Bm dyed stepdaughters bright colors before big family wedding
Hi,
I'm a step mom of 2 girls ages 9&11. I have been with their dad 6 years and married one. We all get along well but a few years ago have had our rocky days with the kids mom. Now a days she's great she calls me like a friend and it's nothing like it was before. Today she sends me a pic of the younger ones hair she got done-its bright red and purple-like an ombre but it's very bright!! They are staying with us next week because their aunt (my husbands sister) is getting married and they are in the wedding. This is really upsetting to me and the bride. I expressed this to their mom and she was so apologetic and didn't even think. She suggested we just do a hairstyle that doesn't show it. I tried very hard not to get upset since the bride is (don't blame her). They have spent alot on this wedding the photographer and my stepdaughter is 9! I can see it being fun if it was a wash out...she says she loves it and has begoing for a year now. I asked if we could dye it back because it's upsetting to everyone. Do u think we r out of line? We have all been getting along so well the last few years but why would she think this is ok? I'm thinking of just making her dying it back but I just can see my stepdaughter crying. Ugh...my husbands upset too.
Calling Camper.
Calling Camper.
Chrissyanne, there is another poster who ran amuck with a bride regarding children's hair color. I'm not certain how you CAN do a hairstyle which will not show wild hair color. If bride is upset, then I think SD-9 may be out of the wedding. Sad consequence. The other poster, Camper's kids are out of the wedding on her end as a result of summer hair colors.
Or, DH authorizes a "dye to natural-ish color" --- something in the human hair spectrum --- and then BM can offer a re-dye back after the wedding due to BM's inconsideration. Perhaps this will be SD's chance to be a red-head or a rich walnut or a blondish or ?
Oh hell no. Go get the hair
Oh hell no. Go get the hair color fixed. She can go back to clown after the wedding. Whether BM is playing bullshit games or truly made a mistake is irrelevent.
The thing about hair color is that it can be whatever anyone wants it to be when they want it to be that color. Prepare her for the wedding. A temporary version of a "normal" color can be used to minimize potential damage to the kids hair.
There is nothing for anyone to be upset about. Daddy can get it fixed. He can do what he wants with his kid's hair on his time just like BM can on her time.
I feel like it's a lack of
I feel like it's a lack of consideration for the wedding party. Why not just let her wear a full face of makeup and high heels too? So inappropriate and I'm so confused how this woman can be beyond kind the last 2 years but now she says she was having fun and "just didn't think". She knows we are upset and didn't even offer to have it get correctef.
I find it sad that's how you
I find it sad that's how you think. My husband and I always take bms feelings and wishes into consideration. We all get along very well actually and bm was so apologetic but did not offer to change it...
REALLY HRNYC, remember that
REALLY HRNYC, remember that comment swings both ways too.
Dad can get it corrected. And
Dad can get it corrected. And should. If BM wants to go back to rainbow kid she can after the wedding.
I wouldn't either because
I wouldn't either because this is your issue, not hers. She's under no obligation to fix this for someone else's wedding. You're the one freaking out about it, and while she evidently knew about this wedding -- shock of shocks -- it isn't first and foremost on her mind, despite how important it may be for the bride. The day might be "all about her" but life isn't all about her wedding!
She never even considered her
She never even considered her being kicked out. She's 8. If anything we are going to have to redye it and I will probably be the evil stepmother for helping change it after she begged her mom the last year to dye it these funky colors
Just go to the store and buy
Just go to the store and buy color oops or a similar product if you are going to change it. It will remove the last dye put in, it works very well and is less than $10. Available in the hair dye aisle. No need to color over it.
what color is her natural
what color is her natural hair color? color oops is not for those bright direct dye colors, it will not help get it out. Accidentally leave a clarifying shampoo in her shower instead of regular and it should start to wash out, also could take her swimming a lot
Based on mom's suggestion,I
Based on mom's suggestion,I would assume she just colored the ends. If that's the case, just put the kid's hair in a cute updo and call it a day.
It's about 3/4 of her very
It's about 3/4 of her very long hair. No updo would covet that. And it's BRIGHT
Fruit, I am somehow imaging a
Fruit, I am somehow imaging a Harlequin hair do - https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/db/5c/24/db5c242d4df0d4b799f75..., but with purple and red.
