Heroic stepdads (vs. evil stepmothers) once again!
(I can't seem to successfully post the link on here, but if you go to YouTube and look up Publix grocery stores, you can watch the 1 minute commercial "Celebrate milestones with Publix" ... look for the one with the bride hugging a man, which was posted two weeks ago.)
For those of you who have not seen this commerical, it is definitely a heart-tugger. It initially shows a young girl being polite but distant to her new "stepfather" as she refers to him as "Chris." Gradually, we see them throughout stages of her life as he helps her with cooking, her studies, college graduation, meeting her fiance, etc. In each scenario, she refers to him as Chris. Then, just like in a fairy tale, on her wedding day when he comes into the room and tells her she's beautiful, she tearfully looks at him and says, "Thanks ... Dad."
My first objection to this commerical is that it does NOTHING to help dispel the evil stepMOTHER bigotry which has been, and continues to be, so pervasive. Once again, it is the heroic stepfather who wins the day. I guess Publix did not have the nerve (or their marketing agency didn't have the guts/knowledge) to use a stepMOTHER in such a scenario and decided to take the easy path with the long-suffering but silent stepdad. They clearly didn't want to stir up the anti-stepmother bigots since many of them tend to be women/mothers who also tend to be the ones buying groceries.
I guess my only point here is that even now, in 2023, stepmothers are STILL a group of people who will never be shown to have any positive impact (directly and indirectly) on so many children's lives.
As I've always said here on STalk, the maternal bond with children is the strongest there is despite the qualities of the mother. In the vast majority of cases, stepmothers will not ever be considered a positive by society at large. Yet stepfathers have glimmers of heroics, like this commercial shows - simply because they are not considered "competition" for mothers.
How sad it is that this form of bias and bigotry against stepmothers cannot seem to be eradicated.
P.S. If you could write a stepMOTHER commercial, describe it..
In mine, it would be something like this:
Scenes of woman helping kids with homework, attending kids recitals/sports events and cheering them on, sitting at table being supportive while "dad" talks out his fears and frustrations, woman writing checks to cover extras for kids and other household expenses, woman declining girls-trips with friends for her vacation and instead goes with dad and kids to theme park, and then ... commercial closes with the evil stepmother having "mom" coldly close door in her face when she brings kids forgotten teddy bear home late at night.
I'll bet Publix wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole.
I love that commercial I
I love that commercial I would watch it and I would gleefully cackle at all the BM comments:
"What a trope, trying to make the SM look like she's a "mother".
"Can't believe Publix is pandering to the second wife and acting like she's somehow a better mother than the "real mom".
"I thought Publix was family oriented, guess they aren't"
And on it would go.
Women often define their
Women often define their lives by two things.. their looks.. and their children. Men tend to define themselves from the POV of what they "do" for a living... the provider.
There is also an "anti father" undercurrent in that commercial.. where the bio father is seen as the one abandoning the family.. leaving the poor "single mom" to make it on her own.. or with the help of that selfless stepfather.
I also think that the natural "aversion" to being asked to spend time and accept another person's children falls more heavilly on a stepmother.. who is often pushed into this automatic maternal role by everyone.. their new spouse.. the family.. while simultaneously being viewed as some competition and threat to the BM.. who feels they have uber ownership over the children involved.. and pushes that narrative on kids through PAS.
No one questions that SP
Have positive effects on there SK. No one's question that SP do for there SK. Most of the time more then they should get. The reason for this board is the SP gets the short end of the stick. Like let's count the ways. ....
From there SO can't fully stop loving the ex . They are not ready for a new relationship. The SK are not ready for, ( is anyone ready for ) a every other. Week,..weekend,, month. 344322113 day schedule
That the ex can't see there ex your SO actually have a life without them. They cheat on your SO but he should still kiss there ass. They know best on child care..
That the new SP has the life against them . But no one see it. Not many,,... as unless you are a SP no one understands. Intact familys think it's the right way.
They don't understand,, once you divorce....things work differently.. you can't have a new relationship..and have the kids come first... kids coming first in a bio relationship is ok .. But not in a new relationship. The new partner...if you want to keep them as the new partner... must come first. That being ready for a new relationship. Stop talking with the ex.
My commercial would start off
My commercial would start off with an alarm clock blaring and a woman being woken up. Then a series of scenes from stepmotherhood: kids threatening CPS for being asked to do chores, crazy BM showing up at the door screaming and demanding money, a Disney Daddy burying his head in the sand, the stepmom cleaning up nasty messes, a letter from the court awarding BM more child support followed by Disney Dad overspending, the in-laws showing up with a giant portrait of the 1st family as a gift etc etc...
