The Ex!
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My husband wants his 10 year old to live with us part time. I came up with the idea of he stay with us one week and his mom the next week. We stay only like 5 miles apart so it want have any interference with school. My thing is he wants to talk to his ex alone with his son.He said if I'm in on the discussion so will the step dad. My response was the step dad has nothing to do with him(one reason the child wants to spend more time with us) We do things with him. I will be the one looking after the child 90% of the time when he is there. I feel like I should be included on the talk and decisions made. What should I do,am I wrong for feeling this way.
I ahree with you, however
I ahree with you, however another option could be that you could discuss things with SS and DH before they have this conversation with BM. Just to make things clear about what your willing and prepared to do. Good luck with this...
I see both sides of this
I see both sides of this issue. I sure as HELL would want to be included in discussions that would involve me being assumed to be a non-paid babysitter, nanny, taxi, chef, & entertainer of a child that is NOT my own.
However, it is their child and their child alone. I guess I would have whatever discussions you need to have with your DH ahead of time. And impress upon him that NOTHING is going to change until he runs it by you as well.
There are those of us who
There are those of us who have totally untrustworthy BM's and husbands who just give in for peace's (aka for the kids) sake! I have told DH anything that impacts me is MY business too. It took a while and DH and I are back on board the same ship now.
^^^I agree. I know in my
^^^I agree. I know in my case my very presence would aggravate BM to know end and nothing would get solved. She would be too stuck in the miserable reality of her life to do anything reasonable, even if it was better for the skids.
You have to make a deal with him that anything that affects you must be run by you.
I think the idea that just because BM and BD were alone when they conceived the child no longer applies when they divorce. Now there are more players and the nature of divorce assumes more people will be involved. But few are mature enough to accept this reality. This is your home and you have every right to be included in a conversation that leads to another person coming into your home a significant amount of the time, the idea that it's not is ludicrous and wrong and would never be accepted in any other situation.
But I know in my case the best policy is to remove myself from the situation, I trust that my husband won't agree to anything unless consulting me and I know the BM in my life will be MORE likely to be reasonable, but she is rarely reasonable with just DH present, so it's asking a lot from her even in the best of circumstances.
My only question is: where is
My only question is: where is this talk taking place?
Three-way phone convo- OK.
Out at a restaurant-big problem.
At an attorney or notary's office to approve a change in custody right there- ideal.
I used to want to be a part
I used to want to be a part of the decisions but it only made things worse(BM hates me). After literally years of arguing with my hubby and being stressed out we finally came to agreements about what we would do in certain situations and he dealt with BM. I have not spoke to her in 2 years, I ignore her bitchy texts and comments and it makes her so mad and I could care less. No more stress and arguments between me and my husband we are 100% on the same page and she is still miserable because we are happy.
They are free to discuss
They are free to discuss anything they want about their child.
The moment their decisions start impacting my life - it becomes my business. I dont care that i was not in the room when the child was conceived (thank god).
I am there now, and i have to suffer their consequences.
Nothing gets decided without my input.