and be cordial.

He’s willing to allow me to

He’s willing to allow me to be unhappy and depressed in our marriage.

No one is worth sacrificing your happiness over....NO ONE! If he's not capable of setting up boundaries than you should and you have every right to protect yoru space, peace & sanity. Your H is sacrificing you for his daughters happiness which shows where he places your marriage. This is no way to live and you have take a stand on this or your entire marriage will continue to be unhappy and stressed.

He’s willing to allow me to be unhappy

@siemprematahari..... This is why I guess I looked online for answers and found this site. I can tell my truth and you all understand what I’m experiencing. I’ve spent years of trying to have peace and I realize I’ve allowed DH to get away with so many things as it pertains to SD.. when is enough enough! It felt as if SD and BM was in my marriage for so many years. No more. I don’t want to be in a marriage with SD and BM. I’m going to voice my opinion and let’s the chips fall where they may. But I have to say hearing myself and actually reading it for myself I feel somewhat stupid for being this person. I should have stood up along time ago.

You are here

OMG...... It’s not just me!

Comments