Having kids with fh...
So we arent married yet...but we plan on starting a family shortly after we get married.
Before ss4 always said that he was sooooo excited to be a big brother, and now thanks to pos bm, he is saying that he does not want us to have a baby. He scratched my stomach the other night and when i said dont that hurts (he was tickling me at first) he said, im gonna take the baby out. I said, theres no baby in there, not till me and daddy are married. The he said very clearly that he didnt want any brothers or sisters.
I told fh when he came back in the room, he called ss in to the room and asked him why he was saying it. SS refused to give an answer besides i dont know. so fh put him in time out, and made him apologize to me for being rude.
Today, i cant stop thinking about it.
For those of you that have kids with dh, and also skids, what are some of the things that go on between the kids. Will they always have conflict because they have the same dad but feel they have to defend their mother?
Its sad to say, and i feel horrible, but ss is very mean at times and says mean things to hurt people..even at 4 he can be very cruel. But anyways, what i pictured today was ss saying something mean to my child, and my child turning to him and saying, oh yeah well daddy never loved your mom and you were an accident...
what are some things that have happened with your child and the skid? do they do better because they do have the same dad, rather than 2 different parents, which creates teams?
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SMNikki
Please don't allow this little boy to scare you at all! Just remember that whether they are step-siblings or fully biological siblings - what your SS4 said could have been said by any 4 year old boy fearing an addition to the family. Yes, you do have it somewhat harder if POS BM is planting those seeds, but you can get ss4 back on your side. He's young and just needs reassurance. I may not be qualified to speak because I am not in the situation that you specified. I have no children of my own and met my DH fully knowing that we would not have children together, due to health issues compounded by my age. But I do believe that because SS4 is so young and that any child you bring into the relationship will grow up with SS - I believe that they will be more like brother and sister than what some of these blended families are dealing with when the kids are all somewhat used to "what was". At least that's my own opinion. You seem like a very very nice, caring woman so I'm sure you can make this work.
thank you
i hadnt thought of that, when i was younger i didnt ever want any brother or sisters, i liked being the only...
He can be very loving at times (ss)... i hope his pride in being a big brother will over shadow the crappy things bm is telling him.
the other fear i have though, which i didnt mention is that ss will like that he is the only child at bm's house therefore the center of attention. I always have thoughts like what if ss tells dh that he doesnt want to live with us because of bio kids. and then dh goes out of his way to keep ss close and neglects our kids...
ugh, seriously, im going nuts, my fh is the most amazing father and i know that he would never do any thing like this, if it were up to him i would already be prego, but i just know that kids are able to tear their parents apart sometimes...
SMNikki
I think you are so sweet! Don't drive yourself crazy with the "what if" game. What if step son gets more and more excited because DH and SMNikki make him a big part of the upcoming birth - helping pick out names and clothes.. telling him what a great big brother he'll be and more? What if SS4 gets even more attention - some private time with both DH and SMNikki - together and alone - during the pregnancy and after so that he always feels "extra" special? What if SS4 realizes that he'll be the smarter one and it's going to be up to him to show the little one how to do things and tells them all about you and DH and life? What if step son likes having a playmate and a buddy for life?
I saw on your profile that BM has been okay, but has been acting up lately. That would be my big worry because pregnancy (in addition to the WEDDING!) is a real sign DH has moved on. (In case she needed more signs). Hopefully her good side will overcome her bad and she'll deal. Whether she does deal OR not... there's a ton of what if's. And all I know about what if's is that no matter how hard you try to plan for them... no matter how many t's you cross and i's you dot... there's always an if that pops up that you never imagined! And then you tackle it and come out fine! Really!!!
My DH had 3 kids from his
My DH had 3 kids from his first marriage and after we got married we had 2 more. The Feckless Turd (BM) thought she had it over me because DH had a vasectomy 6 years prior. Well, those things can be reversed.
Things with Turd Blossom (youngest SD) and I were great because at the time she was only 6 and we became good friends. As soon as I became pregnant we heard every cliche you can think of..."You love the baby more than me", "We aren't really related to the baby because we don't have the same mommy". You name it, we heard it. Once the first baby came we purposefully pointed out how much he looks like SD and how the baby has Daddy's..whatever...just like SS does, blah blah blah. Pick some feature and harp on it! It will bond them through their similarities to your DH.
OH! Here is a great trick I used with my son who is 22 months older than my second son. While I was pregnant I told him that I was having a little brother for him to play with. In his sweet little baby brain he decided that it was "his baby" and I let him believe it. It worked out really well! Once son #2 came along son #1 wanted to feed his baby and take care of his baby. He was all over the baby! Today they are 5 and 3 and he still tells people "This is .... He's my baby" It's so adorable!
If you can get SS really involved he will have less stress about the whole thing.
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"Waiting for them to simply PAS out!" ~ Wicked2Three
i hear ya
Sorry but I have no good advice, just that my SD 15 says the same thing, she told me about a horrible dream she about me being pregnant. We are to be married at the end of this month and also plan to have a larger family. She hates the idea but I guess I am a selfish bitch, My life is also in play and who can hate a baby? Due to the young age of your SS I think the new baby and SS will get along like full siblings. A thought, My SD has a brother who is 6, from a different father and she loves this boy with all of her heart and soul. She thinks of her step sibling just like a real brother, there is no distinction for her. maybe that will be a hope for you
We are trying to have a baby together
my skids had never had a problem with it but my BD10 has. Her biodad is on his 2 baby in less than 2 years with wife #4 and so the realization of her being the baby in the family is gone.
My attitude is if it happens it happens and I will be happy either way.
BM can't have any more children and I know that if it does happen the PAS well begin...at least the custody issue is done before that could happen.