Do I give a present?
Hi
My b/f (of 18 months) has 3 children, twin daughters aged 15 and a son aged 9. I have a good relationship with his son, we get on well when we see each other. His daughters have refused to meet me.
I brought his son a birthday present in October and he loved it. I've brought him a Christmas present, but my b/f is spending Boxing Day with all 3 children (and not me because of the girls). My dilemma is whether I give his son the present?
Part of me thinks I should pass on the present via my b/f, as I have a relationship with his son, so why not? But on the flip side I don't want to cause any awkwardness with the girls on his special day with them. I don't feel I've made this situation because I've always said I'd be happy to meet them.
Its unlikely I will see him and his son alone over the holiday because the girls will want to see their Dad too.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
Thanks
Some Motherly advice for you,
Some Motherly advice for you, my dear. If I were you I would get the hell out of this relationship now because it gets worse, not better.
The daughters will always resent you because they see you as a threat to their family. Especially twins who will reinforce each other to be cruel to you. Things get really dicey because he will feel guilty for leaving the family and they will want him to compensate them forever for this break up by making him give them presents and take them out for dinner etc. the list goes on and on. They will always be in your relationship causing stress for you!
I would donate the toy to charity and run, don't walk outta there.
If I had it to do all over again, I would not marry a man with children. It just brings so many problems for you down the road. I have been married to a wonderful man 10 years who has two grown skids (37/35)and they suck.
They never give anybody anything and have held their dad hostage for the divorce for all these years,
I just got off the phone with my hubby and his alcoholic son who has refused to speak with him for months doesn't want to see him for dinner tonight unless he brings his new "punch of the month" with him! And of course he expects Dad to pay for this. Dad had wanted to have a personal chat with his son at this time of year to repair their relationship, but the son only wants to have his Dad pay for their dinner. Yuck!
Good luck Sistah if you stay in this one, but the odds are stacked against you that your life will be filled with their drama and BS
forever!
I don't understand why they
I don't understand why they haven't met you? If they are refusing then I would run. B/c daddy is letting them get away with it.
"His daughters have refused
"His daughters have refused to meet me".
Huge red flag.
How I interpret this sentence is:
"BF has indulged the perceived concerns of his twin 15 y/o daughters and not encouraged them to meet me the past 18 months. And in order to not further upset them, because BF is a guilty dad, BF is not going to reveal to them how important I am to him, by words or actions".
How long is your BF going to go along with this? Better yet, how much self respect to YOU have to allow your BF to show you how little you mean to him?
I would spend some time re-evaluating what level of priority you think you are in your BF's life. You've been dating him for a year and a half and he has allowed his 15 y/o twin girls to not make an effort to meet you.
You obviously care and love this man. THAT is clear. You've made an effort. You obviously have put some thought into a gift that his son9 would want. You obviously love him because you have agreed to not see him over the Christmas Holiday: "Its unlikely I will see him and his son alone over the holiday because the girls will want to see their Dad too.".
OR, you're just dating him super casually and also seeing other people. Man, I hope this is the case.
Don't make this man a priority in your life when he won't make you his.
You seem like a really nice person, obviously you care about him enough to come on this site and get advice.
Your blog just made me sad.
If you are exchanging gifts
If you are exchanging gifts with BF, I would certainly get the son a gift. I would not worry about the two 15 year old snakes. You won't be seeing them anyway.
then I'd get the hell away from that guy. You have too much time invested in him already for this kind of bullshit. He's had all that time to get his daughters under control and he hasn't.
Not good for you!
They are showing you already
They are showing you already what you are in store for with them, and they haven't even met you yet.
These girls will cause you misery because they are going to be bitches to you. It doesn't matter how nice you are, how kind, giving or loving, you will be treated like shit for the rest of the relationship. That is the honest truth. It will never change. Sorry for the bad news. We've lived through enough hell to know when to run. Run Darlin!
I still say nothing for the
I still say nothing for the girls. You can't be there because of them, so no gift. You have no relationship with them, but you do with the son and he sounds like a good kid who will appreciate something from you. You're never going to win those girls over anyway unless BF does something about it and it sounds too late for any major change there.