Babysitting for BM
BM has been openly hostile and nasty for as long as I can remember. Just over the past week, she has sent all kinds of ridiculous emails, yelled at DH on the phone twice (he hung up), and refuses to serve us with contempt of court paperwork that she filed, but isn't required to give us until 21 days of the court date just to be a pain. We know about the filing from the court's website.
However, she has an absolutely hideous, fat, filthy boyfriend (named McFilthy) who's house resembles a barnyard from what the skids tell. She is frantically working on moving into his house because she stopped making mortgage payments on the house she owns with DH 6 months ago and the courts won't do anything about it. She'll be evicted soon. Apparently spending last weekend with McFilthy isn't enough and she wants this weekend off too.
So lucky us, she sends DH an email saying that she has decided to grant him an opportunity to spend more time with the skids this weekend and take them on a weekend that isn't ours. He needed to let her know right away. No mention of whether I am okay with having them in my home on a weekend that isn't ours. We have my grandpa's 80th birthday party on Saturday and I already RSVPed for just me, DH, and DD3. We let her know that we had plans and wouldn't be home until Saturday night, but she could drop them off on Sunday if she wanted. She replied "no thanks". DH let the skids know that they could come over but we wouldn't be here and they would need to get a ride. BM replies that she will meet us half way. Ummmm....no. I am not driving 30 minutes to meet her half way to do BM a favor and keep the skids so she can work on getting a staph infection from McFilthy. I told DH that I have been sick all week, have to work all week, and don't want them alone in the house to destroy it so I could come home and clean all day Sunday - just to make BM's life more convenient. DH said no problem - he'd tell them we'll see them next weekend.
Is it just me or are others on this board tired of BM manipulating the situation to get free babysitting after being a completely irrational pain in the ass and then even expecting you to go out of your way to make it happen? If we decline, she tells the skids that DH has a "new" family and doesn't want to see them anymore.
Don't do it. TOO BAD.
Don't do it. TOO BAD.
Oh I'am not going to do it.
Oh I'am not going to do it. If the kids really just wanted to come over, that would be okay, but I am not going to do BM any favors, definately not going to get into this driving issue with her on a weekend that isn't ours, and don't like the way she approached this as though she was doing US the favor.
I also go through this with
I also go through this with SD8 BM and well who SD8 has been pawned off on. I absolutely refuse to be her babysitter not to mention how angry it makes me when BM expects us to make everything easy and convinant on her. BM called over Christmas calls and says ' you need to come get SD8 I need a break!' What she is your F'in kid. Lazy disgusting B.
The funny part about this
The funny part about this whole thing is that BM refuses to allow the kids to come over if DH isn't here. If he gets home from work late or has something to do she won't give us visitation that weekend because "she isn't driving them one way to spend time with their stepmother". However, she has no problem pawning them off on us to stay in MY house. I think I am more annoyed that she acts like these decisions are between her and DH only. Then she drops them of at the house I bought on my own and expects me to just be okay with it. Really irritating.
DH and I are totally on the
DH and I are totally on the same page as far as mutual decisions go. Whenever BM asks if we can take the kids for extra days, can we pick them up, etc, he always says "let me talk to Redsonya about that". Up until about three months ago she was still saying things like "I would appreciate it if Redsonya could step back so that you can step up as a father", "it makes sense that we co-parent, which means communication between the kids BIOLOGICAL parents", and my favorite "we get along just fine when Redsonya isn't there so why don't we just talk and make decisions together when you pick up the kids". I told DH in no uncertain terms that anything that affected our house, our finances, or his time need to be discussed with me. He let her know that too. I am really generous with the skids so he has nothing to worry about there, but I have definately put an end to BM's constant attempts to use DH to get at my money and time.
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I agree - the less time the
I agree - the less time the skids spend with BM and McFilthy, the better. BM seems to spend the HUGE majority of her time showing them court orders, talking badly about DH and me, and complaining that they are being foreclosed on and eating out of food pantrys because of DH (she refuses to work more than 30 hours a week for $12 an hour which is the real problem). When they are here they eat well, we spend time together, do fun things like bike riding, there is NO yelling or meanness in our house, and we NEVER talk badly about BM around them. It is relaxing for them. McFilthy is like the 8th boyfriend that BM has made them play house with - all of them progressively worse, gross losers that she barely knows before bringing them home so that situation isn't great for them either.
