FH... calling me names
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FH and I just got into a fight... I have had a horrible day just exhausted im 23 weeks pregnant! I worked alll weekend long days and I screwed up dinner then I was annoyed so kinda snapping. Anyways it got so bad he called me a "fucking cunt". I dont even know what to think at this point, I just dont think anyone ever deserves to be treated that way I cant take this :(. I am also going to have to go on mat leave. To be honest if we break it off I dont want anything from him I just dont think I could do it on my own. What is the line here I dont think I can handle being called something like that :(.
I have a promise right he
I have a promise right he gave me... Maybe if I gave that back to him he would understand the sincerity I have in him not calling me names esp when I am carrying his son. Its not something I want to throw away at all but I honestly feel like he should be aware of conciquences to actions. Maybe we should be sleeping in seperate rooms for the next little bit?
Echo I want to be you when I
Echo I want to be you when I grow up!
Echo we dont have the money
Echo we dont have the money for an engagement ring or for a wedding both of us would rather wait. The ring he got me is actually the size of a modest engagement ring, not that it matters. However he got it for me 3 months into our relationship when neither one of us felt comfortable with a proposal. The reason I gave it back to him is to show him how serious I am that our relationship is being threatened. As we all know words are one thing actions are another.
I don't necessarily agree
I don't necessarily agree that commitment or maturity should be measured by one's ability or willingness to spend money on jewelry. But everything else pretty spot on.
He just told me he wants to
He just told me he wants to apologize... I told him I didnt want him to. That this argument was far beyond apologies. That things need to change and I wont take an apology from him until he shows me he is sincere. I think when the kids go to bed I am going to give him his promise ring back and tell him we have work to do.
Awww honey, hugs to you. When
Awww honey, hugs to you.
When you talk to him let him know in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate being called names like that. Yes, you were both guilty in the argument but that crossed the line.
Then try to relax and take some time to take care of yourself.
Yeah he wont be giving it
Yeah he wont be giving it back any time soon. I thought about leaving but his job takes him away. I am however considering telling him to go to work and not to contact me during that time.
Have to agree with sueu2
Have to agree with sueu2 here. This guy has just slipped up and shown you exactly who he is. Who he is, is not a nice guy. What he called you is absolutely unforgivable, and yes, he will do it again and again. You are working now, earning an income, wait till you have no money coming in and he has power over you. Think long and hard here, very, very hard.
Can you do this on your own, well, you can you know. You are not the first women to step out and parent by herself. You won't be the last. When I walked out I had terror in my heart, but I had had enough, I actually walked out that door with a prayer in my heart along with the terror because I had no home to go to. I went to my sister, then back to a friend who was closer to the older kids school, then by court order back into the house the ex made it so bad I found a dump to rent and moved in with my kids, basically I took the kids, he took the house. The kids were 2, 6 and 8. I lived on welfare, got a part time job cleaning which allowed me to be home for the kids and I took the little one cleaning with me. I would do it all again tomorrow rather than go back.
The kids are all grown up, a teacher, a cabinet maker & joiner, and a human resources officer. None of them ever went on welfare, all of them have always worked. I doubt they would have turned out this well if I had stayed with the man who fathered them. Married with kids of their own now. I made it with three and I had no support, he never paid a penny in CS. Well, he did twice after I notified the court it wasn't being paid. Twice he came down and gave me a thumping. Then I realised he probably didn't like me asking for the child support. I never asked again and I never saw him again. He didn't want the kids on access visits either, so that was good.
You can do this. When you have to do it, you just batten up the hatches and you do it.
As an engaged woman? or
As an engaged woman? or Promised woman? That's a deal breaker.
As a wife - his life would be no fun for about 11 months.
That's a disgusting way to degrade a woman and I'm sorry but it's only just the beginning.
There is absolutely no excuse
There is absolutely no excuse for him calling you ANY names, let alone that one. I understand we get upset and sometimes say things we shouldn’t, but this is beyond that. He just showed you his true self honey….and it won’t get any better. Next time it will be a raised hand….then after that a push….and so on and so on. Get out now while the getting is good, before you have your child to “stay for”.
So... we had a LONG chat last
So... we had a LONG chat last night. FH admits that he flew off the handle he legitamitly does not remember saying that. When I confronted him during our fight he argued he hadn't said that either. Afterwards during our chat he said he didn't remember saying it but obviously he had if I was saying he had. He also didn't understand why we were discussing it if he wasn't "allowed" to apologize. I told him he could apologize all he wanted but what he said was unforgivable. That at the end of the day an apology is just words and what I needed to see was change not his moving mouth. That those where my boundaries and I believe in laying out boundaries so he knows where they are not just acting on them. I told him I had considered taking his right off and sleeping in separate beds of course he said we might as well be over. So we came to an agreement that name calling was out of line. He doesn't really get it because that doesn't bother or hurt him. I am pregnant and he is quitting smoking our emotions are both completely out of wack. He says he knows when my pregnancy is showing vs my actual anger. And I am reminded of what I know about addiction and the chemical imbalances it can cause. I told him its not am excuse but something we obviously both have to work through. At the ended of it I made it clear that if that word ever crossed his lips again or any other name calling I would be out the door. I believe in telling pople where boundaries are then if they cross them knowing where they are that is the true end.
Fast forward to thid morning. SS2 is having a miserable morning. He was up at 5:30 am tired grumpy and terrible 2's. So Ss is put on the quiet chair he quiets down and gets off on his own. I go over there and put him back... SO starts slamming in the kitchen he is pissed off that after SS finally stopped crying I put him back on and caused more crying. I lost it of course dont throw shit around! You dont ask me to parent your kids then loose it when I do! Not only that then he goes over and "talks" to SS now I am completely underminded. I told SO that and that I am done parenting ring is off as well as my birthday locket he gave me. No there wasnt name calling however I am so done with being completely disrespected in my own home! Surprisingly SO stayed calm for this whole event I guess he thinks its just my pregnancy... guess he has another coming when he sees my bare neck/hand. He is keeping the ring we talked about it. I told him I don't feel that a ring is deserving of our relationship as it stands right
... this sucks.