Not unless it's a Suicide
Not unless it's a Suicide Squad themed wedding. I'm not getting a sense from the OP though as to what exactly the hair looks like versus the child's age. Polly is stb9 and nothing on this earth would induce me to allow her to do that to her hair. Hair chalk - sure, wash out colours - sure but an actual dye?
Have a quality salon tone it
Have a quality salon tone it down. French braid her hair twining in dainty floral. It's not the end of the world. Or try a flower-girl hat with the hair knotted up in back. Balayage would have been a better choice for the girls, but you can still work with the ombre.
All else fails, Aunt has the option of excluding the child.
Why don't you take her to a
Why don't you take her to a professional and get a semi permanent hair color or Demi permanent done for the wedding. I would ask for the least porous color that will be gone within weeks.
When I wanted to try reddish without the commitment, I went to an aveda salon and they had semi colors that lasted up to 12 shampoos and Demi which lasted 4-6 weeks. I am sure that if you ask for the least permanent color and light application they can help.
I would not permanently color that child's hair color and then permanantly color it back. You will fry and ruin her hair. For hairstyle, I would pull it all the way back in a tight bun.
LOL at number 1 on your list!
LOL at number 1 on your list!
put a wig on her for the
put a wig on her for the pictures if it is that big of a deal, this is 2016 people have wierd hair colors, I don't get what the big deal is but if it is all that big then there are many options, spray on color, wig, cover it with a dress color coordinating scarf with normal color hair extension hanging out
Try a wig store. I'm sure the
Try a wig store. I'm sure the girl can wear it for a few hours to be in the pictures and wedding. Everyone wins in this solution.
It's all about the bride
It's all about the bride anyways! It's HER day and all about HER!
This. My parents would have
This. My parents would have kicked my ass if I dyed my hair some horrible color right before a formal event. Creative expression or not, looking like a fool was not an option in my house. BM sounds Klassy.
It's not the SDs fault. She's
It's not the SDs fault. She's 9. I'm sure she wasn't thinking about the wedding. And her mom approved it.
I agree. I was nine once and
I agree. I was nine once and my idea of planning for the future was making sure I made a snack before Saved By the Bell came on. Certainly not the kiddo's fault.
No one is mad at her. She's a
No one is mad at her. She's a kid and mom approved.
I think you described about
I think you described about 1/2 the millennial weddings I've heard of or been to so far. Class and etiquette and pretty are much lost. Don't know if it will ever come back. They pick and choose--get married in a real barn complete with real smells, and guests get to sit on hay bales and step in real horse do-do. Have a goth wedding with a black wedding dress and skulls on each table for décor. Each skull has the table number written on it in blood. Whether it is real or not, who knows? You name it. Anything goes. Brides and grooms nowadays pick and chose what they want to label as etiquette. Long standing rules, such as show consideration to all guests, don't apply any more. On the other hand, if they want to use faux etiquette to stick it to someone, they will.
About the only thing I haven't gone to yet, is a nudist wedding, where guests will be expected to strip for the bride and groom, of course, because after all it is their day, and a naughty T-shirt themed wedding, as you described above. BUT, I bet it is coming and soon.
you missed it.... "They are
you missed it....
"They are staying with us next week because their aunt (my husbands sister) is getting married and they are in the wedding. "
Yes she is the flower girl
Yes she is the flower girl actually. Lol these comments have mr laughing. We got the ok from her mom to change it so maybe the bride over reacted- but then again bm didn't think it through. Thanks all who actually agreed rainbow hair isn't classy or cute especially on a girl who may i add isn't even 9 yet but will be in a few weeks. And bm does know about the wedding, we have all been talking about it all year!
I missed that memo. Makes me
I missed that memo. Makes me want to divorce and remarry. Both of mine were small, the last one had 5 people there, including DH and me.
I have had to settle being a diva to all other days
It's hard but I make sacrifices for mankind at great personal cost.
Can I get a redo?
I get wanting to have a
I get wanting to have a perfect wedding day, but not to the point of freaking out over everything. Too many people put too much importance on that one single day, when it should be about the new life being created. I get wanting things to go as planned, but giving yourself a stroke over every single detail is ridiculous and to me, it shows that the bride has lost site of what the day is about. I feel the same when I hear of women spending thousands of dollars on a dress they'll wear once, or tens of thousands on just the one day. At the end of the day, being married is what's supposed to matter, not if the butterfly release and off perfectly or if every bridesmaid had the same shoes.
