To start with - just a funny aside - all night as I lay awake I had "stick-a-fork's" name and by-line going through my head.... stick a fork in me because I am f*cking done.

Please read - and tell me, am I over reacting or what?

Ok, the background - have been living with OH and 3 of my 4 bd's since January. We also have his 2 ss9 and sd12 every Weds night and EOWE. He also sees his kids every Monday night and Tuesday night, and every Saturday (even on her weekend) for their sporting activities.

Never have complained or had any problem with this - I think it is great that he is so involved with his kids lives. My ex (while a good person and there are no issues etc between us) is not a "hands-on dad" so this was something about my OH that I loved and respected right from the start.

We dated long distance for over a year before I moved states to be with him, I gave up a successful business, have dragged my kids away from their lives and I am isolated and alone - I have made a few friends but have no-one here I am close to. He has a mother, 2 sisters and a brother, all with spouses and children etc, and also has friends whom he has known all his life. I have met none of these people as his ex told them all that we had an affair and I am the reason he left his family. (not true, she is just a spiteful vindictive bitch who TOLD him right up front when she found out he was seeing me that she was going to destroy his life and leave him with nothing) He sees his family and friends without me, because he doesn't want his kids to miss out on their family etc.

His daughter is ok. There are some teething issues, but on the whole we are getting there, no big drama, she is a pretty good kid. His son on the other hand, is an outright entitled little shit. He is spoilt and a brat. He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way and is mean.

The other Sunday (I did post a topic about this when it happened) we had to drop the kids off at BM's after the weekend visit. This was the first time I have been in the car. She was tipped off that I would be there (OH parked on the road NOT right up in the drive) and she came out and went beserk at me. Accused me of all sorts "My kids tell me all about what YOU do to them, scream at them, swear at them, abuse them and treat them bad" yada yada yada. All the usual crap. As it turns out SS has been telling her all this stuff (yes, we know - she pumps him for dirt on me and he has basically fed the beast and given her what she wants) For the record I have yelled at the child once - for repeatedly leaving the toilet door open when he is in there - I asked him nicely about 5 times but he ignores me. So once I yelled. Remember I have two young bd's (6 & 9 - the older one is 20 and has seen a penis before LOL) and I don't need them exposed to this.

OH promised me that he would talk to ss and let him know that this was NOT acceptable, and that he was NOT to tell lies to his mother anymore. (Oh, BM changed access last two weeks, instead of Wed we have had Tues) So, last Tues he picks them up, and has a chat with ss - which goes more like "I know you are upset, and I know you don't like luchay, but she loves you and does all sorts of nice stuff for you, and she cares about you etc." along those lines... UMMMMM hello? where is the telling him what is NOT on??? Then they come home, OH and SS play outside for a while, then OH comes in as it is dark, tells ss it is time to come inside now, ss has a hissy fit and carries on as he wants daddy to keep playing with him. (I was feeling ill - stress as it happens - and asked OH to cook tea that night) ss did not like that OH couldn't be his playmate and got shitty with OH.

Tea - sausages, mash and vegies. I hate sausages, only cook them for ss and they are all he eats. He is privileged and special and gets sausages in bread and then a choc spread sandwich. And the little bastard STILL complains about tea? I didn't get the gist of the complaint,but he has another go at OH about it...

Homework time. My kids are good with it, we were watching the X Factor, and they do their homework in the ads (not a lot or hard, writing spelling words and sentences kind of thing) OH and SS set up at the table and as far as I know are working on ss's homework. dd9 is doing hers on the couch and dd6 is at the coffee table in front of me. We have a bit of fun with it - she has to come up with rhyming words etc, so it's a laugh. At some point ss comes in and joins us. OH goes into the bedroom and is watching TV in there. I think all is well. SS is being nice to everyone, (at this stage I do not know about the hassles already mentioned) he is helping with dd6's words, and all is good.

OH comes in at 8pm and I can tell he is pissed. He tells the skids to get ready to go home, and I snatch a quick word with him. Turns out ss has refused to do his homework and I find that he has been a brat all evening. OH has had it up to here with him. (Before I knew this I had suggested that he tries to get them for a few hours on Friday night and takes them out for tea just the three of them - more on this later)

OH gets home and is upset and pissed off. He sits with me and gets a text from BM about how I have been a bitch to ss again and he never wants to come here again (ok, BIG part of me screams YEEESSSSS!) But I know this is not on. OH is really upset, and tells her that if she stopped telling SS to disrespect and ignore us, and that he doesn't have to eat our food (she cooks for him when he gets home if he complains) - basically that if she stepped up and put aside her anger at him then SS would be doing better. All true. She counters with how it's all OH's fault that ss is messed up because he left them and cares more about his new family now. This is what she tells SS also BTW.

