I agree 100% with you, but sadly many "parents" don't want to parent, but they would rather be best buds with their kids. These are kids who do not have the capability to think or act like an adult. It is our job as the adults to raise these kids to be functioning adults. Sadly, many parents are doing a huge disservice to their kids by not treating them as such. I see it everyday with my SD11.

SD11's BM highlighted her hair. She's also had it straightened (it's naturally VERY curly) for her school photos last year.
BM has naturally dark, curly hair, like SD (and DH). She has it bleached, and straightened. It looks like broom straw--really icky.
So, WHY would she straighten SD's hair for school photos? A mystery I shall never understand!
Then, at the end of the school year, SD shows up with tacky, poorly done blonde streaks in her hair. I asked DH about it. He hadn't noticed. So he asked SD "Did you have your hair highlighed?"
"Ummmm....yeah....."
Apparently, BM did it, using a kit, as a reward for good grades? Really? For a 5th-grader? Seriously?
I guess she wants to make sure that SD ends up looking as trashy as she does?
This is the same kid that, shortly after I'd moved here, I found myself asking my (then) DF..."Why does your XW dress your 9-year-old child like a hooker?"
His answer then? "Well, they went out for lunch today."
Again, ummmmm...okay? So, it's okay to dress your kid like a little tramp when you're going out in public. I see.
Not....

Highlights, waxing eyebrows, makeup, cell phones, shaving, bikini's, thong underware, underwire padded bras, generally trashy clothes...these are all things I have seen my SD be not only allowed to do and wear before the age of 10 but encouraged even beyond the childs interest by BM. It makes me quite sick.

And I have a good handle on what's appropriate for a child that age - I have a daughter practically the same age. Thankfully DD is less concerned with her vanity.

Good thing I've detached, lol.

I agree for the most part. Highlights and skimpy clothes should not happen before age 16 - 18 if it were my girl (luckily I have only boys). And a cell phone? Get a job and get a phone, LOL. But shaving legs I think is ok at age 10. I started shaving at age 11. Interestingly, I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday whose 10yo D also just started shaving and he's having a hard time with that. I tried to assure him that shaving at that age is normal. I think it kinda goes along with good hygiene and taking care of your appearance.

"Good God-I'm so glad I don't have a girl otherwise she would always bark at how unfair I was that I don't let her..." --> I feel the same way!

Thank God I have a boy!!! But... I do have a friend who allowed her daughter to get her hair highlighted when she was 10. And when she turned 11, she had a mani-pedi-hair party thing, where everyone at the party got pampered. I picked on her, asked her what in the world 11 year olds do that they need pampering.. lol

I guess I don't think it's a big deal, I think it it would be fun if I had a girl to do those kind of girl things together as long as it was in good taste. Heck, I've actually contemplated taking my 19 month old BS with me to get a pedicure.. he'd think it was great sitting in the massage chair with his feet in the bubbly water! DH would probably have the big one though if I took BS for any kind of feminine-like pampering like that though

The short shorts, skimpy tops, thong underwear crap though?? HELL TO THE NO!

My niece is 8. She is HAIRY like a wooly mammoth. She recently asked my sister if she could get rid of the hair. My sister was completely thrown for a loop. She too was very hairy and recalls being made fun of because of it. So we decided to use Nair for girls on her legs ONLY. It was a tough decision and it was seriously a family issue that had to be discussed amongst us all! My SD10 on the other hand, asked me if she could get highlights. I said "When you are 13 we can discuss it." I'm sure she asked me first because she knows her mom will let her do it and she doesn't want to get in trouble in OUR house when/if she shows up with streaks in her hair. She is pretty scared of our strict rules. She showed up with fake nails one weekend and DH went postal. So she had to sit in her room and take them off one by one. DH showed up in the middle of the week once to drop something off that she had left at our house and SD10 was wearing booty shorts. He lost it and told her that if he EVER sees her wearing anything like that again he's going to whip her ass. Of course BM was like "What's wrong with her clothes? She looks fine! I don't see what the problem is!" He ignored BM and reiterated to SD "let me see you wear that shit again so you can see what I'm gonna do to you!" Of course you don't see anything wrong dumb bitch, you are raising her to be a piece of slutty trash! Poor kid, I feel bad for her in a way. Her future is very bleak.

I will say that I don't think by itself that highlighting is really inappropriate for young girls. I myself would never dish out the money to pamper a child like that but so be it, I guess somepeople have more money to burn than I.

In fact I am pretty tolerent of hair in general. My mother was a hairdresser and when I was a child I got perms and highlights (leftover from customers).

