Ex-Wife and SS Wedding....
My DH and his ex had expenses on their eldest son's wedding some 4 years ago. As the Ex had no money at the time, we covered her share as she said she would pay it back. She sold the family home, lives in her Dad's house (he passed last December) still works as a hairdresser, has rental coming to her from another house she owns with her brother. She never repaid the amount like she said. Now SS2 is getting married in April -- no worries? DH called her and asked her to repay the amount (as we wanted to give it to SS)... she avoided calls, then flipped when DH sent her text asking her to put it in his account..... Quote: " You are their Dad which I think you seem to be treating this like a business transaction. We are parents for life and who pays for what is irrelevant. Love and kindness and gratitude for 2 lovely boys that we had is what this should be about" When he pointed out that he had paid without qualm on the first wedding, she said that she'd paid extra so she would deduct "his " half from that (not that she even asked him about that at the time!). She also told him to think about our wedding and how the costs had mounted up (Why she would do that I don't know - our wedding was also 4 years ago and was about the only event in his family that she was not invited to !!) This is the woman who has attended every one of his family functions since - gets in the first row of the wedding pics, and hasn't let go. At the last wedding last July, whenever I turned round, she was at DH's elbow whispering and talking to him. She was married before, divorced by my DH, had a relationship for 18 years that broke up last year and SS2 has moved to the other side of the world to get away from her. My DH has said he will say 'hello ' to her at the wedding but nothing more
SO my question is> We are all going to the wedding in April. She will hand over some or all of DH's money (and get the credit and probably say it is just from her and him, not me) and act like she's dong me a favour by letting me be there. Is it OK for me to point out to her that she's a jealous and controlling bitch who's never got over the fact that DH left her and that perhaps she should seek some counselling on how to move on with her life? Or should I let it go?.
Oooh, great idea! Why waste
Oooh, great idea! Why waste money on the wedding?
She sounds like a bitter
She sounds like a bitter jealous woman, anything you say to her she will just misconstrue and twist. I would ignore her, but I would also not take any crap from her.
"who pays for what is
"who pays for what is irrelevant" - So by her reasoning it won't matter if your DH doesn't pay for anything just like it didn't matter last time.
Neither you nor your DH should speak one word to her ever. Your DH can tell his son that he gave the money directly to his mother.
If there was ever a case for IGNORE THE WHORE this is it.
I'll tell you what I've been
I'll tell you what I've been telling myself:
"focus on your life, focus on your dreams, focus on your goals... this drama is not yours, let it go. You are giving your life to people who don't deserve it."
This is where the facts
This is where the facts become important and the Skids should be informed of the facts. This will help arm them with some necessary tools for being able to manage and counter the influence of their toxic mother and compensate for the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool that she contributed.
DH needs to start this communication process NOW and keep it up consistently for the rest of his or the XW/BM's life whichever ends first.
DH needs to inform his sons, both of them, of BM's failure to pay her half of the wedding for SS1 and that your DH's contribution to the wedding of SS2 has nothing to do with BM unless she gives him money which should be considered as the money should have repayed DH for wedding #1.
Kids need the facts. Give them the facts.
No fighting at the wedding. I
No fighting at the wedding. I concur.
My brother and my parents had an issue similar to this one with my brother's ILs.
My bro's ILs agreed to pay for the birth of my niece and for my brother and SIL's wedding. They did a prepaid birth plan with the hospital because when they married both my brother and SIL lost their insurance coverage on their parent's insurance.
The ILs never ponied up a dime for either the wedding or for the prepaid birthing plan for my niece.
My parents ended up paying it all. When my brother confronted them about it his ILs told him "it got paid, what difference does not make who paid it?"
I have no use for those worthless POS people. Most disgusting to me is that they are loaded. Their net worth is more than $10Mil so this is an unequivocal testament that they are complete assholes.
I tell my bro whenever he is venting about his ILs to send them an invoice quarterly for the wedding and birthing plan money with 22 years of penalties and interest. I would if I were him.
Grrrrrr!
My parents of course had no issue paying those bills but my dad will occassionally share with me that he has no use for my brother's ILs.
Great comments and advice....
Great comments and advice.... thanks one and all ... have copied and pasted to private journal to look at every day to remind myself.
This is why you can never win
This is why you can never win with BM: "You are their Dad which I think you seem to be treating this like a business transaction. We are parents for life and who pays for what is irrelevant.” To anyone other than a non-SM, this sounds beautiful, doesn’t it! She is coming off like a mother first, unconcerned with funding. Any of her kids and friends would see it that way in agree/side with her. In reality, it is very manipulative, and belies the fact that she reneged on her promise to both of you to repay. Argh!
And, at the wedding, if you just want to sit with your husband, because after all that is wives do at events, sit with their husbands, she’ll throw a hissy fit and act like you are trying to take her place at the wedding and how dare you! And, all of her kids and friends will agree with her and how sad it is that SM tried to take over BM’s place at the wedding. Really! Best thing for step-mom to do at weddings--either go looking like Sofía Vergara in a red dress and play the flaming 2nd wife to the max., or avoid the whole thing and plan a spa day with friends, people who actually care about you.
My SS30 (the most worthless
My SS30 (the most worthless POS on earth) just got engaged. I am sure DH and I will be vilified for not ponying up for the wedding (big costume party in my opinion). SS and GF have been living together for a year and have a baby.
DH and I (who also lived together for a year or two) got married with no fanfare. We did not expect anyone to do cartwheels over our marriage. Or to give us money.