I guess I am just a bitch
I guess I am just a bitch then. I tossed Looney (my cousin whom my parents raised) right out of my wedding because despite being told to NOT get any more tattoos until AFTER the wedding, she showed up for the wedding week with sleeves.
yup - out she went.
My wedding - MY RULES!!!!!
Yep - and the one that
Yep - and the one that prompted me to tell her NO MORE tats was the hand that she had done on the back of her neck.
And, yes, of COURSE she had short hair. She didn't when she got the damn tat, but by the time she came home for the wedding (a mere three weeks later) she had cut all of her beautiful red hair super short.
Loony, loony, loony, indeed!!
They didn't clash with
They didn't clash with anything, as my bridesmaids wore very sophisticated black dresses. It was 1990 and I was way ahead of my time. They were so awesome that I actually had one made for myself and wore it several times over the next few years.
I know, I know-how rude of me to expect the photographs that I paid thousands of dollars for would actually look the way I wanted them to look.
I'm truly amazed that some here are giving this bride a hard time for wanting her wedding day to be the way that she envisioned it.
If the odd haired child was simply a guest, then I would tell this bride to get the hell over it. However, since this odd haired child is in the wedding party? Yeah, the bride gets to call the shots.
Why is this such a big deal?
Why is this such a big deal? Mom didn't dye her whole head. Pull her hair back in a bun, braid or twist, add some flowers and call it a day.
If it's done correctly, the color will not show in the pictures- unless the bride is planning to have the photographer take close ups of the back of the kid's head. }:)
Well for one this bright red
Well for one this bright red and purple is 3/4 of her head...her mom did it not a professional...so it doesn't look like an ombre should...and my sil paid a professional hairstylist to comr to the hotel, why should she now suddenly have to have her hair pinned tightly in a way to hide her long beautiful hair? It is a big deal, it was inconsiderate. She could have waited a week and a half- that'd when the wedding would be ovrr..?
It's only a big deal because
It's only a big deal because the bride is making it one.
The stylist SIL hired can figure out a way to hide the color in a cute style. But that isn't good enough for the bride.
Instead of looking for an easy, quick and cute fix to the situation, she want to act like a brat over hair. I could understand if all of her hair were some crazy color, but that isn't the case.
Disney-it's bright red and
Disney-it's bright red and purple.
If that's not crazy hair color, on a nine-year-old, I'm not really sure what is
Agreed, but the whole head
Agreed, but the whole head isn't colored. I'm sure the stylist could find a creative way to hide the color. But that can only work if the bride let's go of the idea of the girl's hair out for the wedding.
I would have done the same
I would have done the same thing WALK on by.
Here is a thought Hey BM
Here is a thought
Hey BM this is bio dad, I will not get picking up SUZY on the weekend of the wedding and I will get her my next visitation.
BM:Wait, you ass**** you cant do that.
DH:see you in two weeks.
BM: I am calling my lawyer.....
DH: see you in two weeks BM, click
d
d
If u like skittle clown hair
If u like skittle clown hair that's on you. My sil likes the natural normal look. Maybe we should paint all the babies faces with dramatic makeup too for the pics. No biggie right?
It's called being respectful.
Ps no one would kick her out of the wedding. She's the flower girl and very close to the family. We are getting it fixed. And wig? Lmao some of u r halerious
Self centered much? Read
Self centered much? Read other comments I was responding to those too. And yes you should be a comedian your halerious!
I'd even disown the groom if
I'd even disown the groom if he showed up to marry me with purple and orange hair. And I didn't even have wedding pictures made. Nor did I have a wedding. We just the two of us signed some papers at the courthouse.
Maybe you can use colored
Maybe you can use colored hair spray (black or brown) the day of. Do an up-do, spray it down then embellish with a light colored flower or something?
Do not, under any
Do not, under any circumstances, dye this child's hair again. She is too young for hair dye in the first place, it has already ruined her hair. It needs to fade and grow out naturally. Dying it again will make it brittle.
She's a kid and should not be punished for what her mother did. Just pull her hair back to make it less noticeable. Get out of shock and panic mode and find another way to deal with it.
My daughter is a stylist and
My daughter is a stylist and part of her job is to fix hair oppses. Temp color can be brushed on and washed off later. There many options. Take the girls to a pro that can either cover or hide the offending color. An up do with a flower crown would likely hide all the color.
