Maybe this is the case!? Men do send confusing signals when they are mad, depressed, or don't know how to make everyone happy. Can you talk to him Rozylady, without him getting defensive? My DH, while we were in the thick of all his chaos, would get so mean and defensive- it took alot of BIG blow ups for us to get to a healthy point. I resent the 3 years spent fighting about our home life, but I really don't think we would have gotten to this point without all those blow ups. I gave enough time for all the chaos to completely ruin our life, and that is when the chaos was boiling over. We got into a stupid argument on a weekend away with the kids(mine and his-all teens), when we got home, he and his son went to a hotel for a week. That actually, as much as it hurt, gave me time for clarity, and when he wanted to come home, I had specific boundaries- he aggreed and life is finally settling down. He now sees how assanine he was expecting me to live his drama filled chaotic trash life. He has been a great man since, of course we still get sideways, over normal things, stuff we get over easy.
I said all of that to say this: If you think ya'll have a chance, be all in. If not, get the hell out. If you two have chemistry and you know he WANTS to be with you and does LOVE YOU, then you set boundaries that you can live with to be safe and peaceful in your home. If not, and there is not much to the relationship, GET OUT.