I'd feel hurt but I'd also wonder why he is eating out with his ex. The kids are grown - why isn't he eating with the kids and you? Have you met his kids yet?

Why not just ask him what exactly are his expectations of your relationship/upcoming marriage? Then tell him what you think and feel. Explain to him that you feel his children are old enough to handle the situation but that by excluding you on his birthday you feel hurt.

I personaaly don't see why the ex-wife is part of the dinner. Even though his children are older it sends a mixed message. Another angle may be that he's simply always done this on his birthday, even after the divorce. If that's the case it's innocent enough but he needs to start some new traditions with you.

Good luck

He put the ring on your finger, he is now connected to you, a twosome. These family affairs should not go on without you, unless you decide you don't want to go. If he wants alone time with his kids, fine. But the ex-wife, playing "family" when he is an engaged man. No way so sorry. I'd nip this one in the bud ASAP or you have just seen your first RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning warning Will Robinson.

So sorry if I don't sound sensitive. You on the other hand sound so incredibly sweet and deserve to be treated like a QUEEN. He should show you off!

Kelly

You have every right in the world to feel hurt by this situation. He is your fiance & when he gave you that ring, he was making a commitment to a future with YOU. It is now your time to celebrate b-days, holidays, etc. with him.... not his ex-wife. I would make sure to discuss this with him further. You need to let him know your feeling about this & the fact that you have not had the opportunity to really get to know his children. Celebrating his b-day would be a great chance for that to happen. Hopefully your fiance will be sensitive to your wants, needs and feelings.

What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger!

Sorry, usually I'm more positive about working things out, but... if MY fiance told me he wanted to spend his birthday with his ex-wife instead of with me, well, he would NEVER achieve the rank of husband. This is a five-alarm red alert.

~ Anne ~

http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!

And no, you're not being selfish wanting to spend your fiance's birthday with him.

Okay - I have a similar problem, but I'm not the fiance - just a girl friend.
We've been dating seriously for 9 months. I've met his daughters(both in college) and his mom, although only in limited amounts.
Luckily, I had already planned to go home for the holidays to be with my family. But, he told me how difficult it would be for me to ever spend holidays with him since his ex-wife attends all family functions. He said it would be "awkward" and it would force his daughters to choose between him or his ex-wife.
To me, this could be a major deal-breaker. I don't know - what would you do?

Are these guy "really" divorced? They sure do not act like it. They are treating you like a mistress. Run like hell!!!

My BF is definitely divorced. I've spent time at his parents house - and at his house with his youngest daughter. So I'm not worried about that.
To me, he is being overly protective of his children. They are practically adults - and probably expect him to date. He has this ridiculous idea that they won't be able to handle me at a holiday function. First of all, it won't be for another year, since I've already bought plane tickets for this year. But, I told him that he needed to stop protecting them for his divorce. It is not new - and it's time for everyone to move the heck on. Otherwise, I will.
How patient should I be? Am I being too demanding at this time? We haven't been dating for a year yet. But, I don't want to get so involved with someone who will never involve me completely in his life, either. I