I seem to be in the minority
I seem to be in the minority here too but I don't see this as a huge deal. It's just hair! If the bride is that worried about every single pair of eyes being on her every single second of the day, then I feel sorry for the groom! This is ONE person in the wedding party, with bright colored hair that's not even a rarity these days (at least where I live...every day I see old and young people rocking the blue or pink or purple hair and I think it's awesome).
Maybe I'm just more laid back than most people but I just don't see why anyone would get their panties in a twist about this. It's a few pictures this little girl will be in, SO WHAT?! Years later, when the bride is looking at her pictures, she'll see this girl and think, yep, that's my niece, that picture is so her. I don't know why everyone wants a stepford wedding party anyway. Aren't all of our friends and relatives individuals? Why wouldn't we want them to be themselves, wedding or not?
I'm sorry but I do think the bride is overly uptight if she's freaking out over this. The girl's hair can be put in a bun to minimize how much color shows, though the OP even rejected that for some reason...apparently the exact look this bride requires is long, flowing, natural-colored hair, and nothing else will do! Jesus!
Someone else said it...first world problems. Trust me, this is the LEAST of what can go wrong at a wedding.
I agree with those that said
I agree with those that said the girl's hair should try to be put up or minimized somehow. I am usually very conservative when it comes to appearance. I'm not fond of tattoos at all. I'm also not particularly fond of funky colored hair, although these days there are some really pretty pastel colors that even I wouldn't mind. I don't know if it's age, but even with my taste, the thought of this little girl's hair being bright seems to be blown up out of proportion. Make an up-do and nobody will notice it.
I was MOH for my best friend's wedding. She was a bit of a bridezilla herself. She required all of us to have long hair for the wedding. I had short hair when she got engaged, so I grew mine out as long as I could by the time the wedding came around. It was still fairly short, but she was happy with it. Her cousin got her hair cut shortly ahead of time, and my friend freaked out. Her cousin's hair was no shorter than mine, but my friend still grumbled even though she didn't "do" anything about her cousin's hair. Looking back at all the pictures, our hair really didn't matter. She paid for us to have our hair done the morning of without any specific styling requirements except for some sort of hair clip.
In the OP's case, I would ask the stylist's opinion on how to make the little girl's hair blend in with the rest of the wedding party. Let the professional weigh in on it, and it's possible doing something about the color is necessary, but I would imagine an up do and either extensions or flowers or something will be plenty.
Reading all these stories lately make me SO glad I had a destination wedding with only my father in attendance. (For me) I had the most romantic, perfect wedding and didn't need to worry about anything or anyone else. Our pictures were beautiful. We had a lovely picnic in the backyard for family and friends later on and it didn't matter what anyone looked like. In fact, SD17 had her hair dyed blue back then! haha
BM decided to shave SS hair
BM decided to shave SS hair the weekend before our wedding. SS did not want this and cried over it. He looked like a moron. He had a "hat" tan line that was definitely not hidable in any pictures. I couldn't remove him from the wedding party and even if I did DH wanted "family pictures" anyway.
There was nothing I could do so I just said a flurry of curse words when I first saw it and let it go.
Nothing else to do.
Just buy a new inexpensive
Just buy a new inexpensive wig and pin that shit down so the kid can't take it off until she gets help after the reception.
Easy peesy fix, and the kids can have hair that looks like rainbow unicorn poop still...
My SD showed up for summer with hair color I could only describe as the aftermath of a muppet orgy. So I don't take her out in public unless required to due to an act of God. I have a wallet full of checks I need to deposit, but I'm not going to the bank with her when it looks like the fairies from Sleeping Beauty had an argument about the color of Aurora's dress, but had bad aim.
Perhaps the photographer
Perhaps the photographer could touch up the wedding photos afterwards?
What if you asked the girls
What if you asked the girls which they prefer since the bride doesn't want rainbow hair in her wedding party - keep the colorful hair or not be in the wedding?
At the end of the day, no
At the end of the day, no matter how well-planned, perfection isn't going to happen. In fact, the snafus are often what make the day memorable.
Take kiddo to a salon and see what they can do before re-dying it.
It really isn't worth getting overly worked up yet.
WTF - why should a 9 year old
WTF - why should a 9 year old get to dictate to the bride what her wedding is going to be like? That's just stupid.
The adult bride who is probably paying for her wedding gets the tie breaker vote - not some entitled brat who is totally disposable when it comes to the marriage.