In my first marriage with skids, I was very involved with my sd's and had an excellent relationship with them. I never tried to be their mother, but rather as somebody that they could come to for advice, even advice on when they felt that their bm was being unfair etc. I never bad mouthed their bm, but would try and make them see why she was acting the way she was with them. Unfortunately my DH from this marriage passed away, but I am still in touch with the sk's.
I am now in my 2nd relationship with sk's and have as little as possible to do with my sd's, aged 32 and 26. They are belligerent, obnoxious and rude and obviously hold me in contempt. I have recently made a rule that they are not welcome in our home when I am home, until such time as they can treat me with respect or talk to me in a civilized, adult manner.
I agree with the other posters. It depends on the stepkids. I am a little distant with these stepkids. You can only be told that it doesn't matter what you think so many times before you get out of the way. Now with my own kid, I am what most would consider a helicopter mom. I don't but, others do. But since he is a straight A honor student and active in a variety of activities, it must be okay. Now SK's have to be forced to do homework and turn it in. Also, no activities for them unless their grades are good. They finally put SS in Karate after my suggestions for the last 5 years to put him in something. He loves it.
I tried to be involved if it was okay with DH. But, too many times of getting told that I am not their parent, they were right, I am not and don't want to be.
This is my first experience with skids (or, "a" skid), and, for now, I will remain distant. That has come to be my preference. I have no interest in really having a relationship with SS6 right now. Maybe if his dad starts being a parent and SS is a little more tolerable, I may change my mind.
That boils down to the general consensus - it depends on the skids.
I've done both. My x-husbands daughter lived with us. I pretty much raised her from the time she was 6 until I left him when she was 18. We got along fine. However, there was always so much drama and I think my own kids got the shitty end of the stick in that relationship.
My current husband has two girls. They both live with their mother. My relationship with them is like a fun aunt. I much prefer this and it has all but negated any stress with his x. I just don't deal with any of them in a substantive way and I am all the more happy for it.
I guess that this all depends
I guess that this all depends on the skids.
In my first marriage with skids, I was very involved with my sd's and had an excellent relationship with them. I never tried to be their mother, but rather as somebody that they could come to for advice, even advice on when they felt that their bm was being unfair etc. I never bad mouthed their bm, but would try and make them see why she was acting the way she was with them. Unfortunately my DH from this marriage passed away, but I am still in touch with the sk's.
I am now in my 2nd relationship with sk's and have as little as possible to do with my sd's, aged 32 and 26. They are belligerent, obnoxious and rude and obviously hold me in contempt. I have recently made a rule that they are not welcome in our home when I am home, until such time as they can treat me with respect or talk to me in a civilized, adult manner.
Hope that this answers your question.
I agree with the other
I agree with the other posters. It depends on the stepkids. I am a little distant with these stepkids. You can only be told that it doesn't matter what you think so many times before you get out of the way. Now with my own kid, I am what most would consider a helicopter mom. I don't but, others do. But since he is a straight A honor student and active in a variety of activities, it must be okay. Now SK's have to be forced to do homework and turn it in. Also, no activities for them unless their grades are good. They finally put SS in Karate after my suggestions for the last 5 years to put him in something. He loves it.
I tried to be involved if it was okay with DH. But, too many times of getting told that I am not their parent, they were right, I am not and don't want to be.
It really depends on the child and the parents.
This is my first experience
This is my first experience with skids (or, "a" skid), and, for now, I will remain distant. That has come to be my preference. I have no interest in really having a relationship with SS6 right now. Maybe if his dad starts being a parent and SS is a little more tolerable, I may change my mind.
That boils down to the general consensus - it depends on the skids.
I've done both. My
I've done both. My x-husbands daughter lived with us. I pretty much raised her from the time she was 6 until I left him when she was 18. We got along fine. However, there was always so much drama and I think my own kids got the shitty end of the stick in that relationship.
My current husband has two girls. They both live with their mother. My relationship with them is like a fun aunt. I much prefer this and it has all but negated any stress with his x. I just don't deal with any of them in a substantive way and I am all the more happy for it.