I don't want to punish the skids for what BM does - for the most part they are fun to be with and I like them. On the other hand, they do take quick a bit of energy, I don't want to start disciplining teens to change that dynamic, and they have all taken BM's side and disregarded me on at least one major occasion so I am not too broken up about this. If BM is so great, they can spend their court designated time with her.
I know....like spending time
I know....like spending time with THEIR kids is such a treat for us! LOL!
Yes ours pulls that crap but
Yes ours pulls that crap but she insists on us taking her 18 month old son, who isn't DH's, along too. DH and skids get excited they get to do something then at the last minute BM adds, and oh yeah, if you want skids on your off weekend you have to take the baby too! Well, that's not happening! So now skids are furious with DH because they can't go...you'd think they'd be mad at mom...nope DH is to blame, mom is NEVER wrong!
What pisses me off more than the fact that BM has the nerve to even ask such a thing is that DH tries to accommodate her!!!!
And I'm the bad guy because I refuse to play along and be manipulated by the nut job!
Yes, I get where you're coming from!
It's just absolutely maddening.
Stay Strong!
What the!?? I'd go CRAZY if
What the!?? I'd go CRAZY if BM tried to pawn off a baby that wasn't even related to DH on us. I bet she goes on and on about you and how awful you are too, but not so awful that she doesn't want you babysitting a toddler for her. BM does that to me too.
Stay strong sister! You are not the crazy one here - BM is! Good lord!
^^^Had this problem, put an
^^^Had this problem, put an END to that shit!!!^^^
DH used to take BMs 3y/o daughter when he got his 2 daughters for vistiation, but when we got married, I put an end to that crap! He actually told BM we would keep the other daughter overnight, and she was there when I got home and I went ballistic! I understand its not this kids fault, I have no problem w/this kid. And actually my SD8 just asked me this past weekend why I dont like her little sister. I was like WHAT?? She says yeah, mommy says you dont like her. I said, I have no problem w/her, after all, shes your sister and a pretty much a baby, however, she has her own father that is responsbile for her and her father is not your father, does that make sense? She said yeah! So when I told DH about it he says, SD8, she has no problem w/your little sister, its your mother she cant stand. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Might have not been the right thing to say, but I know BM puts things like that in these little girls heads that they will ask me about, so hopefully that jem will make it back to her.
yeah, and that's the
yeah, and that's the struggle, I don't want SDs to think I don't like the kid. I think he's great, pretty cute, but she's just manipulating the situation and that is just not ok with me!
Thank God DH never had the chance to watch SDs and this little boy before we met, that would have been a mess!
what a weirdo! i don't want
what a weirdo! i don't want my ex anywhere near the child he sired, much less my 3 year old with someone else! i'm sure your dh isn't a dumb ass or any of the other great things my ex is, but it's still unbalanced to demand that your ex take a child that is yours with someone else. she knows what she's doing. she knows you aren't going to stand for it, so it's an easy way to make dad the bad guy. some of the people God saw fit to equip with funcional uteruses, ugh!
"some of the people God saw
"some of the people God saw fit to equip with funcional uteruses, ugh!"
that is great! especially being one of the women that doesn't have a functional one having to deal with a crazy nut job who has an over-functioning one, this is COMPLETELY appropriate!
you are a perfect example
you are a perfect example then! it's not fair. the people that spit them out like pez dispensers are the ones least fit to be parents more often than not. then people who would be great parents have heartbreak. i have a close friend who has been pregnant 9 times and had 9 miscarriages to show for it. it's heartbreaking and frustrating!
it's so nice to be around
it's so nice to be around people who have to deal with crazy. BM in my life is a special kind of crazy. she even said to DH when he said he wouldn't be taking the baby EVER, that she would take any child of asheeha's and yours to spend time with their sisters. Blah blah blah! I would NEVER let my child be anywhere near BM without being right next to them.
