Hello again everyone! Sorry this is so long - please bear with me. Just had a situation arise with SD13 and wanted to hear what some of one may think and or any advice you can offer.

SD13 on the last day of school gets her 3rd and final offense on the bus; the bus driver puts a call into dad who informs him that his daughter is officially suspended (this will go into effect next year of course) and tells him his side of the story. (BTW guess who gets to chauffer SD13 to school now?? ME)The SD13 basically was being a smart*** and thought it would be cute to disobey the bus drivers orders to be quiet ( they were approaching a RR crossing) and then I guess threw an object. My SO is a very typical father and usually points the finger at whoever he can to allow his children to remain angels in his eyes; I should say he has done this in the past and we are working on changing this as it is very damaging to his children and allows them to accept no responsibility for their actions. Luckily - he has respected most of my advice thus far and we are making progress. Anyway - to my point - so after discussing with me what our plan of action was - my SO texts SD13 at school and informs her she is grounded for 2 weeks and the friend that supposed to stay over that night will not be staying over. Also she had a party to go to the following night and he said she would not be going to that either. SD13 threw a fit - sent her dad a nasty email that he had ruined her whole summer now and blah blah blah. During our intial discussion SO and I acknowledged that the BM would more than likely step in and be the hero for sd13 instead of holding her accountable for her actions and teaching her a valuable lesson - she would take her to the party she was not supposed to go to. And of course, even though BM was not supposed to pick up sd14 until Saturday (the party was Friday night) she sent my SO a message informing him she would be picking up sd13 ONLY (not ss10) on friday and she would get ss10 after his baseball game on Saturday. sd13 hid in her room all day and when I went upstairs I could smell perfume and music playing and knew she was getting ready for the party. I was like whatever figures....The clincher is - after a while I went up and knocked on her door to tell her dinner was ready (knowing she wouldn't eat anyway) - and she was gone!! She had gotten ready for the party and knowing our rules (i.e. she was grounded and not supposed to go the party) - she had dashed out the door before could see her and her and BM made a fast getaway. Noone saw her leave or saw BM pull up to pick her up (ss10 was outside even - go figure). Of course we were not alarmed and knew immediately what happened.

OMG - knowing the BM like I have come to know her I am not surprised at all- this wonderful BM while fighting for custody of her children, could not even get through a 30 day rehabilitation program to win her children back - she ended up just quitting the program and giving my SO full custody - in other words major POS.

Discussing this with my SO - I just told him that it is sad that him and his ex will never parent these children together. It will always be a power play - one parent playing the bad guy and the other the hero - and there is nothing we can do to change it. But in reality and after lurking on this board for a bit - I am coming to the realization that this situtation - skids pitting one parent against the other is just the way it is and very common.

Regarding the situation with sd13 - I just don't really feel there is anything we can do to sd13 regarding the high speed getaway with BM despite her being grounded. She is already grounded for 2 weeks when she comes back from her visitation and I am thinking that will have to be enough. However, the blatant lack of disrepect and blantant lack of parenting to teach these children decent values just puts a pit in my stomach. :sick: