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justadam's picture

Submitted by justadam on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 4:56pm

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Adult Stepchildren

I have expressed issues before in relation to my adult step-daughter (21). She has been married for 4 years, my wife and have been married for 3 and I have a step-daughter who is 16 who is full sisters with ASD. In the last 2 years my wife's son-in-law refuses to let me in his families life. I was for awhile then he moved back closer to his mother and I was no longer anything but "married into the family". My step grandchildren latest birthday my wife was told she was invited and I was not. That is just a background not the issue at the moment.

I really can't stand my stepdaughter and sadly sometimes I wish she didn't exist. She does nothing I can do about that. She never comes to our house because her husband won't allow her to and she won't stand up to him. She didn't come to her sisters Sweet 16 because he wouldn't allow it. My wife's birthday is Saturday and last week I sent my adult step daughter a message and asked her to come out of town with us. She hadn't spent holidays with any of us since 2012 and I said if she wasn't allowed to do that from her husband then maybe she could come even if she didn't bring the kids to our house for dinner Friday night being we were leaving Saturday morning. No response.....

Then two nights ago the ASD calls her mom and says she would like to take her to dinner with just the kids for her birthday. Her kids are 3 and 1. My wife asked me if it is okay and it was at the moment but the more I think about it the more I get highly irritated at my ASD and maybe a little with my wife. It is like the moment this kid wants to do something oh its so sweet but I feel like always doing what she wants is just enabling her to continue to be an asshole. I don't really know how to feel and I would like any advice or any input.

justadam's picture

Submitted by justadam on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 5:22pm

Yeah, we have already thought plenty of times that he may be physically and emotionally abusing her. However, there isn't much we can do about that. I guess I am tired of that being the excuse that I am getting the butt end of the deal. Only because I am that guy that does care a lot and I think if I would have went the first 2 years without being involve din the Grandchildrens lives it would be easier but being I was it is hard.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 6:42pm

I suspect you are onto SIL-by-marriage and he damned well knows it. This is why he is never around. He is scared of being called out for his arsehole behaviour which I doubt it concealed very well. If your ASD has been married 4 yrs and she is 21 .... she was only 17 when she married him. That is incredibly young and in time she will work it all out.

Voice your concerns one more time to your wife and then let it drop. Then no more. Do not raise the issue because it may be getting back to SIL-B-M.

I suspect ASD is trying to make the best of her life the way it is. One day she will be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Wed, 10/21/2015 - 6:58pm

I'm sort of on the other side of this. I have not seen my SS 30 in over 2 years - totally my choice. I do not like one thing about him and have no intention of wasting another millisecond of my life with him. No reason to do so.

I feel no need to confront SS and tell him why I want nothing to do with him. There are millions and millions of people I do not interact with. He's just one of them. I just put him in erase mode. And the why "not" really doesn't matter. There's really no "why" I should ever see him.