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Is Church more important than School?

rosa1's picture

Ok, another post I said that my DH was getting along better with BM. Well that all changed last night, when he was trying to talk to her about the bad grades of the son/14 there is a lot of "F's" anyway, he has a test today and instead of studying for it he was playing on the computer, he was upset cause he said he had not studied for it at all (the night before the test) when he got on the phone with the ex, he asked why she was not working with him on his grades but yet would ground him for not going to Church, but not for grades, she said and I quote "church is more important than school", my DH then said..... well you should get him a bible to study so he can become a preacher... and the fight now continues.... She hung up on him and it will be a least a week before she will answer the phone, which means he will not be allowed to talk to his children. She gets mad he gets punished.

I guess my DH has no rights as to the future well being of his children, she can collect CS and not give a rats ass if he passes school or not.....

Anyone have a suggestion..... I am at my wits end with this woman and feel helpless because I see the pain in my DH cause he can't do a thing about it, because he is the non-custodial parent, yet pays for the children, but has NO say is there education!!!! what is wrong with this?

rosa1's picture

BM has sole custody..... DH has his hands tied! But that is a very good idea, I will mention that to my DH about contacting her preacher, she is one that goes to church every sunday and wednesday nights too. Not that church is bad, but both of the SK's have stated on more than one occasion that they did not like the church. Its funny because they tell us she is in a singles group there and differnt guys come over all the time... I would expect she is looking for her next meal ticket.

Coldandloved's picture

Have DH settup an appointment to talk to the preacher. If you're super motivated look up her bible, and find passages that may be applicable. No preacher in his right mind is going to think it's ok for this kid to do poorly in school. The preacher should have some ideas on how to handle it.

rosa1's picture

Tried that, she won't respond to DH emails. He would ask questions about kids and she just ignored them, but she expected him to answer hers.

Its all about the money, that is all she cares about, its very sad when its obvious that my DH has concerns. She think just because she has Sole custody that she calls all the shots, and she does! she only sees black and white. what ever is in the divorce decree that is what she goes by. Heaven forbid she let me DH have them for 1 second longer than the papers say. Its crap like this that makes me wish my DH just threw his hands in the air and said fuck it call me when your 18.

I sure hope that these children realize that my DH cares and tries, and its the BM that is putting up the wall. I guess if my DH said nothing about grades and the BM does what she does (nothing) about his grades..... What happens to the child? just left to figure it out on his own. How Sad!

rosa1's picture

I hear what your saying, but how would effect the children to just walk away, or just don't be involved in caring about the school stuff. I guess BD will always be made the bad guy. Honestly I think a a year or two, this child will be a hand full. She may beg BD to take him, if she keeps up her failure to be a good parent. In the end how ever this child turns out will be a result of her upbringing and not my DH.

Your right, so much money will be spent on attorney fees that I am well sure nothing will change. just a slap on the wrist.

How on earth can a person that grew up with the same parents still married, know what effect divorce has on children? Both my DH and I are a product of divorce and know what we went through, yet she just does not understand..... how could she.

I have got to get a grip on myself, this is consuming me up..... and I know I can't change a thing, but this place makes me feel better just to vent my thoughts and feelings.... Thank you.... Sigh....

sadstepmom26's picture

"how would effect the children to just walk away, or just don't be involved in caring about the school stuff."

It would affect them HORRIBLY!

jilas0127's picture

I would suggest that dad contact the school and set up a parent-teacher conference. My husbands ex does not work with my SS on his school work either. If dad shows concern and gets involved in the schooling, 1.) It makes him look good to the school 2.) He'll know whats going on with his kid. If BM is neglecting school work, she's probably neglecting elsewhere. If BF is serious about being involved, you can retain a lawyer and express these concerns and maybe get more visitation, if it's in the best interest of the child. I would also suggest finding out where SS is struggling and buying some activity books and work with him while he's at your house. Express to him how important school is, and that in order to be successful in life, knowledge is power. As far as which is most important, church or school, well, SS knowing Christ will determine his eternity, education will determine his success. Success won't get you into heaven. The Lord should be first and foremost to all of us, but to compare school and Church, it comparing apples to oranges. Both are important. I do have one question though....How can BM ground him for not going to church....if she's the one that has the power on whether he goes or not? Who's parenting who?

rosa1's picture

He is being neglecting elsewhere and yes DH should make an apt. to meet with the teachers he is failing with.... that will be a all day meeting.... We have tried to do other activities, he has no desire for anything but video games, bought him a book he picked out, oh all of a sudden, he thought the book was boring.... sign.... I tried....

Good question who is parenting who, but she did ground him for a week with no TV, internet, video games just because he refused to go to church. Little sister did the same thing a few weeks later, and she told me she got grounded too, but said she did not know what from, cause she still had tv and other stuff... hummm, that was strange.

All my efforts are pointless.....

I think I give up! Is it to late to marry somebody else....lol