Gift giving and fairness
Thoughts??
I am a believer that fair is not equal. My mother has 5 bio gkids(3 from me, 2 from sister). My sister is a mess..her kids don't get a lot from her...and their fathers are not in the picture so they get nothing from anyone else. My mom spends almost double on them than she does my kids. I have never had an issue with that...and my kids are old enough to know it and they shrug it off because they love their cousins and understand. It's not a biggie. It's fair...but not equal.
So now this year I bring a SK to the xmas picture. My mom doesn't make a lot of money...things are always fairly tight..and she is giving all the gkids 75$ giftcards. She asked if I felt she had to do the same for sk. I said no..it's a gift...give what you want.
Is she evil? Am I evil for not making her play even stevens? She's met my sk about 5 times,btw.
I don't think you are evil.
I don't think you are evil. I'm sure Skid will get gifts from his bio grandparents that your bio kids won't get. IMO skid is fortunate to get anything from your mom-it is really nice of her to get him/her something though.
My mother gets my skids
My mother gets my skids nothing. skids have made my life miserable for 10 years, have never sent her so much as a card for Christmas, much less a birthday or get well. THey've never gone to her home when invited and have never participated in any of my family events.
On the other hand. My kids take off work to spend a day or two with dh parents when they come to visit. my kids remember their birthdays and send them a gift for Christmas. They in turn send my kids Christmas cards with $20 or so, exact same as skids get from them.
So, I don't think your mom is evil, and I think you said the right thing - it's a gift, give what you want.
My mom and stepdad have my
My mom and stepdad have my stepson and have my stepbrothers son.. obviously stepbrothers kid gets more because he is blood related to my stepdad.. thay is his actual grandchild.. Now my stepson is not blood related in anyway so he gets a video game (20$) every year where my step-nephew gets outfits and toys (100$+) and I don't think anything of it.. I asked my mom what if me and DH have a child together, she said it will be spoiled.. so duh it would get more.. I dont see anything wrong with her not getting SKID anything... Might I add she doesnt buy for his birthday either.. she wouldnt buy for christmas if it wasnt for giving me and DH a gift
I 100% agree that fair does
I 100% agree that fair does not mean equal. And no, skids don't automatically get the same from step-grandparents. My mom spends less on my SD13 than she does on her 6 biograndkids.
Relax and enjoy your Christmas!
I have to say as a SM that
I have to say as a SM that when DH and I have a kid it will get more from me and my family than SS does... Duh I will love it more too cause it would be mine.. (no love what so ever for SS)
Dh and I get our kids the
Dh and I get our kids the same number of gifts and spend the same amount on each one. Even with six, plus their SOS, all over age 20, we are careful to keep it fair. I bought nothing for skids, he didn't buy for mine. All gifts are from us, both our names on every gift.
The difference is that he pays for cars and car insurance and alimony and had ten yrs of cs over the years and bought every extra want.... While my x and I simply shared all the kid expenses halves. No cs, no alimony, he'd pay something and I'd give him half back or I'd pay and he'd give half. It was never once an issue. On the other hand, he roofed my new house when we divorced and I wallpapered his new kitchen. Lol. We r still friends.
Anyway... It's not fair but I'll totally slip my kids more cash or a gift card or two. He he he
SO true "lillians" if step
SO true "lillians" if step grandparents by for SKIDS too then they will get more than Biograndkids cause that makes another set of grandparents to get from that bio-kids wont cause I DO NOT see SKIDS Biograndparents buying for their grandkids stepsiblings.. lol (make sense?)
I've just recently come to
I've just recently come to this issue with my own parents this year and last. This will be the second year my Skids are with us for Christmas. My parents are divorced and do all their presents separately. I agree that fair-not equal is the way to go, but don't leave anyone out either. My mom and uncle and grandparents (my moms whole side of the family) was really great last year making sure to include my Skids with gifts. Not big gifts, but something for them to open when others that are born into the family were doing their exchange. My Dad however didn't even seem to acknowledge them at our gift opening on his side. I know he gives each of his Bio kids $100 on top of the presents to put into a savings account as well... I'm okay with my Skids not getting any money as they aren't truly part of his family (he's only even met them a handful of times) but to not even get a $2 hotwheels for 2 young boys for Christmas when you know they'll be there seems a little silly to me. The kids handled it well and know not to expect anything and that all gifts are to be considered above and beyond what anyone needs to give... I was just disappointed in my Dad I guess.
All that said.... My Skids are spoiled rotten by their mom and her side of the family so it's not that I feel bad for them at all.. Just disappointed in my dad.
It's evil but I love that
It's evil but I love that skids used to get 50 from their grandparents but now only get half because the other half goes to my kids.
And my mom doesn't buy skids anything.
If the tables were turned I'd be mad but ha ha neener neener.