Sounds like for some reason, he's resentful of you. Have you sat down and talked about everything that needs to get done in a day - and how you're splitting up the work? My husband and I both work 9-5 and I used to often do a lot of chores after work around the house. I started feeling resentful until one day, we sat down and talked about it. I realized he didn't even know all of these things were being done. We split them evenly now.

I find men don't realize how much goes into keeping a household running efficiently and maintaining cleanliness. They don't realize that we spend an hour or even more every day just doing little things - a load of laundry here, tidying the kitchen, picking up groceries, whatever it is, it all adds up and we feel like we're doing a lot but they don't even realize they're not contributing. Men are often used to their moms doing all this stuff and they just exist in a nice clean well stocked house lol

Maybe it's worth sitting down and explaining everything that needs to be done? If he works 10 hours and you work 8 hours, maybe he feels he's working harder and getting up earlier because he's not realizing everything else that's happening.

I dont think people understand the demands of being a working mom/wife, and also doing all the house work, dinner, errands, etc... My fiance does not say this stuff, and he better never start (lol), but I can understand your frustration. I am divorced and my ex was like that. I was a stay at home mom for two years when my youngest was born. It is hard work and you never truly get a break from it. I would hear that I should not complain because I was home all day while he was working. There was such a lack of respect. I went back to work because it drove me insane. Its not what broke us, but I wish people would understand the demands of working and taking care of a home/children. I am up at 5am everyday - work 8-9 hours and then go home, cook, laundry, run my kids where they need to go and sometimes not getting home until 9PM after a sports game or practice. By Friday I am exhausted! I wonder when this cycle slows down - and I know I will miss it someday so I really don't complain. Its definitely a struggle! Hang in there!

Communication is the key here....you're annoyed with his comments so you need to understand his intent.

Instead of comparing different people to prove the equality of the situations, why don't you ask him, when he makes a remark, why he said it. Point blank. He should explain how he views the statement you made and the reasoning behind his.

Encourage him, sincerely, to talk to you...give him the space to explain. Let him know that talking about his concerns is supported but snarky comments will be shut down. That is a boundary YOU set to prevent crap like this from continuing to be pointless and antagonizing pieces of your relationship.

What time is he going to bed? I wonder if he is getting enough sleep? Next time he complains, tell him to go to bed earlier.

DH is the same. He does more labor intensive work (granted he was out of work for AGES and still found reason to be tired) and I do office work. It is like I am not allowed to be tired or run down because I am not working outside in the elements. I call it his favorite "pissing match" ... who is more tired.

I do everything. Of course, he doesn't see it that way. Yes, he pitches in and cleans... but I do the real cleaning. I am sure you know what I mean. I also remember and keep track of everything -- mental exhaustion, anyone?

So basically they are tired and resent us because they don't get it, and we are tired and resent them because we do get it.

Most men see only the "big picture." If it isn't some huge, miraculous transformation, they don't notice it.

They don't see you picking up the dishcloths, dish towels (or for the UK folks "tea towels") and putting them in the washer on a sanitize cycle, they don't see you tidying as you go along, they don't notice the bed that is made; all the organization that goes into paying all the bills on time, setting appointments, remembering the dates for vehicle inspections, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, making a list of anything we are out of (Chef is really bad at this; he overbuys stuff we already has and never mentions stuff we are out of--the "our groceries" app goes unused on his phone--bah woman's work)

If it were up to Chef, he would just walk out of the house, doors unlocked window blinds open, lights and stereo on, pets unfed. Magic elves do all of that. The other day I noticed he was going on the "why don't we get a maid" routine.

Are you SERIOUS?? He would be TOTALLY insulted if I hired a handyman to do jobs he has no time for.

I'm with veritas. Stop him in his tracks by saying: "That's interesting, tell me more? or "Why do you say that?" Let him flounder around for a bit.

My DH and I had a similar conversation a few years ago. I pointed out that while he spends more time at the office, I am completing more tasks and have to multitask more often. He only has one job to do when at work. I have many at the my own job, at home, with the kids, at the grocery store, driving places. He chips in a lot more now either because he understands or because he's tired of me complaining. Either way, he benefits from a much more affectionate wife and way better dinners being served.

I recently went through a rough patch with my health, and my DH took over doing the meal planning and cooking. Just one thing that I do for our family. Granted, it is a major thing, but still, just one. And I had a cycle of almost 30 recipes to choose from, all family favourites, all but 4 take 30 minutes or less....

It's been a month. We've had three different meals from that list of 30 (about 4-5 times each) because meal planning is harder than he realized, so he just makes the same ones. I do about half of the actual cooking as I put the crockpot on in the morning - he takes the 'work' out of it by choosing the meal and leaving out the recipe and ingredients.

I can't complain about DH not doing things to my standards (he's not careful enough about meal planning around sales, and I'd like to have more variety again, lol) because I am happier having that free time for myself than having him do everything MY way. That being said...

I wonder how your DH would adapt if you asked to him to take over something for x amount of time, and left him with instructions for how you do it.