Hello. So awhile ago I blogged about my annoyance with wife and ASD.  I was feeling unwelcome and disrespected in my own home, and as the only one with a real job (career) I was ready to give everyone the boot.

Some of your responses brought me back to earth.  I sat down with wife and we divided our money and split the bills in a way we could both agree on. (Thank you).

i bought 6 new chargers and cables: two for wife, two for me, 2 for SGS IPAD.  I gave all old chargers to ASD.  I then explained to everyone that I would like my chargers to remain where I put them, and that extension chords when not being used should be put away.

I bought 2 new throws.  A blue one for me and a tan one for wife.  I gave the old ones to ASD and emptied a shelf in a piece of furniture for her to store one on the main level  I asked her to store the others in her space or basement.

 When I mentioned being glad she was keeping the upstairs clean but I like to sweep daily so would appreciate her returning broom and vacuum to broom closet, she told me she had brooms and vacuum in basement I could have.  I dug through the stuff she threw in piles in the basement.  I found brooms, sweeper, paper towels, light bulbs, wax paper, etc.  I took her ratty brooms and sweeper upstairs to her closet and brought mine down.  They are now stored in my bedroom closet and I am happily maintaining my hardwood floors once again.  The kitchen supplies joined the ones I have been supplying the whole house with.

Finally, I came to terms with some facts:

     1. As long as ASD lives here I cannot plan on spending any of my time in the living room.  I will enjoy it when she is not sprawled from end to end.

      2. I chose to raise her son a few years ago, not to be a mommy to her.  I will work on keeping my relationship with her as functional as possible for his sake, I am no longer going to offer to help her out with life.  I have agreed to give her a place to live and to raise her son,  The rest is up to her. (She will most likely remain on my sofa until I die)

      3.  While we have a large room upstairs where we allowed her to put her sofa and tv, we do not have a lease with her specifying use of space.  I have begun hanging out in there with grandson when she is in living room.

     4. She will never pay much attention to GS even though she is technically his mother.  I am okay with that.

      5.  Getting angry at wife because I am inconvenienced by her toxic relationship with her AD is pointless.  I knew how dysfunctional it was before I ever agreed to let her live here.  Years of therapy haven’t changed anything, my grumping about isn’t going to.

I will make changes where I can, adapt when I must.

When little annoyances get the best of me, I will find a safe outlet and move on.  This website is such an outlet.  I am going to get into therapy.  I wish my wife would too, but I realize that is on her, not me.

Thanks for being an ear and for all comments and advice.