So much of it depends on the overall 'aire' a child gives off. I don't want a 10 year old 'adult' in my home.

Pierced ears @ 15
Shaved legs @14
Streaks in my hair? @ 18-ish
Skanky clothes @ when I paid for them myself and no longer in school.

Although ... we wore uniforms to high school and when we were told we could wear sandals (in the uniform code) my BFF and I rushed out and bought slave sandals. The following week the code was changed to something a whole lot fuglier and more in line with what the school wanted.But as Louise and I already had our sandals we were allowed to keep them. I think it was one of the more rebellious moments in my life. Am i really THAT boring?

My DD is part Native American, so her hair is thick and dark. She has had *visible* leg hair all her life, and at 8 some kids started teasing her about it. So yeah, we "shave" her legs with veet. Doesn't really sound like your situation, though.

As for the rest of it? No way.

Why do these women think that teaching their daughters to change their looks is ok? She should be encouraging her that her hair is beautiful as is and that when she's older, if she still feels the same way, they will talk about it... why spend all that money to get a little girls hair done anyway? Women do it as upkeep and to look beautiful... appear sexy. What is that needed for a little girl?
Albeit, I put bikinis on SD6 and 3. Its way easier if they need to potty... I don't see anything wrong with it. Little kids used to swim naked.
Skimpy clothes- whatever. They need to pay for those themselves. It's sad bc I think BM is going to let these girs wear whatever they want one day... and they will end up pregnant in highschool just like she did. Doesn't she want better for them than what she had? I just don't get it. Poor DH is so protective of them and knows this is a truth but what can you do?

my dd13 started shaving at 9-like others ahve said-she had extremely dark hair on her legs and people made fun of here. She has also had her eyebrows waxed-idk she was probably 11 when we first did that-again she had excess hair and I wanted them shaped nicely before I started trying to teach her how to keep them up with the tweezers. My my younger dd9 started shaving this summer-did she need to? no, she didnt-but she was aware that her older sister did at that age so of course seh wanted the same privilege. I dont really see it as a big deal-I was probably 10 or so myself when I started shaving. Both my girls wear bikinis and always have as do ALL of their friends-again I dont see a problem with it. I dont think it is sexualizing anything. Is wearing a one piece sexualizing girls? Is that the magic line-a two piece does sexualize and a one piece doesnt? As far as fake nails and all that stuff-what little girl doesnt like to play dress up? As far as highlighting-I allowed my 13 year old dd this year to put a semipermanent color on her hair-it actually darkened her hair a bit to just provide one nice even overall color. I dont know that I have a problem with highlights with the exception of cost. I do think it is rather frivlous to highlight a child's hair when they are 8 and 9 years old-especially if you intended on keeping up with it. But again, for me it is more about a FUN factor than sexualizing a child. My girls got feathers put in their hair last appt-just fun stuff-not trying to make them more attractive to predators just having fun.

I try not to react to what SD11 wears. Sometimes she wears a t-shirt and athletic shorts or capris and a top which is what a young lady should wear but lately I am seeing booty shorts and very low wife beater type tank tops or spaghetti strap tops...mind you she looks like a typical 7 year old but still if she had a normal developed body of a girl her age it would be very inappropriate what she wears. I still don't like it and she is flat and skinny as she can be. One can only imagine what the future will be.

SD11 does shave her legs, has a cell phone, but has never wanted to color or cut her hair but does always want to get her nails done.

fh and i were both apalled too when sd7 came home with highlights. at least it was only two streaks but still, they are thick streaks that look very unnatural and tacky to me. i just think kids as young as her should have wayyyy different stuff on their minds. they shouldn't be worried about appearances just yet. but my sd is VERY concerned with her appearance. she loves the makeup, paints and repaints her nails about three times a day, always wants her hair cut short like BM and BM's sister's hair, looks in the mirror while lifting up her shirt and sucking her stomach in and says "look you can see my ribs!," and more sickening things along those lines. and yes she also has a cell phone which is fancier than mine or fh's! she can't even work the damn thing but it's there when BM wants to call her every day of her visit with us. she hasn't brought up shaving yet but i have noticed lately how hairy her legs are. it is blonde but you can see that she's her father's daughter because he is a hairy man and she is just covered! so i know it will come up soon. i just worry about the effect all this will have on kids so young. as much as it seems that she hears about "how horrible it is to be fat" at BM's i'm just waiting for the eating disorder! she already barely eats but so far we've just chalked it up to her being SO picky because she has no problem chowing down the junk food.