Does anybody else's SO make excuses for their childrens' behavior?
Ok, this is a huge problem for me and I can talk until blue in the face but I get nowhere. When I tell DH about something his kids did to me, he makes excuses and blows it off like it doesn't matter and I am getting really sick of it. I stepped in when their p.o.s. mom gave them up willing to help him. But why if he is just going to dismiss disrespect? Latest example: SD13 has had one good behavior report from school in over a month. She has been in On Campus Suspension twice. She has been a complete, excuse my french, B*TCH to me and DH at home, and bossing SS10 and nephew 4 any chance she gets. So the other day when she stole her best friend's snack money even though she had a snack, she got to sit in the kitchen to eat an almond butter and diabetic jelly sandwich and carrots for dinner while we all had one of her favorite meals together at the table. We were all talking and saying how good the new pasta I had bought was in the recipe, and I went "Mm, mm, mmm! I can't believe these noodles are so good!" (I have recently been diagnosed with Celiacs so I am learning about gluten free). She mocked me in a very sarcastic, b*tchy tone from the kitchen. Dh did NOTHING about it. Then today when I mentioned that she has done nothing to deserve a treat that he asked me about treating her to, I said she still has not received any consequences for that, and he said, "You don't think maybe she was copying you in a good way? Kids take after people they look up to." GRRR! If he doesn't think it is important for his children to show me some respect for all that I do for them, that their own mother is not willing to do for them, he could at least not insult me by making such idiotic excuses for his children. I wish I could find a job so I can disengage.
OMG - I totally understand.
OMG - I totally understand. SS13 is a MESS. He was much worse before I came into the picture two years ago and clued DH in on his behavior. SS13 knows exactly how to act in front of people, but he flat ran the show with DH and BM. Serious screaming, hitting, name calling tantrums over everything. It was obscene. BM had him on every medication on the planet instead of actually parenting. Now that DH has confronted him about this behavior and won't tolerate it, SS13 is usually fine at our house. He still acts exactly the same at BM's and she is pushing more medication now. I remember when SS13 called me the "c" word, I asked DH if he could even imagine my friend's boys (same ages) ever calling a woman that. And she is a single mom with six kids. DH's response? "No, but they are nice kids". I wanted to smack him - thats his primary job in life, to make HIS kid a nice kid. Now when SS13 comes over and makes fun of DH, calls him names, etc as usual (and DH excuses it by saying its his way to tell DH he is hurt), my DD4 will stick up for DH and tell SS13 that he can't talk to her dad like that.
SD18 appears to be a lovely girl, but she has TOTALLY turned into her mother. She will literally smile in your face, accept gifts, actually PUSH for gifts and things that are ridiculous. Like me paying for airline tickets for her college tour, not just for me, her, and our family, but for her friend and friend's MOM. She thought that was totally acceptable and tried to bully me into it. Come to find out, she was saying horrible things behind my back to everyone the whole time. Passive agressive, two faced and will take and take. DH's response to this behavior? "Haven't you noticed that I don't really talk to her anymore?". Hmmmmmmm....pretty impressive parenting there.
Oh but here is the thing, he
Oh but here is the thing, he does not tolerate this behavior from his kids toward ANYONE else. Not even their mother who signed them off at the UPS store and makes excuses not to see or speak to them. It is only me that he allows them to disrespect. Like the other day, M-I-L had told SD to go sit down and eat 3 times and SD went back over and started bugging her about a drink again while she was trying to take care of granny who is wheelchair-bound. M-I-L got irritated and in a frustrated tone told SD "Go sit down and eat and don't move your butt from that chair again." SD said, "Yes! Ma'am!" in a smart mouthed tone and rolled her eyes and continued to dig in the cabinets. DH didn't make any excuses. She got punished. There are only excuses when it is me they direct their disrespect toward. And to be frank, the only people in their lives that have earned any respect from them are Father-in-law, step-mother-in-law, and me.
Wow! All I can say is that
Wow! All I can say is that you need to tell him that you expect the same respect from the skids that they are required to give to others. I would definately be pissed - that is not okay.
DH is still giving excuses
DH is still giving excuses now that skids are 21 & 23. It is always bm's fault. Yes BM was a crappy mother but how long do skids get a free ride because of it. Spend all your $$ on tattoos, it's bm's fault. Total 3 vehicles in three years. It is BM's fault. Flunk the 3 measly classes you take at college. Bm's fault , too. Sit on you wide @ss all summer instead of getting a job. Bm's fault, too.
I once told DH a story about my best friends SIL. This girl suffered horrific abuse for years. She was prostituted by her own mother from the age of 10 until she ran away from home at 15. She got a job, got her GED and went to college part time while supporting herself. She is now an office manager at a large medical facility, happily married with 2 kids. She had worse childhood I ever heard of but somehow became a law abiding, self supporting member of society. Skids just had an idiot for a mom and they can barely function.
My DH used to do that as well
My DH used to do that as well and in a way still does. I have to give up everything for these kids and he doesn't even expect child support from her yet she gets to have contact anytime she wants.
Everytime my ss steps outta
Everytime my ss steps outta line my bh gives me the "well his mom is putting stuff in his head" line...true or not give me a break!
Yep - these are DH's excuses
Yep - these are DH's excuses for horrible behavior as well. No, your kid is just an asshole. That's all. And you aren't teaching him not to be one. You are just doing your best to be his buddy.
Oh yeah....."well, his
Oh yeah....."well, his chilhood was difficult because of my divorce with cow (bm) and blah blah blah". Give me a break! :sick:
A lot of people have difficult childhoods and can still manage to get & keep fvcking jobs and act right!
HA! I highly doubt his
HA! I highly doubt his childhood was any more difficult than mine (abused in EVERY way by dad, hated by jealous mom because my dad "loved me more", then after their divorce still abused by dad, forced to go to his house so mom could run all over the US meeting internet boyfriends, raped at a party when I was 14 because neither parent cared to make sure I was where a 14 yo should be at midnight, yadda yadda yadda.) and I turned out to be a perfectly functional adult with good work ethic, respect, and common decency. So tell him if you would like that I told him to come back to earth from his fantasy land.
Yikes!!! Ok, mine isn't that
Yikes!!! Ok, mine isn't that bad.... yet!
The funny thing is...my bio
The funny thing is...my bio kids are not permitted to get away with anything near what ss is, one time my daughter 5 at the time was in trouble for mouthing back, and she should have been, but shr looked at dh and said with a smile"my dad is putting stuff in my head"..... i almost lost it completly......