How to handle this...
To cut a long story short, my b/f of the last 18 months has twin daughters (15) and a son (9). I get on fine with his son, but daughters refuse to meet me. We don't live together.
The Christmas holiday has been a trying time for me. We spent Xmas Eve/Morning together and then spent the rest of the day and Boxing Day with our families and it was lovely. He spent Boxing Day with all his kids, everything went to plan.
Wednesday was his birthday, I'd arranged to cook dinner for him. The girls call and all the plans are dropped because he wants to see them. OK, I try to stay calm, despite being hurt, but its his birthday. One of the girls comes to stay, and he spends the evening sat upstairs separate from her, texting me!
So we have the dinner on Thursday, and we arrange to see each other today and tomorrow, as we haven't spent a weekend together since the beginning of November.
Last night I get a text saying, sorry can't do the weekend now the girls want to come over. This turned into an argument, I ask him to speak to them about meeting me, or explain that we had plans, but he has refused and just comes out with rubbish about finishing the whole thing, because they come first.
He is actually asking the girls to see him and stay, they are treating him like a complete doormat and he lets them. He's so scared of losing them, and ridden with guilt, that he won't disagree with anything. Its pathetic, seeing the exchange of messages between them, him asking them over and they are too busy. And I'm on the receiving end of this rubbish.
I've told him that he is being pathetic and losing the best thing he's had because he won't stand up to them. Obviously no answer to that. I reached the stage today when I nearly just went to his house and introduced myself to these girls, but I fear that would be the end and they would have the satisfaction of seeing it.
Instead I've said we will just have a break this week, and meet next Sunday to have a sensible talk. I've suggested counselling, but he doesn't think he needs it. I will still go on my own. But really, what can I do?!
I agree with So Very Tired.
I agree with So Very Tired. He has let you know where you stand in his life.
That is the thing. Some of us
That is the thing. Some of us have so many "roles" to play that we don't know what is up or down after awhile.
Some of us never even get weekend time after working either.
Do they ever get over the
Do they ever get over the guilt?
In the summer he stood up to them, put me first, but his Dad died in September and he's been getting worse and worse since then.
I've decided this week, no contact. Unfortunately we both work in the same place, but any contact then will be purely professional and friendly.
My parents divorced when I was 13/14, and I knew the boundaries. One weekend I kicked up a stink saying I wanted to see my Dad, and I had to go and join in what he had already organised with his wife. I didn't like it, but I had to accept it. Why can't my b/f make this boundaries?
Thank you Ilovearizona, your
Thank you Ilovearizona, your words have helped me. I told him this morning that he looks pathetic and is a doormat to his kids, which was obviously met with an angry response, I was being "spiteful".
How long did it take for your SO to realize his problem? My only thought now is no contact and that he will miss me.