Then at the end of the commercial, the SM would completely snap and tell them all in specific detail to go to hell. The final scene would show her peeling out of the driveway, tires squealing, luggage packed on the roof, dirt flying... and the words "Stepmoms... if you've still got one, thank her" (or something like that, I'm sure there's better wording)
LOVE IT!
LOVE IT!
I'm laughing
Good one!
Very relatable, but of course
Very relatable, but of course, most people would probably think, "wow, she's aggressive. I can't believe she reacted so strongly."
Brilliant!!
Though sadly true far too often.
Except for the leaving part. For some reason, far too many SM's tolerate the shallow and polluted gene pool they marry into for far too long.
Commercially Evil SM
Yeah those family-oriented commercials. One must first think about who the target audience is. Groceries are typically purchased by women. And the "new model" of family, with several years of 50% divorce (US) has created a situation where the "single mom" seems like the norm. Of course if there is 50/50, or 60/40 are they still considered "single mom" in the way it is currently thought of. As in parenting all by themselves.
Enter the fantasy of the single mom = a nice guy who not only loves HER, but loves her CHILD, and who does everything a father does, battling it out to get to the point of being called "dad", considered by the SD and "sinlge mom" to be the epitome of the "perfect divorced parents fantasy".
The marketing is brilliant. Its pure fantasy, meant to appeal to the "single mom". Of course it ALSO covers the SM who has her own kids to bring in there!
Nowadays, every woman in my general area is either spouting all this junk about "fighting the societal patriarchy" or backstabbing their fellow woman by trying to pounce their man or simple, low-down gossip and relational aggression.
Women (Not STalk) in my town, they do not uphold their fellow woman, unless its reflected glory "look how great I am".
So not only are SM's without children battling the whole Bio Madre Cadre, they are reviled as non-producers by pretty much all producers (of children).
Sorry, but Im in a bad mood today.
Bad mood or not, you aren't wrong.
The Bio Madre Cadre seems to be a multigenrational cabal including BMs, their own parents, ILs, SKids, courts, etc....
StepDads do not have nearly the anti SM inertia and broad front delusion to overcome.
I am fully aware of my Unicorn StepParent/blended family experience.
Interestingly, my own family has an evil SM element to it. My GM was raised by her father and a SM. My GrandMother and her 8sibs did not care much for their SM. No mention of her in any family discussions, etc.... Her father was burried by her BM. I have no idea who my SGGM was.
I am a fan ladies. I appreciate what you all deal with. Though from personal experience, have no idea of the intensity of what you deal with.
I've found it bewildering
I've found it bewildering that a Stepdad who gets involved is bravely and nobley taking on another man's child but a stepmom who gets involved doesn't know her place.
Not just steps, it's gender-based
In intact families, a man who lets his child play on the climbing frames/walls alone is praised for encouraging independence; a woman who does the same is told she's reckless and isn't taking proper care of her child.
IMO, the hero in the commercial... is the mother.
This cannot happen unless the mom firmly sets the structure and fosters the relationship.
Though, as a StepDad, my SKid would never call me by my first name. Ever. Sir, Mr. Lastname, that is it.
My SS did not talk when his mom and I met when he was 15mos old. Not a word. I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy). His choice. We never forced it.
Though when his SpermGrandHag told him he could nto call me Dad since I was not his "real" dad, I told him what he called me was his choice. He could either keep calling me dad, or call me Sir or Mr. Lastname. He chose to keep calling me dad. Since "You are my dad.".
As for demonizing SM's. The socially hallowed position of Mother, causes so much angst, regardless of if the mother is of quality or a POS, that just the thought of a SM being superior to a BM shakes the foundations of society.
Which... I find to be bullshit.
All IMHO of course
Just today on social media someone argued that
Anybody claiming their spouse exwife was horrible and abandoned tortured her kids is lying and only listening to their husbands side as mothers don't ever cut off contact or abandon their kids for no reason, basically implying its the dads fault so he is made to be the baddy time and time again
time and time again ignorance is bliss!! You could have multiple witnesses, independent witnesses, paper trail, text messages and skids themselves saying how evil so and so is and the fact that parent abandoned them and never been with them in years whilst you been the surrogate parent and still some of society believes this is all lies and nonsense
You can fix stupid. But you can bare its ass.
Go full facts, full confrontation, and zero tolerance on stupid.
It usually crawls under a rock. Any time it pokes its nose out, smack it with the facts.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
You can fix stupid. But you can bare its ass.
Go full facts, full confrontation, and zero tolerance on stupid.
It usually crawls under a rock. Any time it pokes its nose out, smack it with the facts.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.