And yes I went completely balistic when she asked and yes she thinks I'm completely unfit and DH is unfit, has testified in court recently that he is bad for his own children and that he should not receive anymore time with them.
I could go on and on about her ridiculous expectations. She's unbelievable, I've never met anybody so delusional and ballsy in my life. When she got pregnant with this 18 month old child (who is in NO WAY even able to my my DHs) she fully expected him to come back to her and raise this kid with her like the boy was his. CRAZY!!! The boy even carries my DH surname.
Anyway, I can COMPLETELY sympathize with nut job entitled exwifes!
WOW! That goes along with
WOW! That goes along with all the issues we all have with BM constantly getting into our business, trying to get money from us or benefit from whatever work perks we get, staying tight with DH's family, etc. Serioiusly - why don't them MOVE on!? Our BM divorced DH and tells everyone, including his own family, how much she hates him. Get lost then! I don't get it. She even insists on keeping his last name. Why would you do that if you hate him so much? It's like they just assume we are all one big extended family whenever it suits them and don't realize that no one else feels that way.
ok, i'm going to be REALLY
ok, i'm going to be REALLY harsh, but I think it's because these sorts of BMs are pathetic losers who have no idea who they are outside of the family they created with our DHs. They wanted so bad to be divorced to find themselves and when a new person comes along, i.e. you, me...they have no self worth besides the family they just destroyed and they have no idea how to deal with that and they blame everybody but themselves for the mess they've created and continue to create. They are perpetual adolescents who have zero maturity in a perpetual cycle of competing with the new woman whether it's being replaced as the "wife" or having influence in their children's lives. Control is the only security they possess and they gave it up of their own free will...oops!
I honestly believe that the BM in my life didn't think DH would find anyone to care for him, she thought she was the best and he'd never be happy again. Then her rude awakening happened. ME. She blames me for everything, even the destruction of her marriage, which BTW the divorce was final before I even met him.
And they don't care about anybody else, not even their children. If they hurt, their pain is more important than anybody elses, if their needs require we be one happy family then that's what we are, if their needs dictate that we are separate that's what we are. And whoever is around should be happy and accommodating to whatever they feel is best. And then their trump card comes out...This is in the best interest of the child, because if mama ain't happy...nobody's happy.
I better stop now. I could go on forever.
Wow Asheeha! If I didn't
Wow Asheeha! If I didn't know any better, I'd say we had the same BM. She was unbelievably cruel to DH when she divorced him and was sleeping with someone less than a month after serving him with divorce papers. She never thought that he'd find anyone else, because obviously someone who sat on her butt for 16 years, is mean, controlling, uneducated, and has truck stop red dyed hair cannot be replaced. She was totally convinced that she would move on with someone amazing and leave DH in the dust. She never expected him to meet and marry someone younger, prettier, educated, and with her own money. It drives her INSANE. Her way of dealing with it has been to sleep with anyone who even looks her way and chase after anyone (and I mean anyone) with a cent to his name.
My husband is a truly good
My husband is a truly good man. I think that a woman who leaves a truly good man has serious issues and huge regrets in her life.
I am actually older than BM by about 5 years. I'm not super skinny or super pretty, I'm just average, I'm smaller and shorter than her, she actually get's paid more an hour than I do. DH paid her way and helped her through college and she got her RN degree. (she is not very smart, it took her a loooong time and DH helped her ALOT) I've put myself through college and have lots of hobbys and interests, have never been married, no kids, and have traveled the world. But nothing in her mind that makes me ultra superior to her and still after she begged him to come back and tried to manipulate him by telling the girls Dad loves asheeha more than you, and all sorts of other damaging things he still didn't go back to her.
I could write a book..."What NOT to do if you want to get someone back!"
He actually wanted to go back, to be with his kids, but she was so awful he just couldn't do it, even through all the horrible things she did during and right after the divorce never made him loathe her the way he did when she was trying to "win" him back.
She dug her own grave and she still has no idea she did it. She thinks he just can't forgive her for divorcing him. Sad sad person.