We talk about it, and OH is really angry and acknowledges that his son is a little bastard and things need to change - Hallelujah! (not just yet - gosh I did get my hopes up there though ) He is going to step up as a dad, he is going to follow through and tell ss that his behaviour is NOT ON, etc etc etc. He is going to defend me and make sure ss knows that I am here, this is where we live, he is the child and he WILL come here and be respectful and do what he is told. YAYYYY OH I am thinking. Finally we will see change.

He is refused access to them all week. He sneaks off from work for an hour on Monday and goes to the school at recess - they are all overjoyed to be reunited... gag me.

So, Tuesday comes. I text OH to find out what time they will be home after basketball practice and he tells me "I have decided to spend some alone time with the kids so we will be late"

WTF? So the kid is rude and disrespectful and lies and is an utter little shit, and you are going to teach him that this is not on, and instead you reward him by giving him exactly what he wants? YOU all to himself - away from me and our home? I texted him various versions trying to explain that he was rewarding the bad behaviour by keeping him away which was expressly what the child wanted - to keep daddy away from us.

As I have shown above I am fine with him spending alone time with them, and me with mine, I think it is vital for the kids to still have that, but I think that to do it the VERY FIRST FREAKING TIME AFTER ALL THAT SHIT LAST WEEK WAS TOTALLY AND UTTERLY WRONG. I was so pissed and hurt and angry. OH said that he was just spending time with his kids, it's what "good fathers do" I said NO - good fathers teach their children that their are consequences for their behaviours, and teach them to take responsibility, and that they don't always get what they want. They don't pander to the kids.

I took my kids and we went out for tea. I texted OH and said my girls and I were having some quality time also and would be home at 8:30. He would usually be back by 9pm after dropping them off, he strolls in the door at 10:20... no word on where he has been, not comment just "I'm going to bed"

WHAT? So I asked where he was, at his brothers he was also there Saturday night while I sat home with my kids... bear in mind, I have NO support group here, nowhere to run when I need time out etc. I am isolated - he is all I have here.

Huge fight ensues, where I am apparently trying to stop him seeing his kids (never!) he cannot see that he has rewarded the bad behaviour. HIS son is apparently different from all the other kids in the world who manipulate and learn that behaviours that get rewarded get repeated etc.

OH refuses to see that this involves me, that I am upset my how his son is behaving, OH is blaming the mother and saying he will not punish his son or retain anger from last week - fuck you, it's not retaining anger, it is teaching the child consequences, and it is being consistent. Ok, yes the mother is in part to blame, but the child needs to be taught to own his own actions yes?? OH always makes excuses when either of them misbehave, it's always someone elses fault.

I love him dearly, when the skids are out of the picture it is fabulous. He claimed before I moved that he wanted the same as me, what we were working towards was to be a happy, united couple, parenting these kids all together, teaching them how a functional family works etc etc - all the usual crap I know. We knew it would be hard, but I thought we were on the same side, that we were both working towards the same thing?

He seems to want to have me and my kids here, bring his kids over or spend time with them alone or go visit whomever whenever it suits him without me. He wants to be the one to decide what is and is not acceptable for them to do, I am not to punish his kids (ss9 is also very nasty to my dd9) Basically I feel like I am not respected or really wanted as part of "his" family. I am ok for when they aren't around, but they are the priority and focus.

He offered to go last night, I said if he wanted to stay with me he does not leave and that we go back to counselling (he quit) He agreed to this. So, he stayed but we did not speak again.

But honestly, I think I am done.

Was my rationale about his taking them for alone time with daddy last night wrong? Any other time it would have been fine, no worries, but NOT last night? And then to be spiteful and take off to his brothers knowing I am sitting here upset and alone (to all intents and purposes) I am just so fed up with all of it.

So, what to do. Do I go back from whence I came LOL - my house has been sold, I could build up the business again, but more upheaval for my kids. Do I stay here and keep trying? Do I find my own rental house, I have already this morning looked into starting a small franchise business here that I could do while the girls are at school - independance again - here I come.

I just don't know how I feel. I still love him, my heart breaks at the thought of not growing old with him. Can I take another lifetime of this though?