Behavior issues
I'm a step mom of 2 girls who live mostly with their mom. The younger one (now 9) has had behavior issued for 4 years now on and off. Said bizarre things like talking about her stepdads private parts at 6-which led to many many issues but nothing came of it, to punching herself, crazy tantrums where nothing and no one could get through to her, to being punished for weeks on end. We have consistency in both homes for punishment and follow home to home but when one (older one) who has never once had any incident of behavior problems to the other one who is constantly constantly being terrible, I'm at the point where I've had enough. I'm sure u will all say "ur not her parent it's not ur problem" no its not bUT I'm done being so nice giving caring and then being treated poorly. I feel like she's bi polar or has a personality disorder. I'm in the medical feild and studied this. I'm not a doctor but I know for sure something is wrong. Her mom agrees but keeps making excuses like she has to show obvious signs in school for her to get a referred something about nys law blah blah blah nothing makes sense. My husband doesn't have her throughout the week so couldn't take her to the doctor and by court order can't bring her to any doctor/specialist without her mom's consent. I know again she's not my child but I'm trying to help our my husband. Should he blow up the school or her doctor even though he needs their moms consent? He's tried talking to their mom and has even made up.money excuses when we offer to cover it! I feel like mom's in deniel something is wrong with this girl and maybe thinks she will out grow it. I'm to the point where I don't want a relationship with a child who can't respect me my husband or our household and I know it breaks my husbands heart but what am I suppose to do? Hide in my room on weekends? Things have been good for a good year-like I said this behavior is on and off for 4 years and it's just so strange how it keeps getting swept under the rug. I understand no kids are perfect and all get upset but it's like she's in a daze. Doesn't speak refuses to eat shower or do anything after she gets in trouble for mouthing off.
It sounds like your husband
It sounds like your husband and you have a good working relationship with BM. I wouldn't normally suggest this but do you think if one of you had a heart to heart with her and tried to gently approach the subject of getting her daughter some medical help and seeing what her worries and objections are you might be able to reassure her that it is in the girls best interest to see if she can get some help so that her life is happier and more stable? If you can understand bm's true concerns then you might find a way around them or be able to reassure her that getting help is the right way. She might be worried about over medicating the child or that she is a bad mother of her child is like this or any number of reasons, talking to her compassionately might help.
My husband and her arnt great
My husband and her arnt great with talking. They do if they have to but this is a topic that has been constantly brought up. The only thin that stood out to me last time I heard my husband and her speak she said something along the lines of being afraid of the state getting involved. Maybe she knows something is wrong and doesn't want the state to have charge of her
I've had many talks with
I've had many talks with their mom and we are better at talking but honestly I'm done my heart can't take it anymore. I work 6 days a week and my daus off shouldn't be ruined by a sick child. I'm literally backing offand maybe I sound evil but im going to keep my distancestors from her from now on
Dad can speak to the school
Dad can speak to the school about his concerns. Even they do not see the behaviorsame you have listed, they will start the testing process as long one parent has made a request.
I teach in NYC. It isn't uncommon to have parents disagree. The administration and student support team will not ignore a NCP's valid concerns.
Ensuring that the child has the proper diagnosis will increase the likelihood of her being successful in school. If it's found that she's eligible for services, the school will be entitled to extra funding from Title I. Most schools aren't walking away from that money just to keep a BM happy.
We were told they did do
We were told they did do teating last year and nothing came of it. She's been in counseling on and off for yeas as well and when she was 6 she and her stepfather were mandated by her doctor to go through a specialist to make sure she wasn't being abused. She lied and made stepdad look like shit. We r the ones who reported that. This has gone on for so long and I feel sorry for the girl because I really think it is a medical disorder. She wouldn't care if she's sent to her room for days. Nothing gases hwr
It was her birthday weekend
It was her birthday weekend this weekend and we cancelled her party and she's been stripped from everything. Trust me we have done this many times and she still will act up again not caring about consequences. Her sister totally gets it and has never had an issue.
What do you mean currency?
What do you mean currency?
A huge problem I'm having is
A huge problem I'm having is how soft my husband is. He's emotional an crys whenever she's like this. He punishes but basically because I force it. He's so soft he feels bad and litreally cries like her. I keep telling him to toughen up but he thinks I don't understand because they arnt mine. We don't have control over her kid play dates but I know the most that's her favorite which she was above and beyond excited about her bday party we cancelled. I'm so embarassed and made up a white lie to everyone why we cancelled.
I told him tonight I'm done.
I told him tonight I'm done. My final straw of being portrayed the evil stepmother because I have rules and don't care if I'm mean if someone is terrible to me. I planned myself a huge gun exciting birthday weekend and this child told me how much she hates me screaming at the top of her lungs as if I beat her
Done trying so hard to keep
Done trying so hard to keep things in order with dicipline. If I kept my mouth shut I'm sure no one would brush their teeth do chores or care about real nutrition let alone teach respect for adults. I usually make all the plans and care for the kids like they are mine. I love and care about them so much but I'm done putting so much effort when the kids don't appreciate me. They follow my evert move but from now on I'm keeping my distance. I don't deserve to be treated poorly when I'm probably a rare type of stepmom
Oh my word, I feel your pain.
Oh my word, I feel your pain. Is there someone you can call or is there a way to exit the situation for a little while
I was actually thinking to
I was actually thinking to just work more on the days they come over. I am so good to them and feel like I am giving up w trying with the younger one.
You cant care more than the
You cant care more than the bioparents do. It never works.
both BM and DH are playing
:jawdrop: both BM and DH are playing you, you ask for something and they say... blablablabla
they are not really interested in getting the girl help, maybe cause they know there's nothing wrong with her and just do not want to admit they are dung parents. You say the school did testing and nothing is wrong, well there you have it.
That's the reason the bio parents does nothing and they do nothing about her manipulative behavior as well, cause that's what it is.
Simply disengage from being nice, stop doing anything for this girl, if she's rude to you, simple be rude back and say, I'm not your parent and I will not allow you talking like this now get to your room, even if you have to drag her by her arm, put the living fear in her for you..... and Hon... your husband needs to grow a spine, force him to be her father and not her friend, if he starts crying tell him... that will not work, do something about it,
see DH is also manipulating you, he opens the tears cause h knows you will get soft and try and get a solution, thus he does not have to be the bad parent who punishes and teaches SD things... he's making you the evil SM...
I get that you think there's something wrong with SD, cause you see real cases and it's hard to believe that kids can play this game and be so manipulative