jealous of stepson
Hi all. Im new to this forum. Sorry in advance for my bad english.I guess im looking for some support or people who experience the same feeling. To make a long story short,im a guy and i fell in love with a bisexual guy. We have been dating for about 9 months. From the start he had been saying that hes not the romantic guy. He certainly wont do kissing and hugging in public. Which is totally fine,cause i dont like it either. When were at home,i barely get a hug or a kiss. Wich is fine i guess,bothers me sometimes but i love him. But after a few weeks i got introduced to his 10 year old son. He loves and adores him. He comes every weekend.Me and his son clicked,was really happy about it. My boyfriend then asked me to break the long distance and move in with him. He said that his sons approval was the big thing in were this relation was going. But the thing that bothers me,is that when the son is around,i dont exist anymore. He is constantly hugging and kissing him. When we go out for something,he always hold his hand and i walk behind them.Or at night when we watch a movie,the son is sitting in between us. In a few seconds theire cuddling and i just sit theire.Is it childish of me to be jealous? any ideas how i should deal with i? while typing this,im alone again. Hes on his way to a birthay party with his son. He doesnt care that hes bi,all his friends and family know. But again,hes embarassed that his son friends will know,now im sitting here alone. Im supposed to move in,in 2 weeks. But now im not sure anymore. I love them both a lot. Am i just being silly?
No, you aren't being silly.
No, you aren't being silly. Keep reading on these boards and you will see a lot of people in the same situation.
Your BF needs to treat you as his partner, whether his son is there or not. Yes, more of his time might go to caring for his son when he's there, but you should not become invisible or second best to his son.
As for his son's friends finding out he's with a same sex partner, I do think that takes a little more consideration given the stigma still attached to homosexuality and how that might affect his son. But you two should discuss THAT, too - ie, when will I be introduced as your partner?
I would address these issues before you move in.
No, you aren't being silly.
No, you aren't being silly. Showing affection to each other is an extremely important part of a healthy relationship for most people. He refuses to give you what you need while you watch him save all his hugs and kisses for someone else. That would crush my heart.
Don't move in with him until you've sorted this out. Don't move in with him unless he decides he's "all in". What? Is he going to make you hide in a closet if his son has friends over?
Time for a good long talk and if your fears and hurts aren't resolved afterward, please find someone would will be proud to introduce you to others and who will hold you when you need it.
thank you for this advice
thank you for this advice
If you are seeing this upon
If you are seeing this upon just being around the kid, that is a good sign your future will be a lot worse. You would be wise to seek peace away from this familial sickness, it does not improve as the kid ages and your resentment will increase. You are not being jealous by not wanting to be excluded. This is not going to improve over time or words.
what to do
So most of you are saying that i should give up on him? Not worth having a chat if i love them both? I want things to change,but i also dont wanna make him angry and look like the jealous type
Move to his area, but don't
Move to his area, but don't move in with him, not yet. Have a discussion about your concerns and see how he responds. If he gives you the standard, "You hate my kid", "you are just jealous of my kid", "my kid will always come first, get used to it," then strongly consider ending it.
If he says, "Yes, I see how that might be hard for you, let's talk more about how we are going to handle this," then give him a chance to prove he cares about your feelings.
thank you
I will tonight. Ill do my best to bring it in a normal way,i will try not go defensive about it
The adult relationship
The adult relationship always should be the unchallenged priority for the equity life partners in the relationship. Kids never take priority over that relationship or the partners in the relationship.
Kids are the top relationship responsibility regardless of kid biology but never supersede the relationship as priority.
If your partner acts in any other way he is not your equity partner in the relationship.
Take care of you.
update
So i did move in with him after a long chat.. Boyfriend is giving me more attention during the week. But im still jealous of SS. Hes already 10,but acting like a 5 year old. Always needs to sit next to daddy,hold his hand in the sofa. Drives me crazy that he wants to join us the whole weekend.But im soft, SS told me he loved me for the first time.,he hugs me too sometimes.Guess i just have to suck it up that he will be here every friday till sunday. Hope it will go better when he gets older. I just dont understand how a 10 year old wants to sit every moment with his 2 fathers rather then playing his videogames wich he does during the week with his bio mum and other stepdad.