His family loves his ex and it kills me!!!
I know I should have thicker skin, I know I shouldn't let it bother me, I know all the rational things that are right BUT I loose all my rationality when it comes to his ex and his family! I have been with my DH for 4 years and married for 2 months. My DH has a 5 yr. and was never married to his ex but they were together for 6 years. That being said, all of his family has bad mouthed his ex to my face but continues to kiss her ass and stabs me in the back. For example, his sister-in-law mailed her pictures of my DH's nephew and never mailed them to us. The ex knows about family things before my DH and I. I know it shouldn't bother me but I just don't understand. I try to connect and bond with his family but I constantly get disrespected and stabbed in the back. Seriously, how much longer should I turn the other cheek??
Anyone else feel experienced this???
No thank God....
My in-laws HATE DH's ex, I don't know what I'd do if they liked much less loved her. I'm sorry for what you are going through, what does DH say about it? Does he support you and could he possibly talk to his family?
He does support me but often
He does support me but often feels caught in the middle. His family is not rational at all. They feel that SS life is forver damned because he will never have a "normal" family b/c he is from a "broken" home. I just don't understand it - I have never waltzed in and tried to take BM place. I respect the place she holds in SS life but can't figure out why everyone loves her so much. I am nice to them and try to do nice, thoughtful things for the family. I am getting worn and don't feel like being the better one anymore.... It's taking too much of a toll on my emotions!
WOW.. I have had to deal
WOW.. I have had to deal with this problem myself. Try this one on. When I met my husband, his ex and son were living here.. AGAIN.. She couldn't support herself after she blew thru the divorce settlement and had lived with another man for a year. The other man wised up and moved on, but she had nothing. Did I mention she doesn't work. What she calls work is cleans for people, by people I mean my husbands family. Anyways, I met my hubby and told him it was going to go NO WHERE with her here. She left but moved in with his grandmother. The upper area of his grandmothers house is a type of apartment setting. But she still has to interact with the family to do laundry and ofcouse to clean. Well five years went on, I delt with it while never feeling comfortable at family functions that were at the grandmas house. Finally she got remarried and guess what.. THEY ALL LIVE THERE.. Really? Does this husband who left his family for this woman not have a set? Ok, so he obvously doesn't and she runs the show. But now, my husband told her to get our back in april. Well instead of a house they bought a new truck and just told us they like it there and don't plan on moving. Even though we told her our other kids now dont' feel welcome there.. UGHHHHHH.. Someone please take this burden of a wart type infection person she is and disinfect her...
YES!
My MIL would act all nice & sweet to me, but she was really going to the EX & telling her all kinds of crap (lies) and even asked her to come stop our wedding (like she could!)...I couldn't believe it. I told her, if you don't like me fine, but don't act like you do to my face & turn around & say awful things, especially to his ex. She apologized. She was also doing it the other way around...acting like she hated the ex to me & turning around & being nice to her. I let the EX know what was going on & she was shocked and pissed just like I was. So now MIL is nice to both of us & knows she can't get away with talking crap anymore. The EX & I never spoke a word to each other for the 1st 3 years so she was getting away with it. So I'm giving her a 2nd chance, but if she ever does anything like that again...I will have no relationship with her. But luckily for me she lives in a different state! It does annoy me that she gets along with the ex, but she has to in order to see SS (they live in the same town, we are out of state) I don't know what kind of relationship they have...they don't spend holidays or anything like that together, but they may be closer than we are, not sure. I don't worry about it, I try to just disengage from the stuff that bothers me. My husband has told my MIL not to even mention his EX's name in my presence. So that way I don't have to think about it!
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
My MIL is similar but
My MIL is similar but different. My MIL HATES BM but when BM is around she kisses her butt. She acts like she needs to try and be her best friend, but then as soon as BM leaves, she talks all kinds of crap about her. It really bothers me. My MIL loves me. But sometimes it makes me wonder if she does this to me also... you know? I just don't understand why she feels the need to suck up to BM. UGH! I hate it!
Thats exactly how mine was,
Thats exactly how mine was, and I wondered the same thing. And then I found out that she was doing it to me too! Two faced MIL!
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
broken home syndrome
I just read an article about how children are not techincally better or worse when it comes to divorce, it is how situations are handled inside the family that will determine childs behaviour.
if a child is raised with support and boundries and limits then chances are they will come out ok, with or without divorce - so all this bullcrap about ohhh poor junior acts bad cuz he is from a divorced family or oh poor suzie she is a ho' cuz she is from a divorced family.
it is just an excuse for bad or inconsistent parenting.
if I find that article I will attach it.
SBh
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
EXACTLY sarah b
its all in the way kids are raised IMO. sometimes yes, children DO suffer bc of their parents divorce, but if they are raised the way they would be had the marriage stayed in tact, they dont need to have lasting effects from it.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
wow...
I have thought about this in the past... and makes me wonder more now! My MIL and his family love me, and say all kinds of things about the X, we usually try and avoid the topic altogether though. But I noticed that even though they say they dont like her, cant believe the things she did to DH....they still are nice to her face?? I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't expect them to be rude, but keep it cordial and move on. DH's cousin even added her as a friend on her Myspace page, and she is one of the one's that talks the most about her!
I let it bother me on occassion, but really, as long as your "immediate" family is happy, then who cares? You can't pick family, yours or his.. but you can pick who you choose to be around, and those that affect your life.
I know his cousins have
I know his cousins have added her as a friend on their myspace and they comment to her about how much the family misses her! Can you believe that?? It is truly a joke b/c they bad mouth her all the time. I can say that I haven't once given into his family members when they talk bad about her. I normally just try to change the subject and move on.
I have tried to be nice and it gets me no where - his family is truly so simple minded they don't see nor care that they are hurting me and in the longer run their grandson. It truly is sad.....
Yes, I deal with this too!
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
Oh you want to hear how my FH's family LOVES BM????
They were never married and broke up 16 YEARS AGO before SD15 was even born. But BM acts like she is their DIL. When SD was about 7 my FH moved out of state for a job (and has since continued that practice)and he went back every mth to see his kid. Well good ole BM started going to the same church as his family and sucked up to all of them so well that she is INCLUDED IN EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO! YES you read that right EVERYTHING. B/day parties, graduations, dinners after church, Thanksgiving, Xmas, etc. You name it she is there! MY FH hates this woman's guts and she has manipulated and controlled him for years until I came in to the picture(im sure some of you have read my posts). So he would try to go to his family for xmas or whatever and ask that the BM not be invited because he would just want to be with them and his kid and HIS OWN MOTHER WOULD TELL HIM well I have already invited her and she has helped me with a lot of things and she is SDs mother! WTF! So now he just does not go to family events at all because she is there. He has had to endure 2 xmas' with the BM there so he could see his kid but would only stay for an hour, eat and leave. He would try to talk to his sister and 3 brothers that it was ridiculous that BM was there and why should he have to put up with it and they told him he should just try to get along for the sake of SD! Another WTF! This woman has NEVER had another b/f since they broke up 16 YEARS AGO. She is an absolute freak and his FAMILY thinks she is mother of the year. If you want to make sure this doesn't happen to you you better have a talk with you DH and let him know that he needs to set